BitterSweet
by Missteque
Summary: One divination class will change his world. One prophecy alters Severus Snape's life forever. Does he learn how to control himself for the one he loves? SS/LE. Fluff. First Fanfic, please read and review!
1. The Prophecy

_**BitterSweet:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling therefore I do not own any of the Harry Potter Characters...**_

_**Severus Snape's Point of View:**_

I look at my timetable. Divination. Ugh. A class which is totally worthless. Professor Renwick is an old fool who utters superstitions to scare his witless pupils. Nonetheless, the sooner I enter the class the sooner I can leave. I walk up the divination tower, uttering silent hexes at every fool who shouts 'greasy git' in my direction. I just hope Lily won't find out.

Ah, Lily. Lily Evans. The only person who is sane besides me. My best friend. And the only one I could ever love. It feels as though my heart beats for only her. But it is useless, she only sees me as a friend. Love is impossible. Who could ever love a hooked-nosed, greasy-haired teenager who prefers to brew potions in his room compared to socializing? Not even me.

Finally I reach the top of the Divination tower and start climbing the stairs into the stuffy, nauseating room. "Look, it's Snivellus!" shouts Peter Pettigrew before he collapses due to my silent body binding curse.

Out of no where, the misty voice of Professor Renwick shouts: "I knew that was going to happen! I just didn't have the time to save Peter from fainting…"  
I laugh a humourless laugh, for the sheer stupidity of others isn't something to take lightly, and sit on a chair at the back of the classroom, hidden by the shadows. With Renwick's voice fading into the background, I allow myself to fall asleep.

I wake up to realize I am alone in the room besides Professor Ridiculous. As I make to get up, Renwick starts gasping and spluttering, his eyes rolling back and forth. Unsure what to do I try to edge around the classroom, but the Professor suddenly turns to me. "Do not go down the path of your Slytherin friends" a foreign voice echoes out of him. "You will lose the only thing you hold dear if you do."

"What?" I ask dumbfounded. Stupid fool has been drinking too much like my foolish father.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you shut people out rather then let them in. I have seen you turn you back on Lily because you could not deal with the emotions. You join the Death-Eaters. You effectively kill her, and live a life of debt and remorse." Renwick replies, rasping. What is he saying?

"Legilimens!" I cast – and immediately I can see the vision Professor Baggins had been telling me. I am hanging upside down while Potter teases me. That's not new. Lily defends me, and I call her mudblood. She doesn't talk to me no matter how much I beg. She tells me she hates my friends and can't make excuses for me. I turn to my friends Avery and Mulciber, and join Voldemort. Lily marries James Potter, my worst enemy, and produces a son – Harry Potter. I tell Voldemort a prophecy. VOLDEMORT TAKES THE PROPHECY THE WRONG WAY. I run to Dumbledore for help, anything to save her. It can't be. No. I couldn't have killed her!

I try escaping this nightmare, but Renwick secures me in his head, willing me to see the vision in full.

In the next scene, Voldemort is standing over Lily.  
"Severus was right; you're a pretty girl, Lily. You don't have to die, just hand me the boy." Voldemort says.

"Don't kill Harry! Kill me! Not Harry!" She cries, clutching a baby tightly to her chest.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" She died. She died. She died. And it's my fault.

Breaking the connection, I run as fast as I can to get as far as possible from the world. I feel as though my heart has been ripped out of me. How could I ever betray – kill – the one I love? I see the shocked expression on peoples' faces at my expression – my guard has been let down and they can see what I feel. As I run down the dungeon stairs I hear the voice that normally brings me warmth, rising up the stairs, followed by the first yet last person I want to see. Frozen on the steps, I wish I could disappear. I close my eyes, and try to breathe normally, hoping that I would remain unnoticed.

"Hey Sev!" Lily says. I open my eyes to see her innocent emerald ones staring back at me. I watch her face change into one of worry and my suddenly emotions become too much, as the unbidden memory of her dead eyes float into the forefront of my mind. I feel tears running down my face and I push past her to run to my dormitory. I slam my door knowing it is loud enough for the whole castle to hear, but I don't care. I have not cried for years, yet I feel as though I could cry forever. My heart feels like it is in pain, but it isn't too painful. Bittersweet.

For what could be forever, I remain inside my bed, with the curtains drawn. I hear my fellow Slytherins enter and leave the dormitory numerous amounts of times, none of them coming to bother me, which I am grateful for.

Breaking me out of my reverie, I hear Mulciber ask: "Did you see those two Gryffindors today?"

"Yeah – Lily Evans and James Potter?" Avery replies. I feel a jolt of hatred flow through me at Potter's name.

"Ha-ha yeah. Lily sure gave James a whipping. You can tell she hates him."

After the last three words leave Mulciber's mouth, their voices drain out as I suddenly realize that the prophecy was just a mere warning: I haven't killed her. I haven't joined Voldemort. I haven't called her mudblood. She doesn't like James. She is still alive. There is still a chance.

But where to start? Lily always hated my friends, and I could never work out why. As if on cue, Avery opens my curtains, then turns to the rest of the occupants of the room.  
"Oi, guys, I think Snape needs a little cheering up. Ready to take down a bunch of Hufflepuff first years? They're a pain in my arse just being here. How bout it? Snape? Malfoy? Mulciber?"

"As a prefect of Slytherin, it is my duty to torture mudbloods and blood traitors alike." Lucius Malfoy says mockingly.

"Ah, nothing more entertaining then performing a nice dose of levicorpus. Which reminds me, Snape, can you do my defence homework later? I can't be bothered." Mulciber says.

Ah. There it is. The streak I have either missed before or fervently ignored – most likely the latter. They have been using me, and it all makes sense now. They have used me for my knowledge about the Dark Arts and Potions. They are truly evil; I don't understand how I ever saw torturing people fun considering I am tortured by others a lot. I suppose I have been ignorant enough to ignore it all. But I will do whatever it takes not to be a monster like them, whatever it takes to have Lily.

Lucius turns to me with his eyebrow arched, expectantly.

"Can't, Defence exam in an hour. Got to study." I say hastily.

"C'mon, we all know you know more dark spells then probably the Dark Lord himself!" Avery comments, outraged. The thought of being compared to that heartless villain would have once been a compliment – had I not seen what would happen. The very thought now makes my stomach clench with fear.

"Probably, but I need to study." I sneer. As I walk out of the dungeons I hear Lucius' sly voice comment: "I think our little Slytherin Severus has opened his eyes and doesn't like the world we are going to force him to join."

_"I'm Feelin' Better  
Since I surrendered  
You can't Climb  
'Till you're ready to fall  
You're not a land mine  
You're not a gold mine  
No you're not mine at all"_  
-Into the Dark, Ben Lee.

**Please read and review! Let me know what you think! I tried to keep them as close to the characters as possible. Fluff will come, I'm trying to build the suspense...**

**(Later Author's Note: This is a re-edited version - I just patched up old mistakes. Embarrassed to see so many! Just wanted to say that the chapters start to get longer as I tried to keep around the 2000 word mark. I find it annoying when chapters are short, personally xx)**


	2. Snape's Worst Memory: With Good Outcome

_**BitterSweet: Chapter 2.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, J.K Rowling does...**_

_**Severus Snape Point of View:**_

Defence Against the Dark Arts exam – my best subject. I change into light but slightly loose robes for the occasion, knowing nothing worse then being overheated in an exam. Sitting down at my table I wait for the paper to be handed out and I see a head of red-brown locks a few chairs to my left. Lily had decided to wear her hair down, but to me I would love it no matter which way. Further ahead of me James Potter sits cockily with his sidekick Sirius. Stupid arrogant…

"I remind you all that cheating will be harshly punished. You have an hour to finish your theory section for the Defence Against the Dark Arts exam. Begin." Professor Flitwick announces as our papers appeared on our tables. I immediately begin to fill it in.

How do you repel Dementors?  
The Patronus Charm – Expecto Patronum.

What is a disarming charm?  
Expelliarmus…

Finishing up, I walk out of the great hall double checking all my answers in my head, unaware of my surroundings. I was so sure that I answered question 23 right, but I just can't be sure. I sit down on the grass with my revision notes surrounding me, trying to double check what the spell is for destroying a Boggart. Unable to find it in my notes, I decide to go to my dormitory to check my textbook but the moment I stand up, Potter disturbs me.

"All right, Snivellus?" Potter asks loudly. I quickly grab my want, but before I can utter a curse it lands on the ground in front of me.

"Impedimenta!" James jinxes and I am knocked off my feet, unable to move, with the breath knocked out of me. As I lie panting, I try to remember the rules of wandless curses, internally cursing myself for lack of preparation.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" James asks me.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment" says Sirius. "There'll be great grease marks all over it; they won't be able to read a word."

That little mutt will get what's coming for him the second I retrieve my want. I hear laughter rise around me. Great. An audience. Just what I need. I try to get up but my body is still bound by the jinx. "You – wait" I pant, looking up at James "you- wait!"

"Wait for what?" Sirius mocks. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

"Filthy, bloody mongrel! Sectumsempra!" I curse, but as I have not mastered wandless magic, nothing happens.

"Wash your mouth out." James says. "Scourgify!" Instantly pink bubbles froth in my mouth, beginning to fill my mouth and making me choke.

"Leave him ALONE!" I hear Lily shout. In this moment, I see that this is the very thing I foresaw. It is now that I need to refrain from calling Lily mudblood. I must remain dignified, or I will lose her forever.

"All right Evans?" Potter asks her as if nothing is going on. I wish I wasn't here.

"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?" She asks, clearly disgusted.

"Well, it's more the fact he exists, if you know what I mean." He replies, grinning.

"You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone." She orders him.

"I will if you go out with me. Go on, go out with me and I will never lay a wand on old Snivelly again." James haggles. I begin to feel the jinx lifting, and I start to inch towards my wand. Their argument provides me with the distraction, leaving me temporarily unnoticed.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." She retorts.

"Bad luck Prongs. Oi!" Sirius shouts as he realizes I got hold of my wand. With one quick flick, James has a deep cut on the side of his face and blood on his robes.

"Levicorpus!" James says. I am yanked up by my ankle into the air. Mentally cursing myself for wearing my loose robes, as in absolute horror, I feel my robes dropping to reveal my legs and underwear, neither of which are pleasing sight to me, let alone...  
I don't think I could feel any worse. Surely death is more merciful. My blood boils as I remember Potter used my invented curse. Stupid schmuck can't make his own so he steals mine.

"Let him down." Lily persists. Her bold movements make me feel proud, before the feeling is lost remembering I am hanging upside down with my dirty underwear being exposed to the one I love and the one I hate. Embarrassment and anger take hold of me.

"Certainly. Petrificus Totalus." James says, shooting another curse at me.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouts, pulling out her own wand.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." James says.

"Take the curse off him then!" She shouts in anger. He releases me, sending me crashing to the floor. I quickly cover up.

"There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus." James says spitefully.

No matter how hard I try, my emotions are too hard to control.  
"I can take care of myself Lily." I hiss at her, unable to help myself. She turns with a huff and walks back to the castle, and my heart throbs, hoping I didn't offend her.

"One day, Lily will realize what a git you are, and then no one will stop me from giving you what you deserve" Potter spits at me. I have to fight the immediate reaction of hexing him, so I can try and find Lily to apologize, but am swept into the crowds going to the Great Hall for dinner. How ironic if I made different mistake, but with the same results despite my foresight? I eat my food, barely tasting it, and run to the Gryffindor common room, accidently bumping into Lily's friend, Mary.

"Hey Mary, can you please get Lily for me?" I plead. Shock is evident on her face and I fight the uncommon urge to laugh, for I have only ever sneered at most people; talking to them is a big comparison.

"She doesn't want to see you." Mary says with her nose raised high. Damn girls and their immature ways.

"I will sleep out here all night if I must." I threaten. Mary flinches at the idea.

"Fine! I will go get her!" Mary surrenders, raising her arms high while walking back through the portrait into the Gryffindor common room. Seconds later, Lily appears with her arms folded and her face looking serious.

"Lily, I am so sorry. I didn't mean what I said…" I can't finish my sentence as I realize I may well have made the same mistake as before, her stony face unwavering. Why can I never get anything right?

"Oh Sev, it's ok, I know you've been under a lot of pressure. I just wish you would let me help." She says, her face softening as she wraps her arms around me giving me my first hug ever. It just feels natural, and I wrap my arms around her and hug her back, inhaling the scent of her hair while exhaling a breath of gratitude. She pulls back from me with a smile on her face but worried eyes.

"I think we need to talk – meet you by the lake in an hour?" she asks.

"Sure." I say, and I can't help but slightly smile at her enthusiasm.

"See you then!" Lily says as she goes back through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room. I begin my way to my dormitory, walking at a slow pace as I think about all that has happened today.

The thought that she still wants to talk to me makes me feel warm, but I begin to worry. No doubt, she will ask why I haven't talked to her nor left my room. I can't tell her of the prophecy. Although the prophecy hasn't come true, there is still a high possibility of me losing her. I have to learn how to open up, instead of shutting out. I have to show her that I feel the same emotions as every one else.

I chuckle at myself – I would make a great soap opera – but my attention is drawn to the clock's dongs. I have half an hour to get ready and I have been wandering around the castle like a fool! I want time to get ready and make a half-decent impression. I run down to the Slytherin dormitories, trying to gather robes for a shower. I have a quick look in the mirror. Ugh. My greasy hair. I do not know a sufficient potion to make it clean, but I have heard of a muggle invention called 'Shampoo'… I think. Not that I have any. I decide to try my luck. "Accio Shampoo!" Out of nowhere a pink bottle with a liquid substance flies at my head. I catch it and read the labels. 'Make your hair clean and shiny, because you're worth it'. Good enough. I race to the showers, strip down and shower. I follow the muggle potion instructions, washing and rinsing, surprised by the clean smell coming from the muggle potion.

I quickly hop out and dress in my button-up robes and knowing I don't have much time left I run into the Slytherin Common and out towards the lake. On my way, I pick a stray flower – rose I think it is – and I quickly pluck all the thorns off. I walk over to our 'special' spot by the lake, under the beech tree. As I sit down, I hear ruffling coming from behind me and I turn around to see Lily walking towards me. Her hair bounces with every step and she seems to glow, illuminated by the afternoon sun.

"Hello Lily." I welcome, and I unsurprised by the sound of my voice. Soft, silky. Not the normal sneering voice I use, but instead the one I reserve for Lily. The change in tone is almost unconscious, now.

"Hey Sev." She says, grinning as she sits next to me.

"Uh, this is for you." I say as I awkwardly thrust the rose at her. I feel like a total idiot.

"Aw, thanks." Lily says, taking the rose from my hands and placing it in her hair. Silence then falls between us, both of us knowing the conversation we will be having, but neither of us wanting to start it. I sigh.

"I have been worried about you. It broke my heart to see you cry and then I didn't see you for a week until our Defence exams! I missed you. What's wrong?" She begins, whispering the last part.

"I'm sorry. I – I" I close my eyes against the memory of the prophecy. I breathe in deeply. "I

_"So tell me baby  
Can you hear me?  
I sent a message out into the dark  
It's a mystery  
When you're near me  
I've gotta find my way to your heart"_

_-Into the Dark, Ben Lee._

**What do you think? Sorry for any spelling mistakes. Will Severus tell Lily how he feels? Read and Review, to find out :).  
Please note that majority of this was taken from the book, but just transformed into Severus' point of view. I shall get the reference pages when I get my book out :) xx**


	3. Ready, Set, Go

BitterSweet: Chapter three; Ready, Set, Go.

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter Characters, nor anything to do Harry Potter...**_

_**Snape POV:**_

"I have realized that I've been losing you, Lily. I could never see what was wrong with my friends, what they were really doing. You kept telling me I changed, and I can see that now. I swear Lily" I open my eyes, gazing at hers. "I swear I will change, I will become a better person. I-I know I am difficult, but please understand that I am _never_ one to talk about feelings." I close my eyes again. "I don't want to lose you." I whisper, half hoping she didn't hear me.

"I would never leave you." She says stubbornly.

"Ha." I snort. "What if I become a Death Eater?" I snap back. I see her flinch at my harsh tone and choice of words. "I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean it. I _am_ trying to control myself but there are so many things that could go wrong, so many things I could do that could hurt you." She rolls her eyes at my fears. What a Lily thing to do. She then leans towards me and starts undoing my top buttons without saying a word. I sit there in shock- has she lost her mind? But just before I stop her, she grabs my half-heart necklace and pulls it towards her, making my head lunge forward. She then grabs her half-heart necklace.

"Best friends Sev. Forever." She says, smiling at me. I am in total shock. Somebody would have thought I just got told I won the Beauty Pageant from my expression...

"I though you forgot about these necklaces. I've worn mine ever since…Remember the day you gave it to me?" I ask, trying to divert her from scrutinizing my still shocked face. I don't bother mentioning I always keep it well hidden.

"How could I forget?" She replies, rolling her eyes for the second time.

-Flashback-

* * *

"I bet I could race you to that swing set!" a nine-year old Lily challenged. She was wearing a little tutu skirt with leggings, a bright floral top and her hair was in high piggy tails. She looked perfectly normal. We had been friends for a few years, after I had discovered she had magical powers. Ever since she had realized I meant "witch" in the nicest possible way, we had become close friends, always hanging out...much to her sister's disgust. We were due to go to Hogwarts in a couple of years.

"You're on Evans." I replied smiling. I was wearing mismatched muggle-clothes: an oversized blue t-shirt, shabby looking shorts and shoes that were way too big. I could never look normal, in either worlds.

"Ready, set, go!" Lily shouted. We both took off, sprinting hard. I was coming first, and I began grinning but then I tripped over my muggle shoes. Lily was so enthralled that she tripped over and landed on me, giggling. Unsure with how to deal with the situation, I pushed her off gently. Other words for shutting her out, I suppose. She didn't seem to notice my sudden coldness and she reached into her pocket.

"Sevvie, I have something for you." She said. She took out two necklaces. On one necklace had a half-heart charm with the engraving 'Best', the other necklace had the other half-heart locket, engraved with 'Friends'.

"It's a friendship necklace, to remind us that we will be best friends forever and ever! And watch, they connect." Lily explained, grabbing the two half-hearts and connecting them. She handed me over the half that said "Best". I immediately put it around my neck. I didn't dare comment on how girly it was for I didn't want to hurt Lily. I watched as she put hers on, and I noticed she already had another half-heart necklace.

"Why do you already have a half-heart necklace?" I asked, feeling a bit jealous. No that's a lie. I felt extremely jealous.

"Liz." Lily replied, rolling her eyes. "I gave her one because she was moving away. She's my girl bestest friend, you're my boy bestest friend!"

I frowned. "But Liz is still your next door neighbour isn't she?"

"Yes. Her parents decided to stay, but we still keep our necklaces. She has the 'friend' half." Lily said, getting bothered with having to explain it. "Do you want to finish the race now?" she asked me, smiling prettily.

"Oh…I suppose, but by the time you finish we would have graduate from Hogwarts!" I said sarcastically.

"Ha-ha. Bring it, Snape!" She said, laughing. "We'll finish it together." She said on a more serious note, grabbing my hand. "Ready, set, go."

And we ran, hands linked, to the swings, finishing the race together.

-End of Flashback-

* * *

Lily stands up and begins stretching. "Well, I don't know about you, but all this deep meaningful talk has me starving for dessert. Want to race with me to the kitchens for old times' sake?" She asks me mischievously.

"Lily Evans? This late at night? After curfew?" I ask, thankful for the change of subject. It was beginning to get uncomfortable on my part. Who knows how long it will be until I let slip what I really feel?

"Of course!" She retorts.

"Breaking the rules? Risking detention?" I mock. "You Gryffindor. I suppose I shall come to make sure you don't over eat…"

"Only going for yourself? So you can get dessert? You Slytherin." Lily mocks back, laughing. "C'mon. Ready," she pulls me to my feet. "Set," she says as she grabs my hand "Go!"

We run hand in hand under the protection of the shadows cast by the setting sun, and for the second time in my life I feel as though I can do anything. I am ready for the challenge. I am ready to be worthy of Lily. All I needed, I think as we run to the kitchen, was somebody to tell me: Ready, Set, Go.

_"I learnt my lesson  
First impressions  
More often right than wrong  
It's not a slow dance  
This modern romance  
Feels like we've already waited too long"_

-Into the Dark, Ben Lee.

_**Sorry that the chapter was short. And for all those expecting for him to admit his feelings, I promise it is coming. I have a plan for the story :). The next chapter is half written, and will probably be submitted tomorrow. Please Read and Review and tell me what you guy's think! **_

_**And all suggestions are welcome!**_

_**Thanks, Missteque.**_


	4. Trial and Error

_**BitterSweet: Chapter 4 – Trial and Error.**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling, therefore I do not own any of the characters etc. Unfortunatly.**_

_**Snape POV:**_

"What subject do we have now?" I ask Narcissa as we step out of the Slytherin common room. The dungeons are beginning to irritate me – does anyone ever feel the need to be happy? The need for a little extra light? I chuckle at myself as I realize how much being with Lily affects me. I like it.

"Potions with Slughorn and then Herbology with the substitute teacher, Lockhart Snr." Narcissa replies. Narcissa has always been one of my friends, and is the only true friend I now have in Slytherin.

"Ugh. Please don't tell me Lockhart Snr is related to that first year Gilderoy Lockhart from Slytherin! Lockhart Snr is probably some crackhead who invents names of herbs and knows nothing more then how to count to three!" I rant. Nothing frustrates me more then idiots who think they know stuff they don't.

"Severus, watch your mouth!" Narcissa scolds. "You don't talk like that in front of ladies!"

"Meaning yourself?" I scoff.

"Meaning myself and Miss Evans." She replies, but before I can react, Lily suddenly appears at my side, having obviously followed from behind.

"No need to worry, Narcissa. I just came from Herbology – he is a crackhead." Lily says. We are walking down the dungeons stairs into the Potions classroom. I can't help but smirk at Lily's comment. Narcissa just giggles as she sat down next to her cousin Regulus. Lily and I take our seats at the front of the room and started taking out our cauldrons.

Professor Slughorn comes through the door, with a bit of toilet paper trailing behind him. Despite him being head of Slytherin, I can't help but snigger at his embarrassing mistake. I look at Lily, who has her hand clamped over her mouth.

"Well, we know why he's late…" I say innocently. Lily bursts out laughing from besides me, causing me to chuckle at her lack of control. Professor Slughorn notices our unusual outburst.

"Ah! Severus, Lily – my top Potions students – what's so funny?" Slughorn asks pleasantly.

"I just told Lily a joke, Sir." I reply.

"Oh, well you know how I love jokes Severus! Tell us!" Slughorn says with eagerness, unaware that we were laughing at his expense. I wrack my brain for a different joke, but am interrupted by none other then Potter.

"He probably told Lily he is really a famous Quidditch player and not a greasy Death-Eater." Potter remarks, causing uproar of laughter from the Gryffindors. I turn in my seat to face Potter and Black who are three tables behind me.

"Ignore them, Sev. No need to sink to their level." She said, patting my hand. She must have sensed that I was about to abuse the living day lights out of Potter. I take a deep breath and turn to face Slughorn, who has a confused look on his face.

"I don't understand the joke." He says. Had this situation involved someone else, I would have laughed at his stupidity.

"Never mind James Potter, Professor. He has a knack for being extremely rude and irritating." Lily says smartly.

"Right, well, today you have to complete the following potions." Slughorn announces as he writes on the board, probably not wanting to waste any more class time.

I start taking out my ingredients for the potions, when Potter decides to make his thoughts known to everyone.

"Has anyone seen the way Snivellus looks at Lily?" he asks his peers. Anger starts flowing through my veins, and before I know it I am holding my wand. All it would take is one quick curse.

"One would think he is about to eat her, he practically drools everywhere as he watches her every move." James mocks.

"I wonder why Lily is even friends with Snivelly – he's just a git with overgrown greasy hair and a hooked nose who loves to play with his chemistry set." Sirius wonders.

"True, Padfoot, true." James replies.

I begin shaking with anger. The curse is ready on my tongue; all I need to do is open my mouth. I could watch him scream for mercy. But, with one touch, Lily reminds me to stay in control.

"Sev, just ignore them. Show them you're the better man, which you are." She says while she holds onto my hand. I quickly look into her eyes, sure I could see a few tears. Why would she be crying?

In this whole situation, Slughorn seems oblivious to all the events as he sips his wine and hums merrily. I breathe in deeply. Potter and Black are just !#! #!#!# #!# #!#! . That made me feel better. I begin to loosen up as I continue to curse Potter and Black in my head, while brewing the potions with Lily.

"I wonder if he knows he doesn't deserve her." Sirius asks James, unknowingly acknowledging one of my biggest fears. In an instant the anger is back and I crush the jar of monkswood in my hand. Lily's hands immediately reach for my hands and try to pry the bits of glass from my hands.

"So, Sev, do you want to come to my house for Christmas?" Lily asks me in a loud voice to be sure that Potter heard. She begins taking shards of glass out of my hand gently, while I grin weakly at her. The next thing we heard was a cauldron smashing.

"Prongs you idiot!" Sirius yells at James. "What did you do that for!"

James just stares at me, and I can't help but grin. But my grin quickly disappears; Lily just pulled a large piece of glass out of my hand.

"Professor Slughorn?" Lily asks.

"Yes, Lily dear?" Slughorn replies, beaming at his favourite student.

"Severus has been injured – may I take him to Madam Pomfrey?" Lily sweetly inquires. How could she ever be denied?

"Of course, Lily. I will clean the rest up, and you don't need to do it for homework. You take care of yourself Severus." He adds to me.

Once Madam Pomfrey heals my hand, Lily and I walk outside to the Lake.

"I am so sorry that you had to deal with those dimwits. They were so rude. But you were so brave today, Sev. I'm so proud of you." Lily says, smiling.

"Are you crazy? I'm a monster! I still cannot control myself!" I yell angrily. How can she think that! If it weren't for her I would have killed Potter by now. I turn away from her, unable to meet her gaze.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you look at me right now." Lily demand. I turned to look at her and she cups my face with her hands.

"You are no monster; James and Sirius are the monsters. You did so well – no hexes! It will take time, trial and error." She praises.

"You always see the best in people, Lily." I chuckle, though still fuming.

"And is there a problem with that?" She asks, slightly offended.

"No, no! It's just I don't see anything great about Potter or Black or me, but you always do." I reply lamely. I never seem to be able to get my words out right.

"Well, there isn't anything great about James and Sirius, but they do have a few good qualities. You have lots of great things about you; you just refuse to see them." Lily says looking into my eyes. The emotions become overwhelming.

"Sorry, Lily. I have to go to Herbology." I said, trying to free myself of the confusing emotions.

"Oh, ok. I better go off to Defence then. See you later." Lily says, slightly hurt by my sudden need to get away. She turns and begins walking away.

"If Professor I-Know-Nothing-But-I-Have-A-Great-Smile Lockhart doesn't stun me with his stupidity." I mutter, and I am sure Lily heard me because she began giggling. It feels great to know I can make her laugh; make her happy in some way.

I walk to Herbology, my heart lighter then it has been in years. She believes in me. She thinks I'm doing great. She still stands up for me. I break into a smile, which happens to scare a lot of first years.

The moment I walk into Herbology, I want to walk straight out. Professor Lockhart is dressed in a floral dress robe, smiling idiotically at everyone.

"S-m-i-l-e children! Smiley smiles!" He chants. What an absolute idiot. I'm getting goose bumps for being so close to someone so stupid! Nonetheless, at least it will make the lesson a lot more entertaining…

_

* * *

_

"Don't worry baby  
'bout how it should be  
I sent a message out into the dark  
I'd rather talk to you  
About how it could be  
I've gotta find my way to your heart"

_-Into the Dark, Ben Lee._

_**Sorry about taking so long to update! I had no time at all yesturday; my aunty was moving into a new house and I helped.**_

_**I'm not 100 happy with this chapter, but see what you guys think. And I have a question for future chapters, which is a more romantic setting:**_

_**- a) Hogwarts at Christmas**_

_**- b) The playground near Sev's and Lily's house with snow everywhere,**_

_**- c) Hogsmeade on Valentines Day...**_

_**Please read and review! Greatly appreciated!**_

_**Missteque xx.**_


	5. Friend to Foe

BitterSweet: Part 5.

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, etc. etc.**_

_**Snape POV:**_

Lily slapped my face and ran to James Potter, and they began kissing. Lily and Potter got married and had a kid, Harry Potter. I turned and ran into Lucius who helped me and sheltered me from all danger. He talked of endless power and glory, and I wanted it. He took me to Voldemort and I bowed down to him as I took the Dark Mark on my arm. On my first mission I heard a prophecy, and I told Voldemort all I heard. Voldemort thought it meant the Potters. The information I had given Voldemort led to Lily's death. Lily, dead.

"NO! I WILL SAVE YOU LILY!" I scream.

I wake up in my bed, sweating and panting. Thank Merlin, it was a dream. Baggins' prophecy has been playing on my mind a lot lately. I pull back the curtains around my bed to double check no one heard me, and luckily they all seem to be fast asleep. I fall back into bed, drifting off to sleep, wanting the day to begin so I could see Lily.

* * *

Meanwhile—

_3rd Person POV:_

As Severus went back to sleep dreaming of Lily, he never knew that people had indeed heard him yell out. Avery and Mulciber got out of bed when Severus was once again snoring and went to find Lucius.

"Ah, so he has fallen in love with the mudblood Evans, and hopes that by disconnecting himself from us he won't put her in harms way." Lucius said knowingly in his sly voice. He looked at Avery and Mulciber's blank faces.

"Snape is a true Slytherin, and his green and silver colours will show. He won't be able to resist the temptation of recruiting for the Dark Lord. Especially if he is under threat…or should I say Evans is under threat?" Lucius mused. Mulciber chuckled.

"But he is too young to be recruited." Avery realized.

"The Dark Lord does not care much of age but potential, and Snape has more potential then any of us…" Lucius commented, the compliment unnatural when coming from him.

"How do we get him to the Dark Lord?" Mulciber asked. Lucius straightened up.

"The Dark Lord has honoured the Malfoy family by coming to our Manor and requesting us to recruit for him. We are holding a party tomorrow morning and I am to give out invitations at breakfast." Lucius said with pride. "Yours will come by mail this morning." He added.

"And what about Evans?" Avery asked wearily.

"Fate will deal its hand." Lucius said, as if he owned the world and everyone in it.

* * *

_-Severus' POV-_

I sit down at my seat in the Great Hall and I stare across to the Gryffindor table. Lily is sitting there talking animatedly with her friend, her hair slightly messy from her sleep, her cheeks slightly flushed. She looks beautiful. And as I sit here, I know I would do anything for her. Always.

I decide to stop ogling at her and get myself something to eat. The owls for mail come in and I sit in shock when my owl – Henners – lands in my cereal. I quickly clean him up and then take the note.

_'Dear Mr. Severus Snape,_

_I invite you to Malfoy Manor, where we will be having a tea party courtesy of the Malfoy's. __I will be their guest, your host, and your future master. __You have been selected to join my intermediate group, for your skills are what I need. __IF you do not turn up, you will be against us, not with us._

_Be there.  
__Your Lord,  
__Voldemort.'_

I choke on my pumpkin juice, and I look down the Slytherin table to see that all of the seventh years have also received an invitation. I look at Avery and Mulciber who are grinning, as they too have the invitation. I cringe at the thought of turning up…and not turning up.

I quickly stand up from the table and run over to Lily. She looks up at me bewildered – I never go to the Gryffindor table.

"Lily, we need to talk. It's urgent." I say quickly. I hold up the invitation so she can see that I need to talk about it.

"Ok." Lily says, getting up from the table.

"Excuse me, I was talking to Lily. What do you have to say that is more important?" Potter asks. Arrogant fool.

"We weren't talking; you were talking to me and I was ignoring you." Lily snaps.

"Never mind what it is." I say harshly at the same time.

"What? Is it a tea party invitation from You-Know-Who?" James jokes. Funny, he is right.

"Yes." I whisper as I pull Lily with me and run out of the Great Hall. I pull her all the way to the Owlery, a place where we are unlikely to be overheard. I mutter an incantation to double check there is not a soul in the place besides us.

"Sev spit it out." Lily says, worried. "You have turned, like, 10 shades paler then normal. What happened?"

"Voldemort wants me to join him now." I whisper, closing my eyes. I hear Lily gasp. "I have an invitation to the Malfoy Manor for a tea party with Voldemort. It warned at the end: Be there, basically implying or you'll be dead." I finish.

"You…You aren't planning on joining him are you?" She asks. I think about the question. Would I join him? I could have endless glory, I would have power, I would be accepted by everyone, and I would be valued. And I would get pay back on everyone who ever did me wrong. But that isn't what I want anymore, and I won't ever want it. The only thing I want is to be with Lily forever - a decision which I would never have made without the Prophecy.

"Never. Lily, I will never, ever join him." I say with conviction. I hear her breathe out deeply – she must have been holding on to her breath.

"Sev, I – " Lily is interrupted as the door of the Owlery blasts open.

"LILY, RUN!" I yell at Lily as the figures of Malfoy, Avery and Mulciber enter the room.

"I won't leave you!" Lily screams at me. Stupid bloody Gryffindor pride! I begin shouting curses in every direction, until a scream rips my heart to shreds.

"LILY!" I scream. Lucius has Lily in his arms, his wand at her neck. I stop and look at him, as Avery and Mulciber come up to grab hold of me. I look into Lily's eyes. They show me that she is both scared but brave. And then I realize what is going on. I recall what Lucius had said the day I refused them: "I think our little Slytherin Severus has opened his eyes and doesn't like the world we are going to force him to join." They are forcing me to join Voldemort, by threatening Lily. What have I done?

"We should have known the day that you turned your back on us you were only doing it for the mudblood – "

"DON'T CALL HER THAT!" I yell at him, the memory of the Prophecy all to clear.

"Severus, I can offer you the path to power, to glory. I can give you the chance to join the Dark Lord. You will get everything you ever wanted." Lucius offers enchantingly.

"I DON'T WANT ANY OF IT!" I yell at him. He pushes his wand harder against Lily's neck.

"If you don't join the Dark Lord, I will kill Miss Evans here." Lucius says, giving me the hardest ultimatum possible. A part of me reasons he wouldn't dare, that he's still in school, but my realistic half warns that he'll probably leave school anyway, and what better way to join Voldemort but then to have already killed a mu…muggle-born? I look into her eyes, and see a spark of defiance in them. I wrack my brain for any effective curse to give me an advantage, refusing to allow them to hurt us.

"ELEPHANT'S BOTTOM!" I yell, and it does exactly what I wanted it to do; distracts them. Avery and Mulciber look at each other then at Lucius, all looking confused. I break away from Avery and Mulciber's grip, and run over to grab Lily's arm as she breaks free from Lucius' loosened hold.

"VANISHO!" I mutter as soon as I touch her. Lily and I disappear, only to reappear at the top floor of the Owlery. I will have to fix the incantation when I get the time so it is the equivalent of Apparition, I remind myself.

"Lily, please go. I am putting you in so much danger. Go." I say sternly. Her wide eyes look at me, then at the advancing opponents.

"You are so brave. Be careful. Meet me in the library when you're done." Lily says. Then she does the one thing I never thought I would experience. She kissed my cheek. I look at her, and she begins to blush a little. I want to do nothing more then swoop her up and tell her I love her. To tell her I always have, but the sound of people clamping up the stairs reminds me of the danger we are in.

"Yes I'll meet you there, now go!" I plead. Lily runs to the window and accio's her broom, quickly hopping on before flying from my sight. With her kiss making my cheek tingle, I force myself to draw my attention to the men who have threatened to kill her. I grit my teeth in anger, and allow myself to draw up all the energy needed.

"Ah, how heroic. You simply send you're beloved away so we cannot harm her, and turn to face us. You're no match for us three." Lucius says.

"And what will Dumbledore say when he finds three of his students in league with Voldemort?" I hiss.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME!" Lucius yells.

"Voldy, Voldy, Voldemort!" I chant. I laugh menacingly as I watch Lucius' face turn into a tomato. "VOLDEMORT'S NIPPLE!" I yell. What the hell has gotten into me! I would never have said that, let alone think that in my whole life. Must have been Lily's kiss…

"Stupefy!" Mulciber curses and it misses me by a meter.

"Tut, tut. Not doing well without me helping you with Defence?" I mock. "Expelliarmus!" I say, disarming Mulciber.

"Cruci-" Avery begins, but I disarm and stun him.

"Levicorpus!" I say, and I watch Mulciber being lifted into the air upside down. "Nothing like a good dose of levicorpus, eh, Mulciber?" I mock. Lucius is the only one left standing. If I hurt him too much, I would be in trouble with Dumbledore. But if I don't hurt him enough, he will attack again.

"You filthy blood traitor. I was there for you, I took care of you every time that petty Potter hurt your feelings, and I have given you the chance to join the Dark Lord. Now you will pay for letting me down." Lucius sneers.

"You never cared about me; you only cared for the grades I gave you. It was only my knowledge in the Dark Arts that made you be friendly. And I will never join Voldemort." I spit, barely acknowledging my own words.

"Ah, because of Miss Evans? I wonder what it is that changed your mind, Severus. Had I asked you to join mere months ago, you would have accepted like you should do now! What is it that has changed? What could you possibly want from a mudblood!" He rants. And he just crossed the line.

"Sectumsempra." I whisper, and immediately gashes in his skin appear, and he starts bleeding. He falls to the ground rasping for air, and I pick up his wand.

"Now, should I do what all the Death-Eaters do, and leave you to die, or shall I save you from death?" I muse. He looks at me with scared eyes, and I roll mine and bend down to mutter the incantations to heal the scars.

As soon as I levitate him and take him to Madam Promfrey's, while I go to the library.  
"Sev!" I hear Lily squeal, and she jumps out of no where to give me a hug.

"Lily, there is no time to talk, we need to talk to the Headmaster now." I whisper hurriedly. I grab her hand instinctively and run with her to the headmaster's office.

"Password?" The gargoyle asks.

"Blood Lollypops." I answer. I hear Lily say something like 'ew', but my mind is focused on the conversation ahead.

When we reach the Headmaster's door, I knock twice, my other hand still hanging on to Lily's (much to my pleasure).

"Enter." Dumbledore's voice booms as the door opens. "Ah, what can I do for you Severus, Lily?"

"Headmaster, there is a big issue that needs to be discussed immediately." I say urgently.

"Of course, of course, sit down." Dumbledore says, and I see his blue eyes travel down to my hands, from the one which is still holding my wand to the other which is still holding Lily's hand and his eyes start to twinkle. "Would you like a blood lollypop or a sherbet lemon?" He asks.

"No, thank you." I say.

"Yes, could I please have a sherbet lemon?" Lily asks, grinning.

"Have as many as you wish!" Dumbledore says heartily. He clasps his hands over his stomach, and then looks at us. "So what can I do for you?"

* * *

_"I was one of those  
Breathing tornadoes  
But now I live at the eye of the storm  
And it's all faded  
Then since the separation  
Since I let your love keep me warm"_

_-Into the Dark, Ben Lee._

_**Hope you liked it! Please read and review, and I promise that the fluffier stuff will come eventually. Like I said before, building up suspense!**_

_**And I know Voldemort wouldn't address anyone like that, but I wanted to add a different twist. Hope it's not that bad :S**_

_**Missteque.**_


	6. Hurt but Protected

_**BitterSweet Chapter 6: Hurt but Protected.**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters etc. etc.**_

_**Snape POV:**_

"So what can I do for you?" Dumbledore asks, looking at us through his half-moon spectacles. How do I begin?

"It seems… we have an enemy at large…who happens to be….recruiting army members…" I say cautiously. Lily starts to choke, and I rub her back with my hand and summon a glass of water.

"Severus, perhaps tell me what happened from the beginning?" Dumbledore suggests.

"My Slytherin friends always hated it when I was spending time with Lily because of her…bloodline." I sigh and close my eyes. "Anyway, the issue began when I refused to help Lucius. I realized how cruel they were and I tried to get away from them. He noticed my behaviour and that I was spending more time with Lily." I open my eyes and find two pairs of eyes staring intently at mine: A sparkling blue pair and a beautiful vibrant green pair.

"And?" Dumbledore prompts.

"I was given an invitation from Voldemort telling me I was going to be recruited – or I'll die. I ran and took Lily to the Owlery to tell her when Malfoy, Avery and Mulciber entered." I grit my teeth, and stop talking. Dumbledore turns to Lily.

"Did they hurt you?" He asks her.

"No, Malfoy held me hostage, threatening to kill me if Sev didn't join." She replies. I decide to finish the story.

"In the end, I distracted Malfoy and sent Lily off." My cheeks redden slightly as I remember the kiss, and I continue the story hoping no one noticed. "and I dealt with them." I finish.

"It seems we have a problem. The only punishment I can offer is a separate detention for the lot of you for being in the Owlery without a reason." Dumbledore concludes. I stand up in fury.

"What! They threaten to kill Lily, attempt an Unforgivable and are in league with Voldemort and you do nothing!" I yell. Dumbledore's eyebrows rise at my outrage.

"Severus, I understand your anger, but understand my position. Although I believe you, in everybody else's mind, you are guilty – the only evidence we have of the incident is the fact Mr. Malfoy is in a critical condition because of your spell." Dumbledore lowers his voice. "It is best we do not make enemies so soon."

"And what do I do? I am under threat of death!" I say, furious at the over-optimistic grandpa.

"Do not turn up; Voldemort won't attack yet, but it will put you and those you love in severe danger and make you a future target. I am afraid that will be unpreventable." Dumbledore says sadly. "Nonetheless, for as long as you are here at Hogwarts I can protect you from Voldemort." He finishes.

"And yet we were attacked under your care." I mumble, sitting back in my chair. Lily suddenly stands up.

"Headmaster, if I may be excused, I need to go to my classes." Lily asks sweetly.

"Of course." Dumbledore replies.

"Meet you by the river at lunch?" I whisper, and I see her head nod as she exits the room.

"There is another matter to be solved; it is not wise for you to be sleeping in the Slytherin dormitories." Dumbledore states, bringing my mind from thinking of Lily back to the many matters ahead.

"Slytherin is where I belong!" I yell, getting angrier.

"Yes, but you don't want to sleep in the same room as those who are planning to hurt you, do you?" He asks. "I thought not." He says after seeing my blank expression. "There are two vacant positions: Ravenclaw or a room in Professor Slughorns' private rooms down near the Potions room." He offers.

What is worse? Having to sleep with a bunch of know-it-all dorks whose greatest worries are their marks, or sleeping in Slughorns' apartments? Despite his annoying character, he isn't completely unbearable considering I am one of Slughorns' favourite students and I will probably be able to do whatever I want…

"I would prefer the room in Slughorns' apartments." I answer. It couldn't be any worse than Ravenclaw, I argue to myself.

"Excellent! Your bags shall be there by lunch and you're excused from classes for the day." Dumbledore says, and I take it as my cue to leave. I stand up and turn to walk to the door, but he speaks again.

"Severus, does she know you love her?" He asks quietly. I feel the blood drain out of my face – I knew he could see right through me.

"What makes you say I do?" I turn around to ask.

"I can see it in your eyes. Do not be ashamed of it Severus, love is a marvellous thing. But I warn, you are in for a long road ahead; you are both now in extreme danger." Dumbledore warns. I start feeling lightheaded and I walk through the door.

I begin walking to the lake, deciding to wait for Lily, and I think of all the things that have just happened. By just being friends with Lily, I am risking her life. I am putting her precious life in danger. I am putting everything she has ever loved in danger. For as long as I continue to treasure her, she will remain a major target. I can't do that to her. I won't do that to her. I have to save her, even if it means saving her from me. And it feels that no matter what, I am fighting a losing battle – through the prophecy's future or my present one, I am the reason Lily is in danger and dies. If I am destined for this fate in two futures, it must mean I'm not meant to be with Lily, I realize with a pang.

I'm so absorbed in regret and anger that I don't even realize that I had sat down by the lake until Lily comes and sits beside me.

"Hey, Sev." She greets, with a smile on her face. I just stare straight ahead of me, trying to imagine a life without her. No life.

"Sev, what's wrong?" She asks as she reaches out for me.

"Lily, we can't be friends anymore." I blurt back.

"And why not!" Lily retorts angrily, clearly hurt. I turn to her, and grab her wrists.

"You must understand this: By being my friend you are in mortal danger. You will forever be a target for Voldemort and so will your family. I am not going to risk that! I am not going to lose you!" I say and let go of her.

"Sev, I don't care about Vold- " I cut her off.

"I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU DIE! I WON'T BE!" I yell at her, standing up. She stands up and looks into my eyes with tears, then turns and runs away.

I slide down against the tree, and can't help a tear run down my cheek. So what if I look like an idiot? I've just lost the only thing worth living for. As her teary face enters my mind again, I can feel my heart shredding itself to pieces.

After I gather myself up I stand up and decide to check out my new room, considering that is were I will be spending the rest of my time now that I am basically friendless. I walk down the dungeons, and bump into my last Slytherin friend.

"Hey Narcissa." I mumble. Her face as an unfathomable look on it, and the next thing I know she punches me.

"How could you! You knew that I was going out with Lucius! And what do you do? Attack my boyfriend because your conversation was interrupted!" She yells while pounding against my chest. I don't bother to correct her. "He has scars on his face! I thought you were my friend!" She yells.

I take hold of her hands and push them towards her and swiftly walk away. I am too weak to deal with any more emotional roller coasters. I walk into Slughorns' apartments. I pick up the note left on the door, and it directs me to my room. As soon as I enter the room, I yell. I scream. Because every part of me seems to be on fire, every part of me is torn.

I have lost my last friend in Slytherin, for a lost cause.

I have lost the only one I have ever loved, for her safety, which whenever I am involved, is also a lost cause.

I sit on the bed, not noticing my surroundings. I collapse and start crying. I try to sober up, try to look for the positive side but the gloom is too deep to ignore, grief taking full control.

* * *

_"You tell me baby  
That you can feel me  
I sent a message out into the dark  
When I kiss you  
That's the real me  
I've gotta find my way to your heart"_

_-Into the Dark, Ben Lee._

* * *

_**Sneakpeek into next chapter:**_

_"Get your filthy hands off Lily!" James yelled at me._

_"Ah, but she doesn't mind my filthy hands on her, do you Lily?" I mock - the words are out of my mouth before I know what I said. She looks up at me and grins._

* * *

_**Don't hate me! I know that was a really bad chapter, I'm not happy with it, but I had to write something. I tried to rewrite this chapter soo many times but I wasn't getting anywhere so I decided just to get it over and done with. And I know it seems Severus just keeps getting into trouble etc. but I promise it will all gets tons better soon :)**_

_**The song lyrics I have posted through-out the chapters is a song that everytime I hear reminds me of Severus - see what you think! **_

_**Hope you'll be able to bear with me a little longer! Please read and review, it makes me happy :)**_

_**I will attempt to make the next chapter somewhat more satisfying!**_

_**(P.S. Sorry it's been a few days since I've updated- school has started again and I've been busy with homework.)**_

_**Missteque xx**_


	7. Choices

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 7:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling therefore I do not own any of the Harry Potter Characters etc. etc.**_

_**SnapePOV:**_

I sit down at the end of the Slytherin table; I don't eat or talk for when one is dead, neither are needed. I look over to the Gryffindor table and watch Lily eat. She looks beautiful, although her features tell me she is sad.

It has been 2 weeks, 4 days and 21 hours since we last spoke. Every minute since then I have been haunted; by her laugh, her touch, her smile, her kiss. I am filled with a hollowness that is never there when she is around. I can't handle it any more – I can't be away from her a second longer. I will let her choose: she can stay away and remain safe or be friends and sacrifice her life. I will have to deal with her choice, but I can't stay away if I know she still wants to be friends – I wasn't born a Slytherin for nothing. I need her for me. Sucking up my pride and testing my bravery, I stride up to the Gryffindor table and every Gryffindor falls silent as I approach Lily.

"Can we talk?" I plead, searching her eyes for a response. She just stands up and takes my hand, leading me through the Great hall to our spot by the lake. When we stop, I turn to her.

"I can't do it anymore. I need you." I say, my voice raw with emotion much to my horror. "If you still want to be friends, you need to understand that you will be in danger – I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore." I finish lamely, letting my gaze fall to take particular interest in my shoes. They need to be polished. Lily's hand grabs my chin, and her other hand pushes the hair from my eyes.

"Sev, regardless, I was going to be a target for You-Know-Who; I plan on being in the Order. And I wouldn't sacrifice our friendship for anything. You are my best friend, through thick and thin." She says, determinedly. What did I do to deserve this angel? I ask myself. Lily steps forward and hugs me tightly to her. I rest my cheek atop her head and hold her to me, glad at least to have her safe in my arms for now.

"Speaking of thin, Sev, you're tiny!" Lily says disapprovingly, pulling out of my embrace.

"Uh…yeah. I haven't been eating much lately." I reply, shrugging. It's irrelevant.

"Why?" She asks in a motherly tone. Because I was too busy watching you? Thinking about you? Wishing it could all be different? No, that sounds too stalker-ish. Don't want to scare her away when she just came back.

"Professor Slughorn doesn't eat till late and by then I'm asleep." I say, not exactly lying.

"What has Slughorn got to do with it?" She asks curiously.

"I forgot to tell you – I have been moved from the Slytherin dormitories to Slughorns'. I can't eat until Slughorn does because I can't get back into the room without him basically." I reply.

"Oh. Well, please make an effort to eat more. For me?" She pleads, tugging my hands. I chuckle as I grab her for a hug.

"Anything for you." I whisper with the intention of not being heard. How long we hugged, it could've been days, but unfortunately we are rudely interrupted.

"Get your filthy hands off her, Snivellus!" Potter yells from a dozen metres away, standing with his wand in hand and the other Marauders behind him. I snake my arms protectively around Lily's waist and watch Potter's face redden, to my immense amusement.

"I SAID GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF HER!" He yells again.

"But maybe she likes my filthy hands on her, don't you Lily?" I mock – the words leave my mouth before I know it! Lily looks up at me and grinning and winked. I am shocked and surprised with myself, for I would never say such a thing, but knowing Lily's reaction, I wouldn't take it back.

James takes a step back in shock. The other Marauders stand around in a loose circle looking uncomfortable and trying to look away from the scene. It feels as though they believe this is James' fight and not theirs, and for a second I have a strange sense of admiration for them for their chivalry. But it is lost as soon as I remember who they are.

James steps forward again, holding his wand at the ready.

"She wouldn't want you near her. She's been crying every night ever since you stopped talking to her. I was there for her, letting her cry on my shoulder…" he taunts. He looks at Lily. "Tell me now you don't want this greasy death-eater anywhere near you and I will blast him into the middle of next week." He offers. Lily visibly hugs me tighter and wraps her arms around my torso.

"Stupef- " James' curse was interrupted as Lily stunned him first; she must've sensed his motives. She broke away from my grasp and went over to the arrogant mongrel.

"You are arrogant and stupid to think you're the hero – and I never came to you for anything. You kept following and harassing me. Leave me and Sev alone!" She tells him, angrily. As she walks back to me, James begins to get up again, aiming his wand at me.

"Levic-" He pants, trying to curse. With a surge of hate, I promise myself that my most embarrassing moment will never occur again, no matter what.

Mentally cursing the fact I left my wand in my room (a first), and not wanting my underwear shown to the world again, I run up to Lily in less than a second, swing her around, grasp her hand (which held her wand) and we both instinctively mutter "Stupefy" before James knows what happened. I can feel the magic flow through my body – more than normal – and I could feel the magic flowing off Lily. As the curse shoots out of her wand, so do colourful fireworks; something I have never seen before. As James' body shot backwards, I look at Lily, and forgetting where we are, our faces come closer and closer until I can almost taste her – but again we are interrupted.

"Bad luck Prongs. You didn't have to lose your dignity with your ego!" Sirius says angrily as he yanks the disorientated James upright. I had completely forgotten about the Marauders and as I look at their faces, they all seemed ashamed. They turn and start heading back to the castle supporting James as they walk, leaving Lily and I alone.

I chuckle at everything that had just happened, partly to hide my absolute embarrassment at my rude boldness. Lily hugs me again, giggling.

"We should go inside." I say, unsure of what to do with myself.

Lily takes my hand – much to my pleasure- and walks with me to the Great Hall. I stare at her. I had meant to go to the library to do some study.

"What are we doing here?" I blurt out when we reach the entrance of the Great Hall. "Shouldn't we get our homework done for classes tomorrow?"

"Sev, classes finished Friday for the term. We need to pack for holidays; it's Christmas already. See?" She explains, opening the doors to show me the rows and rows of Christmas trees. Had I really missed that much? I must have been so absorbed in my own world that I never took notice of anything else.

"When do we leave for home?" I ask.

"Tomorrow, so we need to start packing." She replies excitingly.

* * *

Packed and ready, we are standing outside the Hogwarts' Express, waiting for the doors to open so we could find a compartment. When we find a compartment we chuck our suitcases on the shelves, shut the doors and lie down on opposite benches, making small talk. I begin thinking of the time when Lily said in Potions that I was welcome over for Christmas. I wonder whether she meant it – though I doubt it. I haven't been to her house for Christmas since I was a kid. Thinking of the past, my heart warms up. Thinking of the future, it warms up a little more knowing Lily is still in it, for now. We pass the hours with a few games of Wizard Chess, and a round of a petty little muggle game called 'Paper, Scissors, Rock" that Lily taught me when I was a kid. When the train finally arrives, I realize I have no transport to get home.

"Do you want my parents to drive you home?" Lily asks, as if she read my mind.

"That'd be great, thanks." I say awkwardly. I'm not one for company, but it does mean more time with Lily. As we get off the train, Lily's parents rush up to grab her luggage.  
"Mum, is it ok if we drop Sev off?" Lily asks after exchanging greetings.

"Of course!" Her mum replies enthusiastically. It's easy to see where Lily inherited her energy.

"Would you like me to carry your bags Severus?" Lily's father, whose name escapes me, asks. I start feeling highly uncomfortable by my unusual acceptance. I am never accepted by anyone, and I wasn't expecting to be accepted so well by the Evans' family as an awkward teenager.

"It's ok, thank you Sir." I reply.

"Victor, call me Victor, Son." He replies with a clap on my back.

As we begin walking to their muggle vehicle, I notice Petunia who is talking into a square thing. When she notices us, she puts the square thing away and her face adapts a frown as she crosses her arms. Well, most of the Evans accepted my company.

* * *

_"So tell me baby  
Can you hear me?  
I sent a message out into the dark  
It's a mystery  
When you're near me  
I've gotta find my way to your heart  
I've gotta find my way to your heart  
I've gotta find my way to your heart"_

_-Into the Dark, Ben Lee._

_**To clear any confusion up, it is a Sunday at Hogwarts.**_

_**I hope you enjoyed it, I'm slightly disappointed with the way I wrote it, my grammar isn't what I hoped. But I will stop complaining :).**_

_**Please Read and Review, it makes me very, very happy! Especially when I wake up with reviews :) **_

_**I hope to bring the next chapter soon, and I hope I'm not letting anyone down! Feel free to make any critical notes, comments, suggestions etc. It is all appreciated.**_

_**Missteque**_


	8. Unexpected Request

**BitterSweet, Chapter 8:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, etc. etc. **

**Severus POV:**

After a lot of awkward silences, I finally arrive at Spinner's End. I grab my trunk from the 'car' and I watch the Evans' drive to their house which is at the end of the street. I turn to face my house. The door is slightly off centre, slates are falling off the roof and the whole building is on a slant. The house looks dark and depressing with no sign of colour; it makes you feel like running away. Unlike any sane person, I walk up the flowerless footpath and enter Spinner's End. As I walk down the hallway I notice that there is a layer of dust everywhere, which means mum hasn't improved much. Not that I expected her to.

"Mum? I'm back." I call out as I walk, the floorboards creaking with my every step. I turn into the lounge room, only to see my drunken father sprawled across the floor with rum bottles scattered everywhere. The man has clearly lost all dignity, the fool. I have no patience for the man who has destroyed our family.

As I look around the room I notice my mother who is several metres away from father, sitting in her wheelchair staring at me. Filled with sudden emotion, I uncharacteristically walk over to her and kiss the top of her head, wishing that everything could be normal again, like it once was.

* * *

_-Flashback-_

"I-I thought I told you not to do that freaky stuff! Do you know what you're doing, muttering away? Talking to the devils y'are! Cursing us y'are!" Tobias shouted at his wife drunkenly. Eileen and Severus were standing atop of the staircase; while Tobias went out to socialize with friends; Eileen took the opportunity to teach Severus some simple spells. Tobias never liked seeing Eileen performing magic, so she kept it to a minimum. But when she was teaching Severus, Tobias had walked in, drunk and furious at the sight before him.

"Tobias, I was just teaching Severus some spells. Calm down, your drunk." Eileen comforted. Eileen wasn't used to her husband yelling at both her and her son; but it wasn't uncommon. This was one of the first times he came home severely drunk though - normally he stayed out all night.

But life wasn't always this way. When Severus was a toddler, the family got along well – they all loved each other. Tobias had a respectable job as a lawyer and he earned good money. Eileen was social and Severus had two decent parents. All was good until Tobias began to socialize with other crowds. He began to be constantly frustrated, began constantly drinking, and was fired from his job.

"Is he like you?' Tobias whispered with disgust, talking of Severus.

"Yes." She replied proudly.

Before anyone could blink, Tobias Snape slapped his wife across the face, causing her to fall down the stairs. As Eileen lay still at the bottom of the staircase, Tobias stood in shock.

"What have you done to mum!" Severus demanded running down the stairs to his mother. Tobias didn't answer his son; he just walked down the stairs, over his wife's body and out the door.

Severus bent over his mother to grab her wand. He grasped the wand firmly in his hand. "I summon the Wizarding Healers." He called in a clear voice and out of the wand splurted red fireworks in the shape of crosses. Within seconds, Healers apparated into the room, and upon seeing Eileen, immediately went to her aid. Severus watched sadly as they placed her in a wheelchair and gave her various potions while still unconscious

"I need to tell you that you're mother is paralyzed from her legs down. This means she cannot walk. Do you understand?" A Healer asked, his voice full of sympathy. Severus just nodded his head, unable to speak.

"Good. Now, can you tell me who it was that called us? We need to ask them a few questions." The Healer asked, looking around for a wizard.

"It was me." Said Severus, finally finding his voice. The shock on the Healer's face was evident. It takes a certain level of magical power to summon the Healers – it's so the Healers know it isn't a false alarm. The Healer was at a loss as to how the young boy in front of him – surely no older than 5- could've summoned them.

"Right. Well, we need to contact you're grandparents" the Healer said looking at his notes "Mr. and Mrs. Prince, to tell them what has happened. So you know, we know exactly what has happened, but we won't tell anyone unless we get permission to. On that note, I must go. Have a good day, Mr. Snape." The Healer said formally, and then they all apparated. Severus just stood there looking at his mum, and burst out crying, knowing that beyond his mother's irreversible condition, something else would now be irreversible: his father.

_-End Flashback-_

* * *

_**3rd Person Observation:**_

As the years went by, Severus grew older and no body was there to see him off to his first day at Hogwarts (he took a muggle vehicle called a bus). Tobias began drinking more – he was trying to drink the guilt of hitting his wife away. He felt so bad for what he did, but as a Snape, he could never find enough courage to say sorry. So he drank. Eileen continued her day to day life, but her personality changed. She was so disappointed in her marriage and in failing to give Severus a sustainable home that all she told Severus was never to marry a muggle; to marry a pureblood. But Eileen never knew that ever since the day he saw her, Severus had been in love with a muggle-born; Lily Evans. And Eileen certainly didn't know that they were destined for each other.

* * *

**Severus POV:**

I turn and walk away from my mother and walk up the rarely used stairs to my room feeling drained. When I enter the room I notice that everything (meaning just my bed and desk) is covered in dust. I walk over to my bed, putting my trunk beside it while I dust my Slytherin bed cover. Satisfied when I see the silvery snake glitter, I lie down on my bed, not bothering to unpack my trunk. When I close my eyes, all I can see is the face of Lily, her hair bouncing around her face, her eyes crinkled up in laughter, her mouth smiling. . .

-CRACK-

I suddenly bolt upright and move off the bed, looking around for the source of the noise. It is still daytime; I must have fallen asleep for only a minute.

"Severus Prince." Calls a voice. I jump at the sound and turn around with wand in hand to find the intruder. If Potter ever found some way to enter my house, I swear I would jinx him into Merlin's Mansion. I feel a tugging at my robes and I look down to see a house elf. I step away from its grasp and stare at it in shock. I have only ever studied house elves; we are not rich enough to own any.

"Severus Prince must come with Mercury. Mercury must bring to Master." The elf Mercury said.

"Take me where?" I ask, staring at the creature.

"Prince Mansion. Here is letter from Master." Mercury replies, handing me a letter. I take the letter from him and quickly read it.

"Dear Severus Prince,

We are so proud to hear you are planning to join the Dark Lord. We went to the Malfoy's mansion on your behalf, (we were invited by their son Lucius) and we are so proud you haven't followed your mother's footsteps. We always knew you had Prince Blood in you, and so as our last male heir – and our most worthy – we are leaving you as the heir of the Prince fortunes. Your mother was never worthy enough; she proved it when she married your muggle father. But from what we hear from Lucius, you are.

We would like to meet you in person. Our house elf, Mercury, shall arrive outside your pitiful residence on the 12th hour of tomorrow and has orders to enter your residence and take you if you do not come willingly.

Yours Sincerely,

Xavier and Henrietta Prince."

The blood drains from my face as I think of everything the letter could mean. I turn to my door and walk down the stairs, leaving the house elf in my room. I walk to the kitchen to find mum sitting at the table.

"Mum, the Prince family has decided they want to see me, their house elf is upstairs now." I quickly explain, holding the letter above my head to indicate what I am talking about. Mum sits there staring at her coffee, and after what seems like hours, turns to me.

"Go. Maybe they can teach you not to make the same mistakes I did. Go." She says with slight bitterness.

"But, mum, it is disrespectful for me to go! I am being disrespectful to you!" I say, getting slightly angry.

"Not as disrespectful as marrying a muggle!" She shouts back. "Now go!"  
As if on cue, Mercury apparated into the room.

"Time to go, Severus Prince." The house elf says, holding onto my arm and apparating. I feel my body being squished and I start finding it hard to breathe. But before it becomes too serious, the tightness around my body suddenly stops.

Freeing myself from the elf's grasp, I look around at my new surroundings. The elf had Apparated me directly into the Prince Mansion. The floors are made of black marble, the walls are all covered with portraits of black-haired people, and the whole place is fit for a prince. Ha. I chuckle inwardly at the irony.

"Ah, Severus! My dear Prince! Welcome to our mansion!" Xavier calls from the top of the staircase. He is wearing black robes similar to mine thought notably looser; and he has the same black greasy hair as me although it is slicked back, but as I look into his black eyes, I know we aren't the same people. The thought gives me some relief.

I take a step forward, putting my brave face on and thinking of the reason of why I have to remain strong and get through this. I remind myself of why I have to deny Voldemort, deny the Slytherins and deny my Prince family: Lily. And that's enough for me.

* * *

_**Ok, so I finally posted it. I am so sorry for the delay everyone, I just didn't want to post this chapter. I wasn't happy with it and I kept re-writing it, and in the end I decided to just post it. And I will stop complaining because I know how irritating it is when the author keeps complaining :)**_

_**And if you didn't like this chapter, I am SO SORRY! I promise it will get better, it's just I feel I need to explain certain things to you now so they make sense later. **_

_**And thank you for all your reviews!**_

_**Please read and review, feel free to ask questions!**_

_**Missteque :D**_


	9. New Hope

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 9:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, therefore I do not own any of the HP characters etc. etc.**_

_**Severus Snape POV:**_

I stiffly walk up the stairs staring at Xavier's face. I see him frown and mutter something, but when I reach the top of the stairs his face smoothes into a smile. He then abruptly turns on his heal and walks away.

"Follow." He demands as if I am a slave. As I walk behind him, I try and think of how I am going to get out of this place. I can't help but feel I won't get out of here unless I admit I am going to be a Death-Eater. I try to think of what to do. Well, I assume the Malfoy's invited my …grandparents… to the tea party so they would be 'proud' of me and come back offering me all they have for the glory I could bring for their name. Lucius is extremely shallow to think I would sell my soul for money, for glory. But, Voldemort already knows I am against him, and no doubt knows why; Lucius would have told him everything. If Lucius told my grandparents that I refuse to join because of love, they would never have bothered to communicate with me, because I am filth in their eyes. I can't help but sigh. All of the stories I have ever heard of childhood have been happy memories; but my future and my past is clouded with danger, stress and tragedy – aren't I meant to be too young for this?

All of the sudden, Xavier stops in front of two black doors and they automatically open. As I walk through the door I stand in awe at the room before me. The room is painted black, but the roof is lined in gold. On one wall are -what must be hundreds of portraits- all in ornate golden frames. As I turn to see where Xavier went, I notice he is sitting beside an extravagant fireplace, with an old lady in his company. He raises his hand gesturing for me to sit down. I pull out a soft couch and sit down looking into the fire. Not wanting to see Xavier's eyes I scrutinize the fireplace and it takes a few minutes before I realize that the small ovals are mini portraits.

"Portraits of every Prince worthy of their name." Xavier says, following my gaze. "Yours will be added soon." As I look closer to the portraits I notice with a pang of anger that my mother is not there, though I suppose I shouldn't have expected it. With a frown on my face I turn to look at Xavier.

"Severus, dear, I am your grandmother Henrietta." The old lady next to Xavier introduces. As I turn my gaze to her I realize that she looks fragile. Her face, lined with wrinkles, looks soft and loving. Her eyes are dark yet not black but rather a blue and they are full of life, compared to Xavier's. Her white hair is placed in a neat bun and she is wearing a green shawl. She is somehow different to what I'd expected. She is the opposite of Xavier, who just sits in his chair staring unblinkingly at me. As I look into his eyes again I feel slightly cold - his eyes are lifeless. He seems distant; he doesn't look like he is himself.

"Severus. We need to talk about the future." Xavier says in a snake like voice, observing my facial expression. "Your mother lost our love when she left –like a fool- for that muggle father of yours. She dishonoured us all, and so she is not worthy of the Prince name, and so neither were you. After the Malfoy's tea party and a talk to that kind boy Lucius, I was surprised to hear you are to be accepted into the Dark Lord's ranks. I suppose although you are a half-blood, you're a half-blood Prince. The Dark Lord's acceptance of you is an honour for the family." Xavier explains, toying with his fingers while staring at me. I am beginning to wonder whether I have some weird contortion on my face.

"And so, as a future Death-Eater, you are our only remaining, worthy heir." He finishes.

"There are no others?" I ask, finding the strength to speak.

"They killed each other off in fight for the fortunes…Slytherin Princes…so predictable…" he chuckles with no sympathy. I feel my face begin to turn into one of hate and disgust and I try to smooth it over before he notices. Who could possibly laugh so humourlessly at the death of his own flesh and blood? Especially when they fought to death for his favour?

"Besides, they were never smart enough to be in the ranks of the Dark Lord. Oh, the glory you will bring to our name! And we must think of a suitable marriage for you…after your new ranking you can marry any pureblood…it will erase the disgust of your half blood rank…" Xavier says to himself. I feel my blood boil and I look away from my grandparents. I need to find a way to get out, and fast, before I tell them everything that I am thinking. I look into my grandmother's eyes and feel a sharp pain in my head. I see my grandmothers eyes turn from weary to sympathetic.

"Xavier, dear, you must go and fetch Languine, and don't forget to feed him – he will not be forgiving if you do. I will treat Severus here with some tea." Henrietta quietly commands, not breaking her gaze from mine. I think I should probably buy some of those muggle glasses that are in dark colours, so I don't feel obliged somehow to stare at people. The pain in my head starts becoming more severe and I break my gaze as I grasp my head in pain.

"Bloody stupid serpent gets treated like a cat. Unforgiving? Un bloody merciful; stupid animal nearly bit me last time. 'But it's a gift from my mother' she defends…" Xavier mutters as he stands to leave the room, his black robes fluttering around, leaving a stale smell behind.

"Excuse him dear, time has changed him. He wasn't always like this." Henrietta apologizes in a soft voice. I look into her eyes again and the sharp pain in my head intensifies.

"What do you think about becoming a Death-Eater, Severus?" She asks bluntly in a monotone voice.

"I – er –" I manage to say, taken aback by the question.

"Don't bother lying, dear. I know you love the muggle born Lily Evans. I know of your struggles, of your needs, of your wants. I know you are trying not to be a Death-Eater, and I even know that you think Xavier's eyes are lifeless." She says. I stare at her blankly – I must have misheard her. I have barely uttered a few words in this house and yet she knows my deepest secrets. Stupid old lady lost her marbles. My thoughts are interrupted as she leans towards me and hits me over the head.

"You know Legilimens!" I exclaim with sudden understanding, rubbing my head.

"And you don't know Occumelency, but that I will teach you in time. Severus, there are many words to be said with minimal time to say them." She says as she pulls her shawl over her shoulders tightly. She turns her eyes towards the fire grate and mutters something. Suddenly, purple flames burst out of it. "Quickly, not much time." She says, ushering me into the strange fire. Without thinking, I hop in. A cooling sensation begins at my toes, and works its way up my body, making me feel like a block of ice. What if this takes me directly to Voldemort? I ask myself, feeling stupid for blindly following her. But she makes you see hope, I debate with myself. All of the sudden my body is lurched forward and I fall on a hard stone floor. I quickly scramble and get up, with my wand at the ready.

"Put it down, Severus." Henrietta demands as she appears from the fireplace. I let out a breath as I realize she did not betray me, that I am still safe. She walks over to me and hits me over the head.

"What was that for!" I ask, perplexed.

"One: you can no longer address me as Henrietta but Grandmother. Two: you are stupid enough to think that I would betray you." She says with a smirk on her face.

"Well, you don't know who to trust anymore. And you are a Slytherin Prince who is apparently in league with Voldemort." I mumble.

"Do not say the name! But, you tell the truth. Good boy for being cautious. The times ahead of you are going to be tough my boy, but we are already one step ahead of everyone." She says, kissing me on the forehead. I feel my cheeks burn slightly at the affection – the only ever time I have been kissed, was when Lily kissed my on my cheek. Of course, this thought makes my cheeks redder. _Grandma_ giggles. I turn to her and fix one of my most common scowls and she grins at me.

"Please stay out of my head!" I croak, my voice deeper then normal.

"Sorry dear, it's so cute. Nonetheless, I will hold it in for the sake of your embarrassment. Now, sit down." She says, as she summoned two chairs and a small coffee table. I sit down quickly, waiting attentively to see what my new ally has to say. She sits down in an elegant manner and takes a deep breath.

"Now, you may not understand what I am about to tell you, but eventually you will. First thing is first, you must know your grandfather and I were never against your mother marrying a muggle. But, we had a few encounters with the wicked Grindlewald, encounters which are too gory for your ears. In the end, your grandfather was under the Imperius curse. Even with the Imperius curse lifted, he has never been the same again. I had to make everyone believe that I was in agreement with whatever Xavier did. Poor Eileen, it broke my heart to see her so distressed, but I kept my act." She says in a slightly hushed voice, her eyes closed.

"What act?" I ask.

"Your grandfather and I had to appear to hate all muggle-born and half blood beings. We had to appear stubborn and selfish. Of course, your grandfather didn't have to act much, but I haven't always been so prejudiced." She replies.

"Now, back to my story. As Grindlewald was defeated, he left the Prince family in high ranking among all the pureblood families; second only to the Malfoy family. When the Dark Lord gained power, he rounded up all the men of all the pureblood families and told them he did not want to spill good blood, but he would not let us stop him. Although I do not have Xavier's exact prejudices, I am a Slytherin. I didn't want to die, and so acting to hate everyone wasn't a hard price to pay. Hence, we were in allegiance with the Dark Lord. We never helped; we just sent money here and there." She says, trying to comfort herself. "I have always been against the Dark Lord; he is cruel and unmerciful. But Xavier, ever since Grindlewald's Imperius curse, has never been the same. I have been trying to find someway to help the cause against the Dark Lord…and then you came along."

"Me?" I question, wondering what anyone would want of me, the greasy-haired, big-nosed, dark-arts geek who is head over heels for a muggle born. The perfect stereotype to defeat a Dark Lord, I'm sure.

"Yes, Severus. Your generation is the generation that will bring the Dark Lord down." She sighs. "I am so proud of you; I am so proud that you have managed to do what is right and not wrong, that you have begun your own path. I swear, if I ever meet this Lily Evans, I will thank her for being your girlfriend – her love has saved you." She says with a loving voice.

"She's not my girlfriend." I cough, embarrassed.

"She will be." Grandma retorts smugly. I turn my head and look at the room, avoiding her eyes. "Anyway Severus, back to other matters. There is still a lot to tell you, a lot to teach you. I will expect to be seeing you once a week until your return to Hogwarts."

"What about Xavier?" I ask, wondering how she keeps her true self hidden.

"I have your grandfather under control. Oh! And Severus, whenever you are in need of money, just call for Mercury and you have access to our Gringotts account – our money is now yours. And in case you are worrying, you will always be the heir of the Prince fortune; you are worthy of it, even though not for the reasons your grandfather believes." She says, looking at me attentively.

"I'm not worrying about-" I say, but am cut off mid-sentence.

*CRACK*

I look around for the source of the noise and find Mercury standing at my feet once more, grasping my hand. As I look up to my grandmother once more, I see she has tears in her eyes, and before I know it I am apparated back to Spinner's End.

* * *

_**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! I keep freaking out that it isn't good enough and keep re-doing it. From now on I will just post it :)**_

_**And also, I like to handwrite the story and then type it, which takes a little time.**_

_**I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing. As I mentioned before, there are a few bits that you have to know for the rest of the story to work...**_

_**And I promise a nice little Sev/Lily seen will be coming in the near future...**_

_***AND* Sorry for any grammatical mistakes/spelling mistakes! I have edited it a few times, but there is always something I have missed.**_

_**Please read and review, feel free to make any comments or ask any questions.**_

_**I will gladly reply to every single one of them! Thank you all so much for your patience!**_

_**Missteque xx**_


	10. A Muggle Day

**BitterSweet, Chapter 10:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling; I do not own any of the characters etc. etc.**

**Severus POV:**

"Mum, I am going out for a few hours." I yell into the lounge room as I run out of the house grabbing my jacket.

"Boy, you get your skin-" Tobias' voice is shut off as I slam the door. Tucking my wand into my pocket, I walk over to the meeting place.

"Sev!" Lily yells from the other side of the road, running over and wrapping her arms around me. Fighting the instinct to pull her arms away, I hug her lightly back. "It has been two weeks since I last saw you – and that was when we dropped you off at Spinner's End! Why haven't you owled me to meet up sooner?" She asks, slightly offended.

"Nice to see you too Lily." I reply, rolling my eyes. She just pokes her tongue at me, forgetting her anger. She grabs my hand as if it was normal and starts walking down the street.

"Where are we going?" I ask, my eyebrows knitting together. We were meant to just sit at the park, and now were walking the opposite way.

"I am taking you out for a drink. You've been jailed up for two weeks and need to get out." Lily reasons, looking at me from the corner of her eye. I feel my stomach knot up. I hate being amongst muggles; I feel awkward and uneasy. "And, we need a good place to talk."

"I'm not dressed for going out." I quickly retaliate, tugging her hand to go the other direction.

"Sev, you look great." She says in a soft tone, her cheeks slightly pink. "Quick! We're going to miss the bus!" She suddenly exclaims, as the muggle vehicle stops a few metres ahead of us. She pulls me into a run with her. We make it onto the bus and then I realize I don't have any muggle money with me. Of course.

"Don't worry, today is my treat." Lily says sweetly, noticing that my hands were searching my pockets for money. Handing me my ticket, she walks over to a spare couple of seats. I walk over and sit next to her, with my arms crossed across my chest and my hair covering my face so nobody else can see me clearly.

"I'll pay you back later." I say gruffly, embarrassed.

"No. Let me treat you for once; besides you're in my world now." Lily says simply, looking outside the window. As the minutes pass, I watch Lily in an amused way. Her facial expressions are so serene, so beautiful. With a beanie neatly on her beautiful red hair, she is dressed in a range of white and light pink clothing, everything colour coded. She looks angelic.

The bus suddenly jolts forward to a stop, and I jump up out of my seat ready to leave.

"This isn't our stop, the next one is." Lily explains quietly as she pulls me to sit down. I look at her face again I see her features are downcast.

"Lily, what's –" I begin to ask, before an elderly woman interrupts.

"Young man, may I sit there? These bones of mine are not what they used to be." An old lady asks. Ready to tell her to leave me alone, I meet Lily's expectant gaze and can't find it in my heart to disappoint her.

"Of course." I say in a kind voice as I move out of the seat.

"Why thank you dear. Sorry to disturb your time with your pretty sweetheart here! I remember when I was in love…" the lady comments. I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment and anger. I pretend to not have heard the comment, and I stare directly ahead of me, grabbing hold of the pole for support as the bus moves. Out of the corner of my eye I see Lily smile, and somehow it makes all the embarrassment feel worth it.

Sometime later, the bus stops again and Lily says goodbye to the lady as we exit the vehicle. After walking a dozen metres down the street, I hear a little voice call out.

"Mister! Mister! Mister with the red-headed Miss!" the person shouts, the voice getting nearer. I turn around curiously only to see a little child in front me holding my wand. "Mister! You dropped your stick! I saw it fall out of your pocket!" The little girl says, panting from the run from the bus stop. I look up at Lily with a surprised expression.

"Thank you. Could I please have it back?" I ask as kind as possible, bending down to the child's level. Not seeming phased by my closeness, she hands me over my wand, watching me intently.

"Mister, why do you carry a stick around?" She asks innocently. I chuckle at the question while tucking the wand into my pocket again.

"It's to keep away mean people." I say in a hushed voice for exaggeration. The little girl nods her head, believing every word. Her big green eyes and high ponytails remind me of when Lily was little.

"Isabella? Isabella! What are you doing talking to strangers?" A lady scolds, grabbing the little girl's hand.

"The man dropped his stick. I gave it back to him." Isabella responds proudly. The woman's face softens at her daughter's enthusiasm. Grabbing her daughter's hand, she stares at me with a judging look. One of those you-must-be-insane looks. Quickly, I begin to feel mildly awkward and uncomfortable.

"Thank you Isabella. We must get going now – have a good day." I thank, quickly grabbing Lily's hand and walking off. As Lily and I walk further down the street we can hear Isabella talk to her mother.

"The man carries a stick to keep away mean people. Can I get a stick mummy?" She asks her mother. I can't help but chuckle, and I see Lily giggle at the little girl's comment. We continue walking for some time, not saying anything. It is a pleasant silence; not awkward, and I am surprisingly comfortable as I observe a normal muggle day.

"In here!" She says suddenly, grabbing my hand and pulling me into a small confined room.

"What would you like to drink, Sev?" She asks me as she steps towards the counter.

"Uh…I don't know. What is there?" I reply, looking at my surroundings. This is the first time in 9 years I've fully been amongst muggles, I realize.

After ordering our drinks, Lily leads me over to a single table in the corner of the room. The room is small but modern and cozy. The walls are painted chocolate brown and there are lounges on one side of the room, the room filled with strange aromas and a little too warm temperature.

"That little girl was so cute. You know, you're pretty good with children, Sev." Lily compliments, smiling as she sits down. I feel myself begin to close up at the compliment, my arms itching to fold across my chest, my eyebrows itching to scowl.

"Uh, thanks." I say, fighting the urge to close up. Fortunately a waitress comes to our table and serves us our drinks, preventing Lily from noticing my reaction. I look at the brown substance wearily, and see Lily savouring the aroma before quickly taking a sip. She sees my expression and rolls her eyes.

"After 8 years of being your best friend, I would have thought you'd trust me by now! It's hot chocolate." She mocks, gulping the rest of hers down. I allow myself a little sip. The taste is better then any magical hot chocolate I've ever tasted; it's so smooth…so creamy. As I too gulp it down, I see Lily laughing at me. I start to frown.

"What's funny?" I ask.

"You." She laughs. Seeing her laugh makes me laugh, and before long we're both laughing hysterically; something I have not done for many years.

After finally calming down, the conversation becomes serious. "So, what's taken you so long to get out of Spinner's End?" Lily asks, trying not to seem nosey yet failing miserably. Gryffindors.

"You wouldn't believe me." I say, wanting to see her reaction. Her eyes light up with a defiance.

"I bet I would. Try me." She replies.

"I went to my grandparents' house and they have made me the heir of the Prince fortunes, pretty much." I say simply. Lily's eyes widen.

"You're kidding! I thought they didn't have anything to do with you because of…" Lily's voice trails off and she looks at me as if she was frightened I would be offended by her comment.

"Here's what's happened:" I say, leaning forward, ready to tell her all of the details. She leans forward as well - our heads are so close that my nose is practically grazing against hers. "My Prince grandparents sent a house elf to get me, and brought me to the mansion. After small talk with my grandfather Xavier, my grandmother Henrietta took me into a different room. She is a Legilimens, and she knows I am not going to be a Death-Eater. She is on our side, Lily. She told me what happened to her and Xavier, and why they haven't talked to me or my mother. Xavier doesn't know that she is on our side though; he thinks I will be a Death-Eater. Nonetheless both have named me as their heir. Since then, I have been going back every few days to learn Occumelency and to study all other forms of magic." I finish, leaning back. Lily stares at me for a while, gathering all of her thoughts.

"But how did they know you were going to be a Death-Eater in the first place?" She asks, confused.

"Lucius invited them over to the tea party in my place. I assume Lucius thought that my proud grandparents' offering of the mansion would tempt me to join. He never told them why I wasn't going to be a Death-Eater, either." I say. I feel my mouth go dry as I realize I have said too much, and Lily notices my slip up.

"What did make you change?" She asks as innocently as Isabella asked me why I carry a stick. I try to search for an answer to give her, but find nothing believable.

"I will tell you later. Any other questions?" I say quickly, my irritation showing. Understanding my discomfort with the conversation, she asks another question.

"What are your grandparents actually like?" She asks, folding the napkin in her hands continuously.

"Xavier is a pureblood Slytherin who hates everyone with a lower status. He is cruel. Henrietta is a pureblood Slytherin who actually has kind spirit; she is amazing. She is very funny, and she cares so much. You should meet her one day." I say. She chuckles.

"I doubt Xavier is that bad. I am sure he is just acting like that." She replies.

"You always see the best in people, remember?" I remind her. She just grins back at me. I sigh.

"So, does this mean life is going to get easier for you? Not having to worry about pretending anymore?" She asks hopefully.

"I wish. It means I have to pretend more; as if I have two lives. No one can know about my grandmother. My mother doesn't even know. And there is such a long road ahead, but I guess this means that I will have one more ally." I answer truthfully, thinking of all the possibilities.

"Well, at least you know, I will always be here for you." Lily says, covering my hand with hers. I look up into her eyes and see her green eyes staring back at me intently.

The whole walk home Lily has been quiet, playing with her hands as we walk back. I've noticed that today she hasn't been herself. Not knowing how to deal with the situation, I remain quiet. Once we get back to the original meeting spot, I turn to go home.

"I will see you soon, won't I Sev? You will make time between me and your grandmother?" She asks sceptically, finally speaking. I turn back to look at her standing there with her hands clasped, looking down at the ground. As I look at her, my heart swells, and I know in my heart I will have to tell her soon. I had a plan in mind; it could either make or break me. I just have to try.

"Hey Lily, I have an idea. How bout you meet me here in two days?" I ask, my heart beating loudly.

"Christmas Eve?" She asks. Seeing me nod mutely, she smiles. "Sure." She replies.

"Great. Uh…Thanks for the good day…Goodnight." I say, trying not to let my excitement show in my voice. Starting to feel awkward again, I turn around and start walking to my house.

"See you later, Sev." She says, grabbing my arm and stopping me, kissing my cheek. I feel my skin tingle from her touch, and I fight the instinctive reaction to claim her as my own. I turn to look at her, and nod my head in farewell, not trusting my voice this time. As I walk away, touching the spot where she kissed me for the second time, I could swear I could hear Lily giggling from further down the street.

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**There you have it, the next chapter. I am already in the midst of writing the next one and it should be up soon. I really hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and as per usual, I hope you excuse any mistakes in there that I've missed. **

**This chapter was a bit more difficult then usual to write because I had the whole thing planned out in my head, and it was a lot harder to get onto paper! I really wanted to show you guys Sev in a normal muggle environment. If you are confused at all, please don't hesitate to ask any questions!**

**And thank you guys SO much for all your reviews for the last chapter - they made me cry! I really, really appreciated them all! **

**Please read and review, all questions and comments appreciated, and I will reply to them promptly!**

**Missteque xx**


	11. Parslemouth Prince

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 11:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not J.K Rowling, hence I do not own any of the characters etc. etc.**_

_**Severus' POV:**_

"Ready for some more Occlumency?" Grandma asks me as I step through the floo channel. She is pacing in the room in anxiously, her velvet green robes flowing around her.

"Of course." I answer, my voice in a lighter tone. One thing I've noticed from 'when I took hold of my own future' was that my voice doesn't have that dark, deep…compelling sound to it. The thought frustrates me as I feel as though I am becoming less like myself everyday.

"Wipe that frown off, Severus. You don't want it to become permanent." Grandma demands in a strict tone. "Now, you know what to do. Prepare yourself." She warns. I sit down on a chair and breathe in deeply, trying to erase my emotions and pick a memory to protect.

"One…Two…Legilimens!" She casts, and immediately I can feel pressure building up in my head. I try to focus on protecting the 'chosen' memory, attempting to divert the 'intruder' by various memories and thoughts. As I hide the memory by showing more and more thoughts, the faster Grandma weaves her way through my defences. But, just before she gets to the memory, she gives up and breaks the connection.

"Well done, well done. I have to admit, it has been only two weeks and you have become one of the most accomplished Occlumen I have met." She compliments, her eyes twinkling. She summons an extra chair and sits down.

"Have you preformed Legilimency or Occlumency before?" She asks curiously, cocking her head to the side slightly. I remember back to when I was in the library studying various Dark Arts books, and coming across the art of Occlumency and Legilimency. I tried to study it further but I could only practice in theory because know one else knew of the subject hence I couldn't practice. Professor Baggins was the first person I had preformed Legilimens on.

"A little and only a little. I have studied it thoroughly and attempted it once before." I answer finally.

"Interesting…" She concludes. "Well, either way, you are very skilled at it, which means all occlumency lessons from now on are unnecessary and I can teach you the more important skills!…now some milk and cookies to celebrate…" she suddenly decides, leaping up from the chair and moving to the corner of the room, muttering. Then out of nowhere, milk and cookies appear. "There they are." She exclaims at their appearance.

As we sat and ate cookies, I felt happy; content. For what seems like the first time in my life, I have found somebody who loves me and cares for me. Ironically enough, it happens to be one of the most unlikely people - Grandma has turned out to be just that. Her personality is different from the general stereotype of purebloods. Although she can be moody and demanding at times, she is loving and caring, and makes me feel wanted.

"So Severus, what plans do you have for Christmas day?" Grandma asks, leaning into the chair, breaking me from my thoughts.

"I'm not sure. I do have plans for tomorrow though." I reply, not wanting talk further about said plans.

"Oh?" She queries.

"Uh…" I cough, knowing it pointless to lie. "I am going to tell Lily tomorrow night how I feel." I say, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Had this been anyone else, I would never have said it aloud. In fact, if I were in my right state of mind, I probably wouldn't do it at all. A slight smile appears on her face.

"Congratulations. I _was_ going to ask you and your parents to come to dinner tomorrow night, but it seems as though you will be quite busy. Nonetheless, I will ask you to invite your parents on my behalf." She comments, straightening out her robes on her lap as if we were talking about the weather. I feel the blood drain out of my face.

"My parents? What about Tobias? What about Xavier?" I ask in shock. Grandma knows that mum wants to renew the relationship with her, but she also knows that Tobias hates both family & magic and would never agree to come, nor would Xavier let them.

"I will deal with Xavier dear, as well as your father. Tobias, when encouraged and motivated, can be civilized." She comments slyly. My thoughts start running wild – when encouraged and motivated! How would she know!

"So, when you go home tonight, tell your parents that they are invited to stay at the Prince Manor for the next few days; I have a room for them already set up." Grandma concludes, interrupting me from my thoughts. "Of course, you are more then welcome to come and join them but I have a funny feeling Miss Evans will be occupying your time." She says with a twinkle in her eye that made me squirm a little. "And the lesson is officially over." Grandma declares, checking her watch. Getting up from the chair she takes my arm and apparates into the main room, leaving no time for back-chat or questions.

"Do you always have to cut the conversation off so I can't reply?" I ask, slightly irritated as I find my balance. The only answer I get is a small chuckle. Grandma and I agreed that whatever is said in the practice room must stay in the practice room, therefore conversations can't be continued outside the practice room. Grandma also constantly makes sure that we enter and leave the practice room at certain times. She is hiding something; that much is obvious. Like a Prince, she won't tell me why, no matter how many times I ask. As I ponder my thoughts, the only sound heard is the soft sound of our feet as we walk down the dark ornate hallways to the fernery, where Xavier is waiting. As we near the door, Grandma straightens her back and smoothes out any emotion in her face; all the kindness swept from her. Opening the double doors gracefully, she enters the room with a sense of confidence and well-worth. I follow in behind her, trying to imitate her grace and actions, but knowing I am no where near as good as her. Xavier turns to look at us, and scowls.

"What's the boy doing down here? He needs keep training for the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord needs to know how worthy and strong the Prince family are." Xavier grumbles, as he levitates dead rats into a golden bowl.

"Xavier, be reasonable. The poor boy needs a rest, and he needs to be going home soon. His parents are coming over to stay for a few nights." Henrietta says, staring meaningfully at Xavier. Xavier's scowl deepens as he grunts in acknowledgment. I can feel shock take over my face at his reaction – which is so different to what I expected – but remembering where I am, I wipe it off my face. "Boy. Come and meet Linguini." Xavier says in a slight mocking voice, which unnerves me. Grandma steps forward as if to stop something from happening, but holds herself back just in time. I walk forward to Xavier hesitantly.

"Xavier, he is just a boy. Maybe now isn't the best time to be showing him Linguini, after all Linguini is hungry and…" Henrietta says, trailing off at Xavier's stare.

"The boy will manage fine. If I have to deal with the bloody monster myself, so can he. He will be facing much worse soon anyway." Xavier snaps in a harsh voice. I keep my face clear of all emotion but feel my stomach turn inside. I hate snakes. I can see from the corner of my eye Grandma searching my face for any trace of fear, but not seeing any, maintains her façade and keeps quite. Xavier shows me a smirk as he walks towards a golden cage.

"Linguini, come out and play…" Xavier calls. As he opens up the gate's door, Grandma immediately takes a few steps back, as does Xavier, and I ready myself for whatever this monster is going to do. Waiting a few minutes for it to appear, I finally see a big, thick snake slither out of the cage towards me. The length of the snake must be nearing two meters, and I am frozen in shock as I watch him come towards me. Reaching my feet, he starts to climb up my legs, and coil around my body.

"So. Hungry. Must. Eat." I hear the snake call as he begins to tighten around my body, his head level to mine. I hear a small squeal come from Grandma and a loud crash, but all voices and sounds become distant.

"I am not the one you want to eat." I call back to the snake. "Get off me now, and I will give you what you seek." I say, albeit unconsciously. Linguini's grip tightens around my body for a few seconds, before releasing and falling to the ground.

"My master." The snake says. I stare at the ugly animal at my feet in realization of what I have just done. I'm a parslemouth. Gathering all my strength to not show weakness, I walk over to the golden bowl and set it in front of the Linguini. He slithers forward and bows his head to me, before consuming the dead rats whole. Unable to look at him anymore, I look up only to find my grandparents in the corner of the room. Grandma is kneeling down with a hand on her cheek and Xavier looks at me as if I had just told him I wasn't going to be a Death-Eater. Ha.

"The Dark Lord, will be most impressed…a parslemouth in the Prince family…the possibilities…" Xavier says, finally catching his voice. "Severus, you are the true Prince heir…I must prepare the house…new robes…" he says, thinking aloud as he walks out of the door, almost in a trance. I turn to look at Grandma who is now standing up.

"Good job. I was terrified for a minute; I had a terrible vision of a snake killing you…thank goodness it wasn't true…" She comments, wrapping her arms around me. I breathe a sigh of relief at my own small victory. "It's time to go now." Grandma says, leading me down to the main door.

"Don't forget to invite your parents, Severus." She says expectantly. "And take this. It is a shampoo from a muggle store that will do your hair the world a good. Good luck with Lily dear." She says, giving me the shampoo and another hug. "Mercury." She says standing up straight again, calling for the house elf.

Mercury appears and grabs my arm, and we apparate to the doorway of Spinner's End. Thanking Mercury, I walk through the door into the house.

Instead of normally going to my room, I stroll into the lounge room and sit down on one of the couches, next to mum. Mum and I never exchange words about how my visits have been going; if Tobias heard he would be livid. I just look at her and nod. I hear a grunt come from the front of the room and notice Tobias standing against the wall. He looks like a pauper; his clothes all holey and his hair flattened against his face by sweat. He has a bottle of beer in one hand and as he takes a swig, the froth of the beer covers his mouth and the tip of his nose.

"You've taken your time getting here boy. I don't know where you go, I don't know what you do, but it's going to stop now. You can't just go leaving this house everyday and coming back in the afternoon as if you have something important to do! You are a stupid, vile freak who –" Tobias's voice is cut off by my voice.

"Henrietta and Xavier Prince have invited you both over to stay at the mansion for the next few days. She won't take no for an answer." I interrupt, my voice deep with anger. Tobias just stares at me blankly, and then straightens up his holey clothes and wipes away the beer froth from his mouth. I look over to mum who is next to me to see her head bent down and her bottom lip quivering. Once again feeling useless and awkward, I walk out of the lounge room up to my room and lie down on my bed. I start drifting off to sleep with different thoughts clouding my head: Why did Tobias act so differently once I told him of the invite? Why am I a parslemouth? What is Grandma hiding? And will I be strong enough to tell Lily?

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_**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! I can not believe how long it has been already. I am so sorry. And I know I tend to take forever to right, and again I am sorry for that. Lately, I have been experiencing many issues at home with family etc. and I have also been sick, but still no excuse!**_

_**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and again sorry for any grammar mistakes etc. I plan to update as soon as possible. Also hope it wasn't too confusing! And I am also sorry for this irritating authors note :P I will now shush.**_

_**Please feel free to ask questions, I will answer all of them. Also, if you enjoyed the chapter, please read and review. Reviews make me so happy :)**_

_**I will try my hardest to update soon,**_

_**And thanks to everyone who has been supporting me,**_

_**Missteque.**_


	12. The Miracle of Christmas Eve

BitterSweet, Chapter 12:

_**Disclaimer: I am not the unbelievable JK Rowling, hence I own none of the characters, etc. etc.**_

_**Severus POV:**_

All through the night I toss and turn, trying to figure out the best way to tell her. Of course I don't expect her to like me back –who would- but I have to know. Every time I look at her I am haunted by the thought she likes someone else. Honestly, I am sure she does. The way she blushes when we are together makes it obvious she wants to leave. She likes Potter. Of course she does! My thoughts go back and forth in denial, torturing me as I sleep. Tired and bothered, I wake up and get out of bed. I open the dusty curtains to see that it isn't even dawn yet and yawning, I decide to lie back down on my bed.

I sigh. I know that I love her so much that if…if she went out with that bastard Potter, I wouldn't stop her. How could I be greedy enough to wreck her happiness? She could never be happy with me anyways, so I guess that is a moot point and I should get used to it.

Suddenly, my closed eyes open at the unusual sound of movement and talking from downstairs. Grabbing my wand, I run down the stairs into the kitchen to see a scene I would believe impossible. Standing before me is Tobias who has shaven his beard, combed his hair and dressed like a general muggle; not a dirty one. What is even more shocking is that he has one hand on mum's shoulder and the other on the wheelchair. I look into his eyes and get an uneasy feeling. Something is wrong here.

"What's going on here?" I ask, my voice hoarse from sleep.

"Don't talk like that to us." My mother snaps at me. I frown in frustration – Tobias normally tells me off. Not mum.

"We are going to your grandparent's now." Tobias answers in an almost mechanical voice.

"For how long?" I ask, surprised that they actually agreed to go. This is the first time since I can remember that they are getting out of the house, together. Neither of my parents answered but Mum handed me a piece of parchment. As I took a glance at the first word, Tobias starts wheeling mum out to the doorway.

"Don't wreck the house, Severus. And don't forget to say hello to little Marge for me!" Mum calls from the doorway. Following her words is the soft crack that signals they had apparated. It is then that I realize that I am home alone, for the first time ever. Not needing to be anywhere, I stroll over to the table and sit down, wondering why the hell mum mentioned Marge. I flatten out the parchment she handed me and read it.

_Tobias and Eileen,_

_As Severus would have told you, I have invited you both over to stay at Prince Manor for a few nights, and I shall treat you to my Christmas roast. Severus has other matters to attend to, which we have discussed hence he will not come. Severus is planning on spending time with his muggle friends – Vernon and Marge._

_My house elf, Mercury, shall arrive at your doorstep by the crack of dawn, so please be prompt._

_See you soon,  
Henrietta Prince._

I just sit and stare at the letter – how did Grandma even know about Vernon and Marge? They are the two fat kids that happen to live in the neighbourhood. Stupid, selfish muggles that I was forced to play with as a toddler. Mum gave up trying to convince me to play with muggles when I gave Vernon a lovely monkey's tale which resulted in her having to Obliviate Vernon's memory.

Deciding I don't care about the letter, I get up and walk over to the cupboard. I have never been allowed to open the cupboard; apparently it was for adults only – according to Tobias. I open the cupboard and scan the dusty shelves for something edible. The only items there is a tin with a picture of a hot drink on the front labelled as 'coffee', a tin with a picture of fish on it and a loaf of mouldy bread. Deciding the canned-drink looks best, I take the tin and read the instructions. I boil the kettle and get a cup from the cupboard. After wiping the interior of the cup, I begin filling it with the brown powder, and when the water is boiled, I pour the water into the cup and mix it with my finger. A lovely, warming aroma comes from the drink and makes my stomach grumble with hunger. I grab the cup and make my way into the living room, but a strange light catches my eye. Walking back to the table in the kitchen, I stare at the parchment as my grandmother's black formal writing transforms into her green casual writing. I pick it up cautiously, but realize it's just a hidden letter. I sit down and take a sip of the coffee- which has a strong bitter taste- and read my letter.

_Severus,_

_I told your parents that you are spending time with those muggle kids –Vernon and Marge- but I know you aren't. However, I needed to give an explanation for why you wouldn't be joining us._

_I expect you to be responsible for the house and I have found a reversing spell that will help you- PrinceTellMeNot. It will allow you to perform spells as an underage citizen without any interference from the Ministry of Magic. But, don't go casting spells like You-Know-Who is attacking you, unless he is. You have a limit of 10, after that you will be in trouble with the Ministry._

_How is that possible, you may ask? Dear boy, the Prince family has many privileges…and friends in high places. That is all I shall say on the matter, for there is no need for me to feed your curiosity._

_Good luck with Lily,  
Henrietta (Grandma to you)._

I take another gulp of the coffee and scowl. For a few sweet moments of bliss I had forgotten about my plans with Lily. I feel the stress from the night take over my body; my shoulders start to ache and my body becomes rigid. Feeling a fool for even trying with the whole thing, I skull the rest of my drink and make my way to my room. I gather some muggle clothes –holey blue jeans with a green skivvy being the most formal I really own- and the shampoo Grandma gave me and I make my way to the bathroom. Not even bothering to turn the cold water on, I leave the hot water run as I strip off my clothes. Jumping into the shower I feel the automatic sting of the boiling water, but it isn't too long until my body relaxes. I grab the shampoo- and remembering my last experience with the stuff- apply it to my hair. Once I feel my body relax and my hair feels clean, I turn the tap off and change into my muggle clothes. I sigh in frustration as the skivvy hangs on me like a rag; none of Tobias' stuff ever fits. I look into the mirror and watch a scowl form on the image before me. Totally worthless. Who could ever prefer this to Potter? Not for the first time today, I feel like banging my head against a wall for being so stupid. I thought I eliminated all vulnerabilities. The old Snape would never have done what I plan to do; he would have sucked it up and lived with the pain of never telling her. Trying to avoid that path, I have now made my life a life spent knowing she never loved me.

Cursing and groaning, I stomp around the house to find something to do to take my mind of things. I walk into my still-dusty room and decide to dust it. Moving around the room, wiping every surface with my socks, I come across the only photo I own. It is a picture of Lily and I back when, as children, our thoughts were not so torturous. The muggle picture is still, with Lily smiling with her arms wrapped around me and one of my arms around her. My face has a rare smile – which only Lily ever sees- and I see a relaxed, younger version of myself. I take the photo and sit on the bed, just looking at it. What was I thinking? Of course I have to tell her. Yes, I will be admitting vulnerability, weakness. Yes I will be rejected, hurt, humiliated... And yet, all of this anger and fear for my well-being disappears as I stare at the photo. She is my best friend and I owe her that much. Even if I have to live a lifetime alone, at least she knows, before the truth eats me and makes me do something I'll repent.

Sighing, I stand up and go downstairs. The light filtrating onto the staircase is littered with dust and I decide to get my socks and continue dusting. For what must be hours, I walk around the house, dusting and exploring different parts of the house. The repetitive movements keep me distracted; something that rarely happens.

Suddenly, there is alight tap, and I run from a strange back room to the lounge room and see an unusual barn owl at the window. I walk over and lift the window, with just enough room to grab the owl. Once inside, I take the note off its leg and offer it some coffee beans –which it rejects- then set it off again. I feel my body close in dread as I notice the seal on the parchment: Malfoy. Opening it, I maintain my emotions and read through the letter.

_Snape._

_The Dark Lord is sorry to hear you're not to join us on our path to wealth and glory. But he isn't sorry to pronounce you and those you hold close as enemies._

_However the Dark Lord believes that if … a certain obstacle –or mudblood, per say- is removed from your path, you will willingly join. If you join, you will be punished for your foolishness, then accepted into the circle._

_Know that from hence forth you and your mudblood are our enemies and will be wiped out accordingly. Especially Evans. But think of it this way: when we get rid of her, it will teach you what vulnerability and emotions do to you. You've always been one for learning, and I have a funny feeling it won't be a lesson you'll forget._

_Lucius._

I sit down slowly as I allow the words to sink through. I curse myself for my stupidity. How could I possibly forget the danger I am putting her in? Just by being friends? The prophecy has still got its chance to play with my destiny; anything can happen. I cannot lose her. I grunt in utter agony at the complication of it all. And as if to really make it the worst day possible, it begins to snow outside, which wrecks my set-up plan for Lily. Looking outside, I see the skies darkening and I decide it is time to retrieve Lily. Grabbing my Slytherin scarf (which Grandma gave me) and Tobias' extra-large coat, I tuck my wand into the pocket and leave the house, not bothering to lock it. After all, the whole neighbourhood knows we own nothing valuable- Tobias is renown for borrowing money and never being able to pay it back. Feeling as though I should do something special for Lily, I make a detour to the play ground and set up as much as I can (using the PrinceTellMeNot spell) in the snow, also adding numerous protective charms. Once I have done all I can do, I walk towards Lily's house, my body moving against the icy wind.

The closer I get to her house, the more decorative the houses become. Lights, figurines and statues begin to appear, showing families' festiveness. And then finally, I arrive at Lily's house. I stand on the footpath marvelling at the decorations on the Evans' house. Lights line the house and there is a small, simple wreathe on their door. I walk the few extra steps to the front door, and feel my body go into flight or fight mode. Knocking the door with two short raps, I wait at the door as my palms sweat and my breathing speeds up. Definitely stupid.

"What do you want?" Petunia sneers as she opens the door with a hand on her hip. As I begin to scowl, her lip begins to curl.

"I would like to see Lily." I reply, my voice cold. She rolls her eyes and mutters 'fine', slamming the door in my face. Suddenly, my senses become more alert, and I am aware of everything: from the sweaty palms to my heart rate to the snow flakes in my hair to the sound of footsteps running.

"Hello, Severus." Lily greets as she flings the door open. I feel my heart stop then beat faster as I look into her eyes.

"Hi." I greet lamely. Oblivious to my inner turmoil, she turns and tells her parents she will be out, and then closes the door behind her.

"Where to?" She asks, jumping to my side, putting a beanie on.

"Uh…the playground. I have a surprise." I say, my voice nervous.

"Ok." She says simply, walking beside me. We walk in total silence, the snow falling softly around us. As we near the playground, I gently grab Lily's arm to stop her.

"Could you please cover your eyes?" I ask.

"Nope!" She says childishly.

"Lily, if you don't do it, I will have to." I warn, unwilling to let her wreck the surprise after all my effort. She smiles mischievously at me and says "Fine. You do it."

"Bloody Gryffindor." I mutter. I put my hands around her eyes gently and walk behind her. With the snow falling heavier, I begin to wonder whether my decorations still remain. I walk her over to the swings and sit her down on the middle swing so she faces my decorations.

"Ready, set, look." I say as I lift my hands to reveal the playground. She just sits there and stares, not saying a word. I begin to panic, wondering where I went wrong, but before I utter a word, Lily speaks.

"It is beautiful, Sev." She whispers in awe. Feeling relieved, I signal to move over to the blanket set in the middle of the park, mere metres from the swings and she grabs my hand as we walk. As I sit down on the blanket I look at the scene around me. I had put lights in all of the trees and all over the playground, and a simple red blanket on the snowy ground, with a rose on the side and one burning candle. I look into Lily's eyes and feel something deep inside me unlock. She smiles at me, searching for something to say.

"This is amazing Sev. The lights are so beautiful." She comments. I look away in embarrassment to the string of decorated houses and see her house.

"Your house looks great." I comment back, trying to make conversation. She chuckles.

"It's so plain and simple compared to all the rest." She replies, her eyes downcast.

"It's the best I've seen." I mumble honestly. The silence begins to grow, and I feel my heart quicken.

"Lily, there is something I have to tell you." I say, my throat suddenly becoming dry. She looks deep into my eyes and her cheeks flush.

"Yes?' She breathes, biting her lip. Instantly I feel my body close up and I think of all the reasons of why I shouldn't tell her. But for once, I act on impulse.

"I love you." I say, my voice deep and husky, our eyes locked. "Of course, I know you don't like me. I understand. I just thought you should know." I excuse lamely. She stares at me and blinks a few times before speaking.

"You love me?" She questions incredously. As the world continues to spin, and the snow continues to fall, I admit my biggest weakness.

"Always." I whisper, closing my eyes against the pain of rejection. I hear her gasp quietly. Slowly I open my eyes and see Lily staring at me intently. She leans across slowly, wrapping her arms around me before pulling my head towards hers, our lips colliding. Without thinking I feel our lips move in unison and I hold onto her with all my might. Finally breaking away, panting, she hugs me.

"I love you too." She whispers into my chest. I feel my heart begin to soar with a happiness that I have never felt before as I realize what has just happened. Lily Evans loves me.

* * *

_3rd POV:_

_But little did they know that they were being watched…_

* * *

Severus POV:

For what could have been hours, we cuddle as the snow falls around us. Then Lily starts to giggle and the sound alarms me slightly.

"May I ask what is so funny, Miss Evans?" I ask formally. She giggles more.

"I have waited so long for you to tell me." She says simply, pecking my lips.

Chuckling myself, I soak up the glory of the moment.

After some time, I stand up and pull Lily to her feet. I start walking with her to her house, and she grabs my hand, holding it as we walk. I am quite positive she has no idea that every move she makes towards me sends my heart into fits, let alone when she kissed me. It is silent, but not the awkward silence of before. I steal a quick glance at Lily and see her smiling happily. I walk Lily right up to the doorstep, and not knowing what to do in the situation, I hug Lily. She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek and then prances off inside her house.

As I walk to Spinner's End, I remain dazed and unbelieving. The most beautiful, intelligent girl in the entire world loves me. Not even the knowledge of what I am to face or all the dangers in the world could bring me down. I touch my lips where Lily previously had kissed. My first kiss; and it couldn't have been more perfect. I feel my heart begin to thunder in my chest at remembering how it felt; there is only one word to describe it – magical.

The sound of running footsteps breaks me out of my trance and in the second it takes to turn around I have my wand in hand, prepared for someone to attack. But, instead, the sight in front of me tugs at my heart. As I stare into Lily's teary eyes, I go into panic mode and wonder whether she has been hurt; or worse, whether she has changed her mind. But, as she begins to cry freely, she reaches for me and I hug her tightly, as if I could take all the pain away. After running through all the possibilities of what could be wrong in my head, once she stopped sniffling, curiosity got the better of me.

"What's wrong Lily?" I ask, worried. The snow around us began to fall harder, and Lily's teeth start chattering.

"It-it's Petunia." She stutters. Her words trigger rage within my body. "Sh-she saw us to-together. Sh-she said h-horrible s-stuff and I r-ran away. N-ow I h-have no where to s-stay and it is Christmas Eve!" Lily says, exasperated, as the tears began to fall again. Feeling at a loss seeing her this way, I say the only thing that comes into my mind.

"Do you want to stay at my house?" I blurt out before I could stop the words. I mentally kick myself- just because she said she loves me doesn't mean she trusts me at all!

"A-are you s-sure?" Lily asks hesitantly, looking at me in the eyes.

"Uh…yeah." I say. Grabbing her hand, I start my walk back to Spinners' End. It is as I wonder how I would smuggle her into the house that I remember that my parents are away at Prince Manor, and I have the house to myself. Picking up speed as I notice Lily shiver, we finally make it to Spinner's End. I open the door and signal for Lily to enter first. This is going to be one of the most awkward nights of my life, I realize.

But as I step into the house, I think of how this is certainly the best Christmas Eve ever...

* * *

_**CHAPTER SNEAK PEAK:**_

_"You can sleep in my bed, tonight. And wear this." I say, trying not to sound overly embarrassed. Even in the dim light, I can see an unusual blush crawl onto her cheeks as she grabs my skivvy._

_"Are you sure? Where are you going to sleep?" She asks._

_**Authors Note: I am so sorry it has taken so long to update! I really wanted to get this chapter right, so I took my time with it. I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. **_

_**I really appreciate all reviews; they make me work faster by a TON. Please, if you have questions/comments or anything, PLEASE REVIEW!**_

_**And also hope I haven't disappointed any of you with this chapter. There will be more to come, and the next chapter is on the way. **_

_**Love, **_

_**Missteque.**_


	13. The Miracle of Christmas Eve Part 2

**_BitterSweet: Chapter 12, Part Two:_**

**_Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence I own none of the characters etc. etc._**

**_Lily's POV:_**

* * *

"Lily! That freak of a friend of yours is here!" Petunia calls up the staircase, her voice clearly irritated. I feel my heart beat a bit faster and I quickly grab my beanie and run down the stairs, flinging open the door. Before me stands Severus; his long black hair flecked with snow, his cheeks slightly colored, and his deep black eyes staring at me.

"Hello." I greet.

"Hi." He replies, seeming calm. I turn around and tell my parents I am going out for the night then turn to see Severus waiting patiently. I jump to his side while putting my beanie on.

"Where to?" I ask.

"Uh…the playground." He replies in an unusual voice.

"Ok." I say, walking beside him to the playground. It is silent and I can't help but feel we've hit a crucial part in our relationship. But I just don't know anymore. On the one hand, he has been my best friend for years, but on the other, he has never been able to talk to me much. Not like all the others. I don't understand how it could be difficult to ever tell someone what you think, how you feel, or even talk about your own life. And then, of course, for the last few years I have been feeling (and acting) weird around him, and I can't figure out why. Unexpectedly, I am pulled from my thoughts as Severus grabs my arm and pulls me back.

"Could you please cover your eyes?" He asks.

"Nope!" I reply childishly; my mood has been like this all day – it must be because it's Christmas.

"Lily, if you don't do it, I will have to." He warns, as if it would repulse me. I smile mischievously.

"Fine. You do it."

He mutters something, and then wraps his hands around my eyes, walking behind me and guiding me with his body. With his hands still on my eyes, he sits me down on the swing.

"Ready, set, look." He says as he lifts his hands from my eyes. I just stare at the sight before me, unbelieving. Lights are wrapped around the tree trunks and through their leaves, in and out of the playground bars, and as I look at the swing set opposite, all over the swings. In the small patch of grass which we always talked as kids, is a red blanket which has a candle stick on the side and a rose. After a few moments of silence, I allow myself to speak.

"It is beautiful, Sev." I whisper in awe. He signals for us to sit down on the blanket, and I numbly follow him, sitting down opposite him and taking in the scene around us. He looks into my eyes and I smile at him.

"This is amazing Sev. The lights are so beautiful." I comment. He looks away.

"Your house looks great." He replies and I can't help but get the feeling he is trying to avoid something. Severus wouldn't ever say something so petty.

"It's so plain and simple compared to all the rest." I reply, my eyes looking at my folded hands, waiting for him to talk.

"It's the best I've seen." He mumbles. The silence grows, and I feel my head pound with the meaning of it all. What could he mean by this?

"Lily, there is something I have to tell you." He says, clearing his throat slightly.

"Yes?" I breathe, biting my lip. I look into his eyes, and I see an inner battle with himself raging.

Then he says the one thing I never thought I would hear him say.

"I love you." He says, his voice deep and husky. "Of course, I know you don't like me. I understand. I just thought you should know."

I stare at him, as I realize what he has just said. He loves me. As I think it over in my head, I feel something deep within me unlock.

"You love me?" I ask incredulously. He closes his eyes, as if to shield himself from something.

"Always." He whispers. I gasp quietly, and he slowly opens his eyes. Unable to hold myself back anymore, I lean in and pull his head towards mine, and I force my lips upon his. After a second of no reaction, Severus' lips move against mine, in unison. Finally breaking away, panting, I hug him.

"I love you too." I whisper into his chest with realization.

_3rd POV:_

_But little did they know that they were being watched…_

_Lily POV:_

For what could have been hours, we cuddle as the snow falls around us. I think about how I always wanted to hear Severus say those words, and how I used to cry myself to sleep as I thought he never would. Naturally, I never admitted it consciously, but I guess I always knew.

"May I ask what is so funny, Miss Evans?" He asks formally. I giggle more.

"I have waited so long for you to tell me." I say simply, pecking his lips.

He chuckles to himself.

After some time, he stands up and pulls me to my feet. We start walking to my house, and I grab his hand, holding it as we walk. I think of what this all means, and how I always wondered why I wanted him to tell me he loved me – I was too naïve to realize I loved him. I smile happily to myself with satisfaction.

Severus walks me right up to the doorstep, then stands there idly, looking a little lost. He gives me a brief hug and I reach up on my tippy-toes and kiss him on the cheek, and with surprise at the amount of affection, I run inside, feeling embarrassed. It's Christmas Eve, I reason with myself.

As I lean against the door, I touch my cheeks to feel them blazing hot. I laugh at myself and pull my beanie off, leaving it on the corridor bench. Walking into the living room, I see my parents and Petunia all staring at me. I feel the blood drain out of my face as I wonder what could have happened for my parents to have such a look. Petunia's frown turns into a grin, and she turns to me with an evil glint in her eye.

"How could you Lily? We thought we brought you up as a responsible young lady and you go ahead and practice immoral acts on Severus. I thought I taught you – both of you – better then that!" My father says, breaking the silence. I gasp in realization of what they are talking about.  
"Dad! It's not at all what it seems –"

"Oh don't give us that missy! I have heard exactly what has happened! Petunia saw what happened." Mum interrupts. At this, Petunia's grin broadens.

"I saw you with that filthy, ugly freak Snape. I saw you kiss him, and lie him down on the blanket. I saw you two do…do …_it._" she whispers. I feel my cheeks burn with anger.

"YOU LIAR!" I yell, anguished. Mum and Dad give me a disapproving look and then turn to Petunia.

"Are you lying?" Dad asks Petunia, giving her a stern stare. Petunia loses grip of control of the situation, and quickly tries to get herself out of the situation...without being grounded.

"M-maybe a little. But I did see that Snape boy and Lily sucking each other's faces off!" She says protectively. Mum sighs and rolls her eyes and Dad turns to me.

"What happened, Lily?" Dad asks me.

"I gave Severus a Christmas Eve's kiss." I reply, blushing. I see my parent's rigid postures relax a little at my words.

"Well, if that is the case…and it wasn't anything more… then I guess that is ok…" my overprotective father replies, signaling for me to sit down with them on the couch. Sitting down in my own seat, I sit facing my parents and Petunia, and turn my attention to the noiseless TV. How could my parents ever think I am so irresponsible like that? Why would Petunia lie? And what will I tell them about Severus?

"Slag." Petunia coughs into her hand. My anger flares up again and I stand up, raging.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!" I yell at her, tears stinging my eyes.

"Oh come on, Lily. Everyone knows that you would do anything to get into anyone's pants. Everyone knows your desperate; if you weren't you wouldn't be going out with that freak!" Petunia replies, jumping up from her seat, smiling maliciously.

"I AM NOT A SLAG! AND SEVERUS ISN'T A FREAK! TAKE IT BACK!" I yell, tears running down my face, the words hurting more then they should. My parents stand up and face me.

"Now, Lily…" they begin, attempting to make peace.

"I am going out. Don't expect me back for tomorrow." I say through gritted teeth, walking towards the door.

"Where are you going to stay?" Mum asks a little worriedly.

"Anywhere but here!" I yell back, walking out the door and running as fast as I can. The further I get away from the house, the more guilty and angrier I feel. I see Severus' figure walking towards Spinner's End, and I run to catch up. A few metres away, he turns around with his wand in his hand, and unable to hold up the emotions of the whole day, I let the tears fall freely. Through the tears, I see him stare at me helplessly, and I reach for him and he hugs me tightly, comforting me.

"What's wrong Lily?" He asks, after I gain control again. The snow around us began to fall harder, and my teeth teeth start to chatter.

"It-it's Petunia sh-she saw us to-together. Sh-she said h-horible s-stuff and I r-ran away. N-ow I h-have no where to s-stay and it is Christmas Eve!" I say, exasperated as the tears began to fall again.

"Do you want to stay at my house?" He asks.

"A-are you s-sure?" I ask hesitantly, looking at him in the eyes, wondering whether he meant it.

"Uh…yeah." He says. Without thinking about why I shouldn't, I begin to follow him and he grabs my hand, and starts walking back to Spinners' End.

As I look at our clasped hands, I realize that Christmas has its own miracles…even if they come at a price.

* * *

**_Ok. So there's that. I really, really, really, really extroadinarily hope I haven't disappointed any of you, and if I have, please tell me where I have gone wrong. Also, please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes. I have spent forever trying to edit, and I hope I didn't let anything slip through._**

**_Things will start getting a bit of normality when they go back to Hogwarts._**

**_As I mentioned before, PLEASE read and review. I don't care whether they are questions or comments, I will reply to all. _**

**_And sorry again it's taken so long! _**

**_AND the sneak peak is for chapter 13 in case that confused anyone! Sorry..._**

**_Lots of Love,_**

**_Missteque._**


	14. Christmas Hope

**BitterSweet Chapter 13:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence I own none of the characters etc etc..**

**Severus Point Of View:**

"Did you forget to lock the door?" Lily asks, as she walks through the doorway.

"No. Why?" I ask, confused, stepping into the hallway. I switch a single lone light that slowly flickers on and close the door behind me.

"You don't lock the house when you leave…?" She inquires, slowly venturing down the hall.

"I don't see much point…there isn't much to steal…" I mumble, sure that she heard me. I walk past Lily and into the kitchen, turning the second light on. I look around to see Lily standing in the hallway, staring at me. I immediately start to become very self-conscious of the house and its ugly state…it must be terribly degrading for her to see.

"I know it's not much, but I don't normally spend my time here. I'm sorry there isn't much I can offer you." I say, trying to explain the situation. Lily rolls her eyes at me.

"It's fine. A bit dark, but it must have an amazing history. Thank you for letting me stay the night. Will your parents be ok with it?" Lily asked sincerely, looking around expecting to see my parents. I grimace at the thought of what they would say if they were here, but I quickly smooth my face over before Lily sees.

"My parent's don't care. Besides, they aren't here - they're at Prince Manor." I reply. As I look at her face, the bags under her eyes become more obvious and her teeth are still chattering with the cold.

"Would you like to go to sleep?" I ask, feeling the embarrassment creep up on me at the unusual situation. Lily looks at me sheepishly.

"Yes please." She answers, rubbing her eyes. I quickly think of where she could sleep and only come up with 3 choices: my parents' bed, the couch or my bed. My parents' bed is a no-go zone; not even they go up there. The couch stinks of Tobias' sweat and ale…which leaves the only option of my bed.

"Right." I say, clearing my throat and striding out of the room, not bothering to check whether she is following. As I walk up the stairs I thank Merlin for the fact that I cleaned my room earlier. I hear Lily following quietly behind me and when I reach my room I spin around to face Lily.

"Do you also need something more appropriate to wear?" I ask, my voice sounding a bit strained.

"Yes please." Lily breathes. Without another word, I stride into my room and scan the few pieces of clothing I own. Feeling extremely embarrassed, I quickly glance over at Lily to see her looking away, then strip off my skivvy. Setting it aside for Lily to wear, I use the last of my 10 spells and transform my school robe into another skivvy.

"Come in." I call out to Lily. As she steps slowly into the room I hand her my green skivvy. "You can sleep in my bed, tonight. And wear this." I say, trying not to sound harsh. Even in the dim light, I can see an unusual blush crawl onto her cheeks ask she grabs my skivvy.

"Are you sure? Where are you going to sleep?" She asks. I start shifting from foot to foot.

"I have somewhere to sleep, don't worry." I lie. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok Sev, as long as you're sure you have somewhere to sleep…" she yawns, looking longingly at the bed. With a nod of my head, I exit the room and go down stairs to the kitchen, letting her get to sleep. I get out the tin of coffee and begin to brew myself a cup as I sit down on a kitchen chair. I start thinking of Malfoy's letter and begin to get paranoid at every sound, scared someone would try to come and hurt her. Eventually, after a couple cups of coffee, I walk into the lounge room grabbing a spare blanket and lie down on the floor; after all it's better then that blasted couch. As I lay down, I hope that I will be able to get back up before Lily finds me here. It doesn't take long for me to drift off to sleep, but almost immediately nightmares appear instead of dreams.

-- -- -- -- -- --

"You have gone your way, and I have gone mine." Lily declares, standing outside the Gryffindor Common room. She turns and exits through the portrait hole, leaving me hurt and forever scarred.

The scene shifts and I appear again, but sitting down and reading the Daily Prophet. The paper announces the Wizarding World's most beloved heroes – Lily and James Potter- are expecting a son. I throw the paper down, and knock a coffee cup off the table, watching as it shatters into oblivion, like my heart.

The scene shifts again and I stand outside the Potter household as I hear Lily scream for her life as Voldemort murders her. Despite being in the dream, I scream out, helplessly: 'DON'T KILL HER!', but all I can hear is the cruel laughter of Voldemort get louder, until he whispers in my ear.

"You will never get a moments peace. Lily Evans will leave you, or be killed. You are a worthless scum, and you will die for your mistake…"  
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"NO!" I scream, waking up, panting. I sit up slowly and bury my head into my hands, wondering what on earth I've done. In the distance I hear small steps walk across the floor, and I look down to see the cover from my bed covering me. Grunting in embarrassment and frustration I lie back down as I realize Lily would have heard me call out. As if I needed her to see how vulnerable and stupid I am.

Deciding its best I move on, I get up from the ground and walk to the bathroom, to make myself somewhat presentable. I attempt to straighten myself up and groom my hair with my hands, but discovering it useless, I walk upstairs to find Lily. As I peek through the door, I see Lily looking out my window, holding herself lightly. I knock on the door, alerting her of my presence. She turns around and gives me a sleepy smile.

"Morning." She greets. I don't reply but look at her standing there, with my skivvy on, and despite her messy hair, she takes my breath away. She coughs a little and I realize what an idiot I must look like, staring at her.

"Would like some coffee?" I offer, understanding she might want something.

"Sure." She smiles, following me downstairs into the kitchen. As I boil the kettle and prepare the cups, Lily sits down at the table taking in all of her surroundings. I set a cup of coffee in front of her and take a sip of mine, neither of us making conversation. I stare around, purposefully avoiding her eyes, which I know are now trying to grab the attention of mine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks, dropping all façades.

"No." I snap, my eyes finding hers. She sits back a little, and she starts to frown.

"Considering its Christmas, I am not going to force you right now, but you will tell me later." She says stubbornly. I groan slightly. She is about to say something else but is stopped by a light tap on the window. I grasp my wand, but upon seeing Lily's owl, relax and open the window to bring her in.

"Rosemary!" She squeals, running over to her owl in excitement. I smile slightly to see her so happy. "I wonder who it could be!" She gushes.

I sit down, and watch Lily come over to the table and take apart her letters.

She opens the first one.

_"Dear Lily,_

_Merry Christmas!_

_Did you finally get your first snog? I hope it wasn't James…but then again…_

_Anyways, have a great day!_

_Mary McDonald."_

Lily reads, blushing furiously. I sit back in my chair, thinking about how I was her first kiss-

"Can't that toerag ever leave me alone!?" Lily yells exasperated, interrupting my thoughts. I look at her in amusement, until I see the seal of the letter. Potter.

"Just read it." I say, trying to appear un-phased. She looks at me warily, knowing my utter hatred for the boy, but opens it anyway.

_"Hey Lily,_

_Wondering if you wanted to catch up for Christmas? I know you were kidding about Snape coming over to yours!_

_If you want, we can catch up at this cool little place I know downtown, and you can bring a few friends if you want. Or it can be just us. I don't mind._

_Looking forward to seeing you,_

_James Potter."_

I watch as Lily's cheeks flush, and I clench my fists together.  
"Are you going to go?" I ask, closing my eyes.

"Why would I go?" She replies, bewildered. I open my eyes.

"Why wouldn't you go!?" I retort, my anger getting the better of me.

"Because I prefer to spend my time with you. Besides, I meant what I said at school. You're coming to my house for Christmas." She replies readily, determined.

Despite myself, I chuckle.

"Do you really think you're family is going to want me there for Christmas? I don't."

"Well, they do. I know they do. Stop being such a baby and suck it up my little Prince. You're coming with me for Christmas. Now, I'm going to go get ready, and I suggest you do the same." She demands, her hands on her hips.

"But I can't get ready, because you're going to be in my room…" I say, a smirk playing on the corners of my mouth.

"You know what I mean!" She says, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, Ma'am!" I yell, sitting up straighter and saluting. She just pokes her tongue at me, picks up Rosemarie and walks upstairs and into my room. I get up quickly and run into the bathroom, getting myself ready. I can't help but smile as I think about what has just happened. She completely changed my moods within minutes; a feat not even I can manage.

"Sev, can you hurry and get out of the bathroom? I need to get ready and-" I open the door instantly only for Lily (who had obviously been leaning against the door) to grab me, in an attempt to stop herself from falling down. I look down into her eyes and for a sweet moment, our gazes remain locked and neither of us move. Then suddenly, she leans towards my face and kisses me lightly, before running into the bathroom and slamming the door, giggling.

"Thanks Sev!" She calls from the bathroom. I shake my head, delighted, and walk off into my bedroom to grab my jacket.

By the time Lily and I are both ready, it is already 10 o'clock in the morning. Standing in front of the door, ready to leave, I excuse myself and quickly run upstairs, emptying my money-pouch for all my muggle money then running back downstairs. Lily just looks at me curiously but remains quiet and exits the house. As we walk to her house, we talk – well mainly Lily talks- about Christmas.

"I have always loved Christmas; it's always been my favourite day. The wondrous feasts, amazing decorations. But best of all, its best when you spend it with those you love." Lily declares, quickly glancing over to me, then away. But before I can say anything (or cough), Lily starts squealing.

"Oh my, they put up the sign! I thought they wouldn't do it this year because we're older, but they did!" She squeals, grabbing my hand and racing towards her house. She only stops when she is mere centimeters from the peculiar sign which is planted in their garden that says:

'Santa!

Don't forget to fill LILY AND PETUNIA 's Christmas Stockings tonight!'

But before I can even ask who this blasted Santa is, Lily rushes through the door, forgetting the previous day's events, dragging me with her.

"Merry Christmas Mum! Merry Christmas Dad!" She greets, running into the lounge room and leaving me in the doorway.

"Merry Christmas, Lily." They reply in unison, their voices relieved.

"I have somebody to join us for Christmas, but our guest seems to think he's not welcome…" Lily states inappropriately.

"Everybody is welcome in this house." Her mother replies. Without warning, Lily exits the lounge room, grabs my arm and drags me in.

"You didn't have to say that." I whisper to her.

"Shush. It's Christmas." She excuses. I turn to face Mr and Mrs Evans who are both staring at me…intently.

"Merry Christmas. Mr. and Mrs. Evans." I greet politely, hoping nothing about last night was told to them. But what happened next surprised me. Mrs. Evans got up from the couch and embraced me.

"Merry Christmas, Severus. And please, call me Diane." Mrs. Evans says, pulling back and looking at me.

"And you can call me Victor, son." Mr. Evans reminds me again, patting me on the back. I start to cringe slightly from the open affection, but Lily saves the day.

"Now, I am sure you're all full of questions, but I'll settle them over dinner. Now, where's Tuney?" Lily inquires.

"I'm here." Petunia replies in that snotty-nosed voice, standing at the doorway of the lounge room with her arms folded across her chest. Both of the girls stand there staring at each other, and nobody moves. Feeling the tension rising rapidly between the girls, I decide to leave.

"I will wish you all the best day – I'm off." I announce, aware of my muggle coins sitting in my jacket pocket. Diane nods.

"I'll take you to the door." She says, despite the fact I am perfectly capable of leading myself out. I look at Lily but notice she is to busy giving Petunia evil facial expressions so I just walk with Diane to the door.

"Severus, will you come back for the dinner feast?" Diane asks me, once out of earshot.

"Uh…"

"Please, you are always welcome here. It would be a joy to have you here today." She insists, and of course, I did the worst thing possible. I looked into her eyes, which are the same as Lily's, and found myself giving in.

"Sure." I say. I turn around and reach for the doorknob, but turn back around to face Diane.

"And I was wondering, are there any shops open today?" I say.

"Yes, but not many. Their just down the street." Diane says.

"And…uh…what is Lily's favourite gemstone by chance?" I ask in an undertone to avoid being overheard. Diane smiles.

"Ruby." She replies, before walking off back into the lounge room.

As I walk away from the house I try to remember which direction the sops were. Taking a guess, I continue to walk until I find a string of shops. It seems to take forever; walking in and out of boring shops (most of which are closed), until finally I find what I am looking for.

"Looking for anything in particular sir?" A man behind the desk asks as I near the display.

"Yes, that necklace there…how much is it?"

"£ 270 pound, Sir." He replies, eyeing me warily. I wonder distantly how many coins that means.

"I'll take it." I decide.

"Would you like it gift wrapped?" He asks.

"Yes please." I reply.

He takes the necklace off its stand, puts it in a box and wraps it lavishly. He puts the box in front of me and waits expectantly. I realize he wants money.

"I hope this is enough." I say, emptying my pockets of muggle money. I see his eyes bulge a little as he counts the money, and then he hands me back a few notes and coins.  
"Thank you sir. Have a Merry Christmas." He says, albeit more heartedly.

Satisfied with my accomplishment, I walk back to Lily's. When I arrive I knock on the door and Lily opens it, smiling.  
"Come in, come in." She ushers. I walk inside and take my jacket off, hiding the present inside it.

"Just in time, Severus!" Victor calls from the dining room. Lily leads me to the room and the first thing I notice is the extraordinary food; turkey, salads and vegetables all decorated and perfectly set out. The Evans family are all neatly seated around the table and I notice the vacant space left for me. As I sit down, Diane leans across the table, filling up my plate with food.

"Hope you excuse our laziness this year! We normally have amazing amounts of food…" Diane frets as I eat my first mouthful.

"This is the best meal I've ever had!" I declare, surprised at my own optimism. Diane chuckles in appreciation and for a few minutes, the only sound to be heard is that of cutlery against plates.

"So, Severus, what do you normally do for Christmas evening?" Victor asks politely, making conversation.

"Erm…I normally stay at Hogwarts…" I reply, continuing to eat. Petunia coughs slightly at my words but I ignore it.

"Very good. So where are your parents tonight?" he asks.

"Dad…" Lily says, trying to hush her father.

"They are staying with other family for tonight." I say, my voice a little strained. Diane covers my hand with her own and I look into her surprisingly sympathetic eyes.

"So you know Severus, you are always welcome here. Always." She says sincerely, for the second time today. She then withdraws her hand and continues eating, and I just stare at her. She continues her day as if what she just said is normal; to me, those words mean so much. Despite the fact it's embarrassing. I shake off my thoughts and continue eating, allowing myself to enjoy the food.

Once everybody finishes dinner, Diane, Victor, Lily and Petunia grab their plates and empty them in the kitchen. I follow their lead, balancing my plate and cutlery on one hand while carrying an extra dish in the other. I set them down on the kitchen sink and watch as Victor, Lily and Petunia leave the room with arms linked, and in an almost-trance. It's as if their all under some sort of magic spell…ha.

"Do you need help, Diane?" I ask. She grabs a tea towel and wipes down the bench before turning to me.

"No thank you dear, I'll do them later. Now its time to open all of the Christmas presents!" She says, pushing me into the lounge room. I walk over and sit by Lily, who is excitedly eying the Christmas tree which is now in full view.

"Glad to not have heard a smash; I was convinced Snape was going to drop that plate. Always taking risks…" Petunia comments aloud, not to any one in particular. I look at her and frown, but Lily puts her hand atop of mine and I turn my attention (gladly) to her.

"Isn't this exciting?" She whispers to me, practically bouncing in her chair. Unable to reply (for the whole Christmas thing is unusual and different to me) I am grateful when Victor hands Lily a present, which receives her undivided attention.

"Thank you dad." She says, hugging her father's torso. He smiles and walks away, giving the other present in his hands to a moody Petunia who happened to still be glaring at me.

It was then that it really dawned on me what her problem was. I was intruding on their family Christmas. As soon as I realize it, I start to become increasingly uncomfortable and irritated with myself.

"I think my parents will be home by now - I should go." I lie suddenly, desperate to leave the family to enjoy the night. Diane starts to frown and Victor looks purposefully at Petunia, but nobody says anything in an attempt to stop me.

"Thank you all for the lovely dinner, and Merry Christmas." I say as I stand up, Lily standing up as well.

"That's ok Severus. Come back soon." Victor says, still staring at Petunia whose eyes are now downcast.

Lily and I walk to the door and I put my jacket on. I open the door and take a step outside before turning around back to Lily.

"Here. I got this for you – I hope you like it." I say, thrusting the present into her hands. She looks at me in shock then slowly unwraps it and gasps.

"It's beautiful Sev! I love it!" She says excitedly, taking the golden heart necklace out of the box and holding it between her fingers.

"I'm glad you like it." I say, blushing slightly. I'm hopeless. I start shifting from foot to foot as a fresh breeze of snowy wind hits my back.

"Will you put it on me?" She asks, looking at me through her luscious eyelashes. I let out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding in.

"Sure." I say my voice deep and rough. I take the necklace and wait until she turns her back on me and holds onto her hair. I place the necklace gently around her neck and close the clasp at the back. She turns back around to me and looks down at the necklace.

"I didn't get you anything!" She exclaims suddenly, looking at me. "I am so sorry!" She says as she steps forward and hugs me. I wrap my arms around her naturally.

"You have given me enough." I whisper to her, knowing she heard me. She leans up and kisses me on the cheek then resumes her hugging, leaving the house door open.

"You know you shouldn't have." She mumbles into my chest.

"It's Christmas." I reply simply, kissing the top of her head. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sev." She says, smiling at me as she pulls back from me.

"Go on, enjoy your night." I tease, seeing her eyeing the Christmas tree through the window. She pokes her tongue at me playfully.

"I will. See you tomorrow Sev." She says, closing the door. I chuckle as I walk back to Spinners' End, amazed that my life has turned out the way it has.

Finally lying in bed, I let my thoughts consume me, and I realize that Christmas is a big part of the Evans' lives; it creates an unbelievable magical feeling that makes everybody happy. And that is why, I believe, Lily was so happy and extremely excited today…and why she loves Christmas so much…

* * *

_**I am so sorry it took so long to update. I have to admit, I've been quite disappointed about that. I will try and commit myself to writing faster. Please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes. Again, I have spent forever to try and correct it, but I am not perfect! (Unfortunatly!)**_

**_-Update-_**

**_One of my wonderful reviewers mentioned that I had three different names for Lily's dad. I can't believe I did that! I tried to pick the right name (with out knowing I picked one) and then changed it again. Editing my mistake, I figured I prefer Victor as the father's name._**

**_--_**

_**I am wondering as readers whether you guys think I am losing my touch writing this story? I am so unsure at the moment. **_

_**I LOVE all of your reviews, and please ask any questions, and please feel free to read and review! They mean alot!**_

_**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I promise that Sev will get some sort of normality once their both back at Hogwarts.**_

_**Wishing you all the very best Christmas,**_

_**(Don't forget to R&R :P)**_

_**Love Angela (Missteque).**_


	15. Harsh Reality

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 15:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence I own none of the characters etc. etc.**_

_**Severus Snape's POV:**_

A sudden crack wakes me and I suddenly rise from bed.

"Master Prince, Mercury has come to bring you to the Manor on Madam Prince's orders." The intruding house elf announces.

"Where are my parents?" I reply, rubbing my eyes.

"They are going to arrive at Spinner's End once I bring you to the Manor, Sir." Mercury replies. I swing my legs off the bed and walk over to my wardrobe to grab my robes.  
"Can you wait just a minute?" I ask the elf, grabbing a piece of parchment while changing.

"Certainly, Sir." Mercury replies. I give a short whistle and open my window. I quickly scribble a note explaining my absence. Henners' flies in through the window and I tie it around his foot, sending him to deliver the message to Lily. As soon as I get changed, I grab the elf's arm, knowing that Grandma likes punctuality. We apparate into the formal parlor where I had first met my grandparents and I see a glimpse of my parents just before they apparate.

"Severus! Come quickly, lots to be said but I am now too short of time." Grandma half greeted and half stated as she came fluttering towards me. Without a word I follow her into the fireplace and into our secret room where two luxurious couches await.

"Sit." Grandma invites. I sit down and watch Grandma as she paces the room, her usually neat hair a mess and her robes askew.

"What's wrong?" I ask bluntly. She stops in her tracks, looks at me then continues to pace, unanswering. Finally she turns to me.

"Let's quickly revise everything we've done over the holidays. Occlumency, Legilimency and general battle." She says, pointing her wand at me. I nod my approval, getting my wand.

"Legilimens!" She casts. I feel the pressure build up in my head; the force trying to penetrate my mind. Feeling the pressure getting harder, I push against it and slowly the pressure lifts until I break through. I immediately enter into her prominent thoughts and memories.

"Perhaps another dose of Crucio would help you to remember who you're training?" A cold, shrill voice asks. "Do not think I do not know. I know everything, and am aware of the strength in the boy. But no matter, no matter. Your precious grandson will be taken care of soon, the foolish boy. If you were smart Henrietta, I wouldn't waste my time on that half-blood for you will go down with him. I know you are training him against me. Don't bother." Voldemort warns as he casts another spell at Grandma, who screams in pain.

Falling to the ground, I break the connection.

"Grandma, what was that?" I ask, my voice worried. She slumps down onto a chair and looks at me in the eye.

"The Dark Lord knows I am helping you and he has given me a task I am afraid I cannot do. I am afraid I will not be around much longer – that is why this time is precious." She explains matter-of-factly, as if her death means nothing. I sit quietly in my chair, trying to absorb the information. I can't believe that Grandma has been threatened, and that she will give into the threats. Not her. I will not let the only remaining family who loves me, die.

"I will not let you die." I swear, looking at Grandma.

"You naïve boy!" She snaps, her eyes glazing over. Her face changes slowly from anger to despair and sadness.

"My dear, dear boy. You can not prevent my death any more then you can the sun from setting. Nor do I want you to." She whispers, taking my hand shakily. "My death is a necessary part of your future." She says, seeing me about to protest.

"But I can save you!" I yell in anguish and hurt. I feel a lump in my throat rise as I see her face clearly, which is full of tears.

"My Severus, you have saved me. You have saved me from a path of destruction and despair." She whispers gently.

"Why, why did you help him?" I ask, closing my eyes. Despite everything, she chuckles.

"I'm a Slytherin my boy. And a Prince. I could not resist the temptation of gaining rewards."

"What rewards did you gain?" I ask curiously, opening my eyes.

"Oh, nothing really. We gave money and he gave us status, and the ability to do whatever we want, granted it did not disturb him." She replies. She takes a deep breath as if to draw in strength.

"Now, no need to grieve for something which has not yet happened. We only have a few short hours, so we will revise a bit more, and let's chuck in a bit of the Dark Arts, eh? I think there are a few tricks I must teach you before we depart. But, I can't help but feel you know them already…" She encourages, standing up and levitating the chairs to the corners of the room.

For hours we practiced and tested my magic skills until I was at the point of teaching her.  
"Very good." Grandma congratulated, lowering her wand. "You will be a fine match." She whispered under her breath.

"Match for whom?" I ask, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I watch as Grandma's face changes and it is obvious she is trying to hide something.

"Don't hide it, tell me." I plead.

"I wouldn't bother hiding anything from you; you are too good a Legilimens!" She retorted proudly.

"Well…?" I inquire. She slowly levitates the chairs back into the middle of the room then sits down, resting her head on her hand.

"Lily." She says. I feel my neck grow hot under my robes at the conversation I know will follow, but still sensing that she is hiding something. "So tell me, how did you go with my granddaughter in law?" She asks smugly. All previous thoughts disappear as I focus on avoiding the question.

"We are not married and are unlikely to ever be." I cough. She resigns and stares at me as if it would force me to tell her  
"Severus, give me a peace of mind. I don't want all my efforts to have gone useless now." She says. I breathe deeply and close my eyes to any reaction she may have.  
"She claims she loves me, and I spent Christmas at her family's." I say. To my surprise though, Grandma chuckles, the sound snapping my eyes open.

"You know, it's not bad to feel emotions. You and your father have that in common – both try to block feelings out." She comments slyly. "Now, Severus, you must promise to take care of yourself, and to keep the Prince family line going." She says seriously. I nearly scoff at the comment - talking about me being a future father is absolutely ridiculous and impossible – but I notice that she is serious.

"Uh..I-I'll try, but I don't know whether…" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"I don't want to hear any negativity from you!" She snaps harshly and my face withdraws into a stone mask. Grandma's face softens and she grabs my hand.

"I am sorry dear. I am very proud of you. You are an extremely accomplished Legilimens and Occlumens. You know how to act in difficult situations, you think quickly. Not to mention your crafty ways with the wand and ability to create your own spells…you can create potions and are the most knowledgeable person of the Dark Arts… and of course you're a parslemouth..." Grandma praises. I feel myself immediately reject the compliments but chide myself and remember a question which has been haunting me.

"Why am I a parslemouth?" I ask, albeit worried. All known parslemouths have been named as some of the evilest people in the world, possessing inhumane natures.

"Mmm…" Grandma ponders, letting go of my hand and relaxing into the chair. "I believe that is something which you are too young – and innocent- to have knowledge of. I will, when the time is right, give you a book which will it explain it all. But for now, let me just say that it is a genetic issue and that speaking parsletongue will be a key to your future. Now don't you want to ask me how I went with your parents?" Grandma asks, trying to change the subject. With no encouragement from me, (for I was to busy thinking of what she meant), she continues.

"It went quite well. I have missed your mother's company an awful lot. Mind you, she seems much more willing to please us then normal." She comments, as if talking to herself.

"How did Xavier cope with my father?" I ask curiously. She opens her mouth and closes it, then opens it again but I intervene. "Grandma, how do you control Xavier?" She sighs, mumbling something along the lines of "if I don't say it now I never will".

"Remember how I told you when we first met that Xavier and I were never against your mother marrying a muggle? And that Grindlewald put Xavier under the Imperius curse which even when removed, damaged him?" She asks. I nod, trying to work out where she is going with the story. "Well, that was only half true." She ways, waiting for my reaction. I start frowning and crossing my arms, not happy with her lying to me.

"Let me explain." She reasons, taking in a deep breath. "Your grandfather and I were not always muggle-haters, but we were easily influenced by Grindlewald and followed his directions exactly as if we were, indeed, under the Imperious curse. Grindlewald's hate for all muggle-borns was well known, and we adapted that view, Xavier more whole-heartedly then I did, for I had no personal prejudice against the people. This, of course, happened before your mother met your father. Anyway, once Grindlewald was defeated, Xavier became obsessed with the fame and glory he had given us, so much so that we joined up to help Voldemort the moment he rose, without second thought. As I mentioned before, I have always had my own mind. I grew weary of the greed controlling our lives. I tried telling Xavier how blinded we were by it, but he wouldn't listen.

When I decided that I no longer wanted to support the Dark Lord, I was foolish enough to tell your grandfather. He protested and kicked up a big fight, threatening to turn me in to the Dark Lord. It is like his old self, the Xavier I married, has been wholly consumed by greed; his love for me drowned by it." She half-whispers, her face showing decades' worth of sadness. "It was from that day forward I knew I couldn't trust him again. Unable to let him run around telling everyone of my change of loyalties, I created a spell. It works similarly to the Imperius curse; however, I do not completely take over him."

"What do you mean?"

"I cannot order him to do stuff through the spell, or stop his feelings. Unlike the Imperious curse, I can only block out a limited number of thoughts, memories and in this case, knowledge, from Xavier, but his personality and self remains untouched. I can not control how he feels. For me, it was the only option. I couldn't use the Imperius curse, because it is too obvious." She explains. I look at her and agree with myself that she really more then what meets the eye – who would've known she takes control of her husband?

"What's the spell called?" I ask.

"Cholericamore." She says. I shift slightly in my seat, uncomfortable with the information.

"Why did he threaten you?" I ask. She sighs.

"You must understand, we are one of the most powerful families in the entire wizarding world. Being in allegiance with Dark Lord secured our hold on fame and glory. Xavier is a Slytherin, as am I. We didn't care for the random deaths of courageous people. We just paid the money. But, I got to a point where I felt guilty, and I couldn't take it anymore. He thought it was fine, and wanted to become a death eater, and we had a fight about it. As I mentioned before, I was stupid enough to tell him of my change." She says. I feel my eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"But aren't you guys still in allegiance with Voldemort? Why were you guys invited to the tea party if you're known as haters?" I blurt out.

"Well…we aren't exactly in allegiance…"

"What do you mean?"  
"We don't send money, but we didn't cut off our communications with them either. I convinced Xavier he is too old to be a death eater and that the Dark Lord has enough money, but he insists on helping anyway he can. And I had no other real way of helping the cause against Voldemort, so I just stayed silent. You have to understand how difficult that would make our situation if we ignored him; we would be in absolute danger because we possess knowledge which could bring the Dark Lord down…we would have been killed…"

"And so now you will be killed anyway?!" I shout in anger, fed up.

"Severus, please. Don't make this harder then it already is. You have a life ahead of you full of purpose and meaning, and I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I am so proud you aren't going to be a death-eater." She says, taking my hand into hers. I sigh, and nod my head in final understanding. She lifts herself from the chair and retrieves some milk and cookies which appeared, but I don't feel like I can eat much.

"Severus." She says, turning to me after taking a cookie from Mercury. "Lily is a muggle-born, is she not?"

"Yes, she is a muggle-born. Is there an issue with that?" I ask, remembering her mentioning upon our first meeting that she knew that Lily was a muggle-born.

"No, no issue for me. But for you're mother, it might be."

"What do you mean?" I ask, cocking my head slightly to the side.

"When she was here, she expressed how she deeply regretted your friendship with that 'little muggle girl'. She believes you ought to marry a pureblood, or at the very least half-blood." She says. I choke on my milk.

"Since when did my marriage ever come into the picture?" I ask in a disgusted tone.

"You count yourself lucky that we didn't marry you off already!" Grandma says. "All I am trying to say is that your mother isn't too fond of Lily's blood status, and she'll give you a tough time about it. Mind you, I think it's a tad hypercritical, considering she married your father." She comments.

"I think that is the reason." I mumble, swallowing the rest of my milk.  
"Oh?" Inquires Grandma as she sits down.

"I believe she uh…believes muggles are like Tobias, harmful and disrespectful, and she doesn't want my life to turn out that way." I reply.

"Mmm…That does make sense." Grandma says, closing her eyes.

After a little while longer, Grandma announces that we must move on, and we both get up to leave through the fireplace, but Grandma grabs me.

"Severus, I know I have said it several times today, but I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are so unlike my other children, you have a heart. I know that you will always do well." She says, cupping my face with her hands before turning and walking through the purple flames. I stand there for what seems like minutes, feeling warm inside. She's proud of ME. For being ME.

Eventually I snap out of it and walk into the fireplace, jumping out in the parlor, nearly bumping into Xavier. I walk out and sit down on a plump chair, looking around the room. I shiver at the thought of how much money was spent on this house, and feel worse thinking about how much they gave to Voldemort.  
"Severus, when do you resume your education at Hogwarts?" Xavier asks, slouching over the fire, marveling at his wand.  
"In a few weeks, sir." I reply, not stuttering once.

"And what year will you be in?" He questions as Grandma sits down on a chair opposite me.

"My Sixth year, Sir."

"Interesting. In a year you will be of age…you would have joined the Dark Lord…we would have married you off…I believe it's time we add your portrait to our fireplace family tree, as a mark of good fortune to come." He muses, twirling his wand around in his hand. I sit there staring at him, not making a comment. Xavier stands up straight and faces me, his eyes still lifeless and cold as they were when I first saw them.

"When your Grandmother and I die" Xavier begins "it leaves you as our only male heir. Despite your disgusting blood status, your inheritance of our fortunes will cover up your status and make you one of the most powerful members of the Dark Lords recruitment." He says proudly, pausing as if to wait for me to praise Merlin himself for what he said next.

"And we will marry you off, and certainly not to any half-blood or freakin' mudblood…"

"What did you say?" I ask, my eyes snapping from looking at the thread of my robes to Xavier's eyes.  
"I said, you won't be marrying a freakin' M-U-D-B-L-O-O-D." He replies, spelling it out. I stand up, level with Xavier.

"Don't ever use that word." I spit.

"Ah. Touched a nerve have we? Would that happen to be because of a certain mudblood living near you?" He asks, amused. Without one word I brush past Xavier and lean down to kiss Grandma on the forehead.

"Be safe." I whisper, and she nods in response. I stand up straight and walk out of the room, with Xavier following behind me, shouting.  
"Don't you go do what your mother did, boy, or you will end up like her!" He yells as I walk down the marble stairs, ignoring him.

"Mercury!" I call, staring at the large black door and hearing Xavier's footsteps get closer. The house-elf appears just as Xavier closes in the distance between us.

"If you walk away from here, you will never set foot in this place again." He says, puffing at a mere metre behind me.  
"So be it." I say, about to take Mercury's arm.

"You won't ever touch the Prince fortune!" He yells, as if that sentence would make me beg for forgiveness. I turn around swiftly.  
"If getting your fortune means endlessly abusing people because of their blood and having to join the world's biggest criminal, I don't want any of it." I say, my voice clear and strong. I take one last look into his eyes and see deep sadness turn to amusement. Sick of his appalling nature, I grab Mercury's arm, whisper "Spinner's End" and apparate home.

We arrive at the front of the house and I watch wordlessly as the house elf disappears. I walk up the pathway and into the house, not sure I am yet ready to see any other people, for my head is spinning with all the information. The only comfort I get is the fact that I return to Hogwarts in a matter of days.

* * *

_Hello!_

_Again, so sorry it's taken me so long, but I DID post it! I am quite aware of how imperfect it is, and I will re-edit it soon, so please excuse any errors._

_I hope this chapter isn't too confusing, but I wanted Sev to get some clearer idea of Henrietta and who she really was. Honestly, I hadn't intended the chapter to turn out the way it is, but that's ok.  
I also have one question for my readers, (and try not to read into it too much), but, should I kill Xavier off, or not? _

_Thank you all for reading, and for all of my reviews :) They are lovely and heart-warming._

_I hope I haven't disappointed anyone with this chapter, but please feel free to review with questions/comments and I shall answer them promptly._

_Thanks a ton for everyone for your support :)_

_Lots of love,_

_Angela (Missteque)_

_(P.S. A big Happy Birthday for Severus for the 9th of Janurary xox)_

_(P.S.S, Sorry about the whole chapter mix up, computer a bit haywire at the moment, sorry for any convenience!)_


	16. Truth Hurts

**BitterSweet Chapter 16:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence own none of the characters etc..**

**Severus' Point of View:**

"Boy!" A voice yells, waking me up. I groan loudly as I recognize the voice. Honestly, there is no way I couldn't recognize it. Hoarse, slurrish speech is the only type of speech that is emitted out of Tobias.

"Get your skinny behind down here this instance!" He yells. Jumping out of bed, I walk down the stairs wondering what the hell he wants - he usually ignores me. The second I step downstairs he grabs me by the skivvy-neck and drags me into the kitchen.

"What is this!?" He yells into my ear, gesturing to the empty cups. I decide it best not to reply.

"I never gave you permission to drink my coffee, you spoilt ungrateful child!" He screams into my face, spitting everywhere. I start to feel the past 16 years' worth of anger and hurt begin to bubble up in me, the sense of power overwhelming. Still not answering, he holds me tighter and I begin to choke. His face millimeters away from mine, I can smell the alcohol in his breath. Anger consuming me, I free myself from his grasp and step away, grabbing my wand.

"How dare you-"He begins.

"SHUT UP!" I shout, getting angrier. He holds his hand up as if to hit me in response to my talk but I shove my wand into his full view. He stops in fear.

"Now, you listen to me. For years I have put up with you constantly being in a drunken stupor, being a disgrace to this family! I was always in hope that you would change, but here you stand off your face and telling me off for drinking YOUR BLOODY COFFEE when there was NOTHING in this house for me to eat! Do you expect me to starve!?" I yell, my hand shaking violently. Tobias just looks at me taken a-back, but quickly recovers.

"I have only ever been good to you and your mother, but you have always been a spoilt brat! Your mother hasn't ever treated me properly, and neither have you! I have always been patient and loving, and I just get put down because of it!" He shouts.

"Bullshit! For how long I wanted a tiny bit of encouragement from my father, some acknowledgment! You never allowed me to have a proper childhood! I have spent my whole life living in fear and hate because you couldn't bloody face the fact that you hit mum! Be a man!" I scream.

"How dare you talk to your father like that!" He shouts, staggering slightly as he takes a step towards me. I look deep into his bloodshot eyes for the first time in many years.  
"You are no father of mine." I spit, my voice low and menacing. He just looks at me blankly and un-registering as I walk out of the kitchen. I leap up the stairs, grab my jacket then leap back down. With wand still in hand, I walk to the front door only to see mum sitting in her wheelchair, blocking the path.

"I need time alone." I say, staring into her teary eyes. She nods in response and slightly moves her wheelchair, allowing me access to the door. I bend down and kiss her on her forehead and she closes her eyes in response, tears falling from her eyes. I walk out the door to feel a snowy breeze on my face and I start walking. Where am I walking to? No idea. And quite frankly, at this point I just don't care. As I walk, the snowy breeze bats against me as if to tell me to go back. I think about how unfair it all is: If my father had stayed sober at all, I would have been a different, better person. It would have made all the difference. We would have been a real family. And I wouldn't be who I am today – I would be happy with everything! Why couldn't my family turn out like Lily's?

Groaning and moaning, I sit down on a snow-covered stump in the middle of a clearing, not caring about the snow soaking my jacket, not knowing where I am. I look down at myself and see a single red strand of hair. Picking it off the skivvy, I easily identify it as Lily's. Lily. It still surprises me that she wants to be with me – I don't believe it. I can't help but feel that I am just a fling and that when we get back to Hogwarts she'll run off to Potter. That bastard. I have no mercy left for him, especially after the last prank he pulled. In fact, I have no mercy for anyone! Who, in this whole world, has ever not done me wrong? Grandma lied; mum never stood up for me….is everybody programmed to treat me like crap? I pick up a stone in rage and throw it as hard as I can into the distance and yell aloud because I can. I walk over to a mossy tree and kick it, then lean my back against it and slide down to sit. I start banging my head against the tree for what feels like months when I hear footsteps coming towards me. I close my eyes, hoping to be invisible.

"Sev?" I hear Lily call. I groan, not wanting her to see me like this. I hear her footsteps get closer until she is next to me.

"Oh Sev, what happened?" She asks, alarmed. She bends down and wraps her arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly. I open my eyes to see hers.

"Nothing." I lie.

"Sev, you can tell me." She says, her voice soft.

"No!" I snap, breaking away from her grasp and standing up. I walk over to the middle of the meadow, kicking snow into the air.

"You can't keep it in, its not healthy." She says. I walk over to the stump and sit down on it, with my head in hands. She walks over and bends down on the ground, looking into my eyes.

"You won't ever leave me, will you?" I whisper.

"I don't plan to, no." Lily says aloud, honestly. "Sev, please tell me what's wrong. Let me help you." She murmurs, running her fingers across my hair.

"NO." I say strongly. Her hand quickly withdraws from my hair and she stands up. I stand up too and I tower over her. She walks away, and then turns back to me after a few metres.  
"Why won't you tell me!? Aren't relationships meant to be based on honesty and trust!?" She shouts, getting angry. I stare at her in irritation, and she walks off with my lack of response.

"Why the hell should I tell you everything!" I shout at her, but she just ignores me and continues to walk away I kick the snow in anger. I feel like nothing can ever go right for me – I always make things worse.

As if I needed a reminder, my eyes glaze over as a caption of the prophecy flashes through my mind.

"Severus was right, you are a pretty girl." Voldemort considers, staring at an older Lily.

"Don't kill Harry!" She screams, holding the baby close to her.

"AVADA KADAVRA!" He utters. Lily falls, screaming in agony, before she dies.

I can't let her go.

"LILY!" I shout at the figure in the distance. I see her turn to me with her hands on her hips. I run up to her and hug her to me tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I whisper hurriedly, trying to get the prophecy out of my head. She wraps her arms around me.

"I'm sorry too." She says, oblivious to the thousands of meanings of my apology. I break away from the hug and grab her hand, walking her back to where we were.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just very hard for me to open up – I-I need you to understand that." I say, my voice pleading. I walk back over to the tree and sit at its trunk, my head bowed.

"I know. I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I guess I'm so used to – " She begins, but I cut her off.  
"Please, continue that sentence later. If I don't talk now, I don't think I ever will." I admit.  
"Go ahead." She replies, rubbing my back. I take in a shaky breath.

"Tobias got angry – no furious – at me for drinking 'his' coffee. After X number of years, I let the anger control me and I yelled and shouted at him." I whisper, disgusted with myself and Tobias.

"And?" She prompts, sensing more.

"And…and I told him that he was wrong to tell me off for drinking coffee when there is nothing else left in the house."

"Well, you are right you know." She says. I close my eyes and take another breath.

"I told him he is no father of mine." I whisper feebly. I feel tears threatening to overflow as I realize that I had always believed it.

"Oh, Sev." She whispers, taking me and holding me close to her. I stay motionless.  
"You know what though?" She asks in a slightly upbeat tone.  
"What?" I mumble, trying to break free from her grasp. It isn't manly to feel emotions or to show invulnerability.

"Now, don't get angry, but I thought that something, much, much more terrible had happened. You need to be more positive!" She says, relieved. "Now, how about we go by my place for some hot chocolate?" Lily asks, trying to lighten the mood. Unable to disappoint her I stand up and offer her a half smile, despite feeling like crap.

"Sounds great." I say, my voice fake.

"It's a plan then. Come on!" She says, grabbing my hand. We walk and walk and I surprise my self at how far I had wandered.

"How did you find me?" I ask curiously.

"I happened to see you stomping down the street but by the time I got outside you were out of sight. I ended up following your footprints in the snow." The Gryffindor responded, who like usual, never thinks about her safety.

The rest of the walk was quiet, the cold wind blowing over our faces, as I shiver. Eventually we reach her house and as we step in Lily takes off her jacket. I reach to take my jacket off when I fully realize that I am soaking wet and shivering to the bone. I must look utterly ridiculous and pitiful. Without a word I turn around and open the door to leave but Lily notices.  
"Where do you think you are going?" She asks in a high voice with her hands on her hips.  
"Lil, I am soaking wet and am ruining your carpet!" I whisper quickly so I do not attract any unwanted attention. I stiffen as another gust of icy wind blows in.

"How can you expect me to kick you out when you are shivering and will no doubt catch a cold!?" She raises her voice hence raising what I have come to know through out the years as the "Evans' Alarm". Inwardly groaning as Diane comes running into the hallway, she stops to see me with the door half open, shivering violently.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you get you're freezing behind into this house this instant young man!" Diane orders. I shut the door and glower at Lily for telling her mother my middle name. She just pokes her tongue at me just as Diane begins to talk.  
"Now come into the lounge so we can dry you by the fire." Diane insists, wiping her hands on her apron. I stand still.

"I prefer not to wreck your carpet." I reply. Without a word, Diane grabs me and drags me into the lounge (with help from Lily). She pulls out a couch and positions it next to the fire while Lily runs off to the kitchen.

"Sit." She demands. Defeated and tired, I sit down and un-admittedly feel my body relax and warm up as the fire's warmth reaches me. Diane grabs a blanket and covers me with it (much to my embarrassment yet liking), then leaves the lounge. I stare into the fire, losing myself in my thoughts until Lily returns.

"I hope you like marshmallows!" Lily says, handing me a delicious cup of hot chocolate as she sits down at my feet.  
"Thank you Lils." I say, snuggling into the chair. Lily sits beside me and as we sip our drinks, Petunia walks down the stairs, humming to herself quietly. As she passes the lounge room and notices me, the humming stops and she walks briskly down the hallway with a disgusted face.

"Sev, what would you like to do when you leave school?" Lily asks out of the blue, idly kicking her feet while warming her hands to the fire.  
"I'm not sure." I say, not having thought about the subject. "I'd imagine something like a Healer, or an Aurora. How about you?" I ask as I drink the remains of the hot chocolate.

"Oh, probably an Aurora. I can't imagine being anything else." Lily says as the clock chimes 5 o'clock.

"I better go." I say to Lily, getting up from the chair. I glance over at Lily to see her staring into the bottom of her cup.  
"Ok." She says, her voice muffled by the cup. Putting the cup down on a table and folding the blanket, I walk out to the door and grab my still-damp jacket, with Lily following closely behind.

"Please tell you're mum thanks for everything." I say. Lily nods. I walk out into the freezing night.

"Well…goodnight." I say, unsure of myself.

"Good night." She says, before clicking the door shut. I turn to face the street, which is covered in snow, and start the walk back to Spinners' End. I don't know what would prompt such a person to call a street Spinners' End…sounds like a spider's hovel. As a child I heard of lots of different names for the street, but majority of the names seemed to be reserved for my house, which happened to be at the end of the street, closest to the river. Spinners' End's End, it's known as, or stupidly enough and despite it being the street name, Spinners' End. The further down the street you go, the darker it gets, even though there are still the same number of street lamps. To anybody who passes by the street, my house is invisible. It is the only quality about the house that I love, but for once, all I want is some lovely suburban home with a father who makes money and comes home to kiss his wife and ruffle their child's hair…a normal home.

I sigh as I walk past the park, empty and barren, and know that it isn't too far away until I reach home. The only real reason why I AM going home is because I need to prepare for Hogwarts, otherwise I would just stay out in the park like I did as a child. I always feel uncomfortable at Lily's, like I am intruding or a burden.

I take the last few steps up to the doorway, and walk through the entrance sneakily. Ignoring the sounds from the lounge room I walk straight up to my bedroom and strip off my clothes to put on clean dry ones. As I lie down on the bed, I tryto take Lily's advice on thinking 'positive'. The most positive thing being, obviously, being Lily. I have never seen anything good in myself, but Lily...she can help me see something more. She gives me hope. It is then that I get a sudden epiphany. Considering everything, there is one thing I am sure of: I am Severus Tobias Snape, potion maker, spell creator and Dark Art's 'Professor', and that everything in the past has made me who I am; that everything happens for a reason.

* * *

_Hello All!_

_What's with Snape's mood swings? What's going to happen to his home life after talking to Tobias like that? ..._

_I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and that it wasn't too confusing! Please, if you have any questions or comments, PM me and I will reply promptly._

_I will update my other story, My Own, soon. _

_Please Read and Review as per usual, and have a great day everybody :D_

_Love Angela (Missteque)._


	17. Hate, Hogwarts and Horcruxes

_BitterSweet: Chapter 17._

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc, etc.**

**Severus Snape's POV:**

After the amazing Christmas, the rest of my days were mainly spent in solitude, although a few days were spent with Lily. Of the days I spent at home, I read. Mercury was frequently bringing me Dark Art books from the Prince collection, and as I sat in my little room with my door locked up to keep Tobias out, I read and studied as much as I could.

The concept of going back to Hogwarts was, for some reason, hard to comprehend. In all honesty I don't want to go back to a school where I am having to deal with death threats from the Slytherin loyalists, endure constant humiliation from those bloody toerags, having to be among dunderhead-teenagers, and worst of all, watching Potter chase after Lily. Ugh. School is a place for the immature, not those with half a brain.

Nonetheless, as I look across at Lily as she stares outside the window as the train passes through English terrain, I can't help but feel the excitement which consumed me as a kid. I will be able to practice magic whenever I want while at the same time I get fed stuff which can classify as 'food'. With that thought, I leap up from my seat; grab my robes and am about to leave the carriage.

"Where are you going?" Lily asks.

"To get changed into my robes – I can't bare to be in these muggle clothes any longer." I say as I pointedly tug at my oversized, holey jumper. Unexpectantly, the train suddenly stops, the lights flickering off. The action catches me unaware and flings me to the other side of the cabin.

"Lumos." I whisper, my wand lighting up. I see Lily staring at me, with her wand also in hand. I begin to head for the door again.

"Can't you just get changed in here?" Lily asks in a scared voice. My throat goes dry – had I heard wrong? Me get changed in front of Lily? Is she insane?

"I'll be quick. Besides, it was probably another one of Potter's pranks that stopped the train." I excuse, rushing out the door. Once I change, I walk briskly back to the carriage, only to find Potter harassing Lily.

"What do you mean you're taken?" Potter asks in disbelief as he ruffles his hair like the vain child he is. I step through to the cabin and Lily's eyes flit over to mine.

"It's not official yet, but – "

"What's going on?" Sirius shouts, stepping into the carriage with Remus and Peter. Since when was this a bloody party? Bad enough with just Potter.

"I was just asking this fair lady when she wants to have a little date at Hogsmeade." He announces as he sits by Lily, putting his arm around her with confidence, holding his lighted wand in her face. "But apparently, she is already taken!" He boisterously announces, as if it is impossible. Lily shrugs off Potter's arm and holds her illuminated wand defensively. I move to the window-side of the carriage and sit opposite Lily and James, still invisible to them both.

"Already taken? And by who!" Sirius questions as he sits on the floor.  
"What does it matter! I said it's not official yet!" Lily yells, making Potter move away slightly, much to my delight.

"Whoa! Calm down Lily! Don't want your red hair – which Prongs so adores – to light on fire!" Sirius jokes. Potter moves closer to Lily.

"Ah Lily, you should know by now that I will not rest until you are mine – and who better for you to be with then James Potter the Great?" He asks, standing up and flexing his muscles.

"Oh…I can think of one." She replies, winking at me. Her words send an unknown feeling rushing within me. It is at this stage that Potter and his crew actually recognize me.

"Ah. Surely you do not mean greasy Snivellus here!" He says, but was cut off as the train started to move again. Despite the lights turning back on, and Potter putting his wand away, Lily still kept hers up defensively. I gripped mine within my jacket, ready to whip it out at any signal. Unphased about the peculiar journey, Potter continues to woo Lily.

"Well Lily, you know that as a Gryffindor bachelor, it is our duty to date the eligible people of our house." He remarks, sounding very self important.

"You mean you see it as your duty to shag every pretty girl in Gryffindor? You might have your ego, and even a few shags, but you'll never have me you worthless scum." Lily retorts. With pleasure I watch Potter's face break down, his ego crumbling before my eyes, a feat I have only dreamed of. Not wanting him to have a full-on cry, Sirius steps in and, telling Potter that Lily was just being hormonal, managed to pull the Marauders out of our cabin.

"Well I am glad that's over!" She exclaims finally, lowering her wand. I smirk at her.

"As am I." I reply.

Before we know it we are walking into Hogwarts, excited and hungry. As soon as Lily enters the building she stops to take a deep breath.

"Lily, what are you doing?" I ask cautiously.

"Just allowing Hogwarts to fill me up." She replies contentedly, before grabbing my hand and leading me into the Great Hall. I try to tug my hand away from her's, and eventually succeed before any sly looks are cast our way

As we separate to walk to our opposite houses, I can't help but get the feeling I should be very, very careful. With a deathly scowl on my face I take a seat at the Slytherin table, staring down at any spiteful glare my way. Evan comes over to me and slaps me on the back. "How's it feel to be back, eh?" He asks as he bites into a piece of chicken. Evan Rosarie had always been a friend of mine, even though the prank in third year meant I couldn't trust him anymore. But I guess that can be expected from a Slytherin.  
"Like it does every other term, Rosarie." I reply nonchalantly. With a chuckle and a little mutter, he turns away to leave me to my own. I look at the food before me hungrily, knowing I haven't eaten for days, but don't want to seem unruly. I carefully take a reasonable portion of food, and quickly eat it, barely feeling any satisfaction.

The noise in the Great Hall just seems to constantly be loud, and as I walk out of the Hall in a wave of foolish teenagers, the noise only gets louder. Girls giggling and whispering, boys grinning and tackling each other – when will it end? I walk down to the dungeons, ready for sleep to soon overcome me, but as I am about to turn into the Slytherin dormitories, I hear an unwanted voice call out to me: "Ah! There you are Severus m'boy!" I turn around in annoyance to see none other then Slughorn racing towards me, his robes flapping in the faces of the students.  
"Now, let's get to your room, eh? I am quite glad Professor Dumbledore reminded me – I had nearly forgotten to enter you in, what with the new password." He exclaims, as if his forgetting something is unheard of. I stare at him as we walk, wondering whether he drank a wrong potion, before I realize what he means. I mentally scold myself for forgetting I am to lodge with Slughorn – I could have saved up some of the unnecessary joy. Wordlessly I follow Slughorn down through the dungeons. He mumbles the password, and we walk in. As I walk in, the sight before me renders me in shock – 10 different cauldrons all set up, a private collection of ingredients and a whole wall dedicated to books. If I had of noticed this all before, I wouldn't have thought it so bad to be staying here.

"Now now m'boy, you'll have time to explore my new treasures later, but now I must quickly show you your room so I am not late for the meeting. After getting this lot refurnished and so on, I decided to add something to your room. I put in a desk and a few shelves for your belongings." He says, as he steps through my bedroom, looking around contentedly.

"Right, well. With that being said I think I will be off!" He announces, after a short silence. Giving me a slight nod before leaving my room, he walks off humming to himself. When the door clicks shut, I walk slowly over to my bed and place my trunk atop of it so I can place my books on the shelves. I take each book out carefully, so carefully that I could be accused of being Madam Pince!

Once I am in my PJ's and all is settled, I walk out into the main room and wander over to the book collection, not daring to touch anything yet. Observing the collection of potion's books, I begin to grow weary of studying the cases of "Ye Olde Potions Vol I" to "Ye Olde Potions Vol M". Turning away and preparing to go to bed, I take one overall glance at the wall of books before walking off, and I spot a book which is so rare, I nearly dropped dead. Figituarvely. As I stand there, agog, staring at the cover, I feel my fingers itch to read it. Hearing footsteps coming down the hallway, I decide to run to bed. Lying down, all I can think about is that book: Horcruxes and How to Make Them.

**--Meanwhile, in 3rd POV—**

"Now is the time to strike!" Avery aggressively shouts, pounding a fist into his hand.

"Avery, be calm. All will soon fall to fit our plan; it always does." The cool voice of Lucius Malfoy predicts.

"And what makes you so sure Snape will join us, eh? How do we know we aren't wasting our time on him when there are plenty of third years who are ready for convincing?" Mulciber questions as he holds his illuminated wand to Malfoy's newly scarred face. The trio was in a secret hiding place, deep within the dungeons of Slytherin, where only slime and darkness kept them company. It Is here that the future death eaters meet monthly with their new recruitments, it is here they negotiate their next move, and it is here, and only here, that they keep in touch with the Dark Lord himself. All unbeknown to Dumbledore.

* * *

_Hello all!_

_Ok, first off, I would like to say a huge **THANK YOU** to all those who have been so, so supportive. I can not explain enough how meaningful your words have been, and that they truly helped me to move on and get on with my life. Honestly, you guys couldn't have offered any more support, and I truly thank you for helping me so much, and also for understanding. Luckily, my difficult time is over. Life has moved on, things are becoming alot easier, and I find myself enjoying things which I never did before. It has taken me a quite a while to get a total grip on myself, and I think I finally have. Bit of luck, I won't experience such a difficult time for a long time to come. So, thank you, to each and every one of you who offered your support. I would love to give you all a big hug, nonetheless we have to deal with cyber-hugs._

_Now away from that mushy moment, I am quite annoyed it's taken me so long to write this chapter - is there any point in saying sorry anymore?  
I recently found that life doesn't always work as planned, and so I am finally accepting that I can't update every week. I have had this chapter written for a few weeks, and finally found the time to put it up. _

_After re-reading through my story, I am embarrassed to see all the many mistakes I have made, so I will spend a bit of time from now to re-edit it all, but not to fret, nothing major will change. Nonetheless, this means I won't be completely concentrating on the next chapter for a little while._

_As far as my other story, My Own, I am currently in the midst of writing the next chapter, and hope to get it on up before the end of the month._

_Thanks again to everyone for your support, it has meant everything to me._

_Please read and review, if you have any queries or complaints, feel free to message me. The reviews are particuarly nice ;)_

_**Thanks again everyone,** _

_Love Angela xox _

_(Missteque)_


	18. Mirror, Mirror

**BitterSweet Chapter 17:**

**_Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc. etc._**

**_Severus Snape's POV:_**

I wake up to the sound of crashing and mumbling. I sit upright in bed and try to interpret the string of words which are coming from what sounds like the lounge room.

"Dumbledore…ask…Riddle…hide…Horcruxes…" I heard Slughorn mutter, his words barely intelligible, as if he'd been drinking.

"Dumbledore…purpose…wine." He says aloud, his words followed by another bang as if to confirm my suspicions. After a little more scrambling, followed by a few profanities and the final slam of a door, the night once again falls under a heavy blanket of silence, as if to clear all evidence and doubt of something happening. Annoyed at being awoken by such peculiar circumstances, I grab my wand and luminate it, walking into the lounge room to find a clock. As I search the room, I see a few books toppled over and a few cauldrons upside down – nothing too unusual. I find myself staring at an 'S' shaped clock, which tells me that the time is barely 6.30 am. I walk back to bed, and I cannot help but admit I am confused – since when did professors, who have so many expectations and standards, come back to bed in a drunken stupor, two hours before the day officially begins? Ah, but I guess I have experienced such shock before. Despite being a muggle, I once had expectations of Tobias, who was a muggle lawyer. You'd think that those in the business would avoid the 'cracks within the pavement' which their clients fall into, but much to my horror and shock, Tobias seemed to jump into that lifestyle; destroying not only my childhood, but my innocence.

Frustrated, I sit in bed, staring at the wall. With sleep not returning any time soon, I eventually decide to get ready for my day and head to the Great Hall. I take one of the seats at the Slytherin table and I spread myself out, knowing no body will sit within two chairs of me…which is one of the many things I have missed of being apart of the intimate groups of Slytherin. The sense of belonging, of respect. The sense of power, and working for The Greater Good. The rest of the school – particularly the Ravenclaws- are blind to the future, for they cannot see beyond their grades and graduating from Hogwarts. As if that will matter, in the end. In the end, it won't depend on which Mediwitch secured a placement at St Mungo's, but which has more power, and which is more cunning with their spell-work and defense. Voldemort and the Death Eaters will be nearly unstoppable, and I could be one of them. But what would I be actually fighting for? Would I be fighting for the same thing as them? And, do I prefer to be up against the biggest, strongest army to face this earth, or to fight with them? These thoughts never cease, and I do seriously wonder whether I would prefer to be stupid, arrogant and immature, so such thoughts wouldn't occur to me. Even to escape these thoughts for a few hours would be bliss. But, I suppose I have lost many things, and have gained one thing. Lily. If I can somehow forever secure her safety, then I can only hope I would be satisfied. Nonetheless, I cannot help but admit being a Death Eater is a huge temptation and I, at times like these, wonder what it is I truly do want.

As the Hall begins to fill up with obnoxious students I move out of the hall, forfeiting seeing Lily to go for a walk. As I walk through out Hogwarts, in and out of the Clock Tower, pass the Charms classroom and up and down numerous stairs, I notice a door, beaten and old and one which I have never seen before. With a hand on my wand, I open the door to find a hallway, which I have also never known about. Luminating my wand, I walk down the corridor, curiosity at its climax, when a portrait calls out to me.  
"Who – who goes there?" The portrait asks, his eyes shifting about as I come to a stop.

"I am a Slytherin student." I reply.

"Curious that a Slytherin, rather then a Gryffindor, makes his way up here." It comments. I can't help but feel confused – what on earth is it on about?

"Well, go on then, you're here to get what you want I suppose." It says, annoyed. "Dumbledore will be interested to hear this…" It mumbles. Frowning, I turn around with wand in air to see a big, black door, which (again) I hadn't noticed before. Without thinking twice, knowing that this was what the portrait was referring to, I enter the new room. I immediately notice the temperature change; it feels like it's dropped to the temperature level of the dungeons, which ironically makes me feel more comfortable. I step forward, my eyes locked on the centre piece of the room: the mirror.

I cautiously walk up to the mirror, circling it once or twice, wary of my surroundings – it wouldn't surprise me in the least if Potter jumped out, the Marauders ready to jinx. But, as I move closer to the mirror, I realize there is no danger, because of the lack of sound. In fact, there is no sound, besides the shuffling of my feet and my breathing. But it's curious that a mirror should stand alone in what seems to be a hidden-away place. What's so good about this mirror? Why is it here, in this room, with no one else? I've always hated mirrors – they always show me what I never want to see; myself. I generally avoid all mirrors, and all things reflective. Nonetheless, I am compelled, enchanted, by this mirror, as if some ulterior force is connecting me. I take one long look into its endless universe, and I only see myself reflected, my hair in a mess (due to lack of brushing), and I grunt, determined to get away, but the sudden changing of the reflected picture stops me. Before my eyes, I watch myself age, stopping at what appears to be 25. My hair and nose are somewhat similar, but there is a different air about me. My stance is stronger, more confident, almost powerful. As I stare at my – what I hope to be- future self, the image blurs again, strange colours of red, green and black entwining, to present me with a sight that makes me fall to the floor, the wind knocked out of me. I, Severus Snape, am standing tall and proud, with my arms around Lily, and hers around me, with what seems to be a mansion in the background. The picture radiates wealth and happiness. Overwhelmed, I am unsure with where to begin to look. I focus on my face, which has many stress lines, (which should be expected from me), but also a few laugh lines. I seem to be confident and happy. Then I look at Lily, who I notice is wearing a wedding ring. She is holding onto me tightly, her smile magnificent and glorious. Her face is as beautiful as ever and she seems unchanged by what ever years had affected me. I feel my heart yearn to have what I see – it aches. But what does this all mean? Is this the future? Or is it just showing me what I can't have?

A clock suddenly appears, breaking me out of my reverie. Before I can analyze the time, it chants at me: "You, student, you are late, late, late. You better run, run, run. I hope your day is great, great, great; full of fun, fun, fun!" Annoyed, I look at the time and realize I am not just a little bit late, but that I have almost missed all of first period, which was Potions – with Lily. I run down to the dungeons, and just as I reach the Potion's classroom, students begin filing out. I wait by the door for the chance to see Lily and apologize to Slughorn, when Narcissa slams into me purposefully, making me drop my books, earning snickers from the Gryffindors and a few Slytherins. Just as I bend down, two familiar hands reach out and attempt to grab my books. Embarrassed at being helped, I quickly bend down and snatch them up, my head accidently colliding with Lily's.

"Ow, Sev!" She squeals. Potter turns around and looks at us as the Marauders and other students move on to their next class. His presence irritates me. I look at Lily and see her blush slightly.

"Uh, sorry Lily. I didn't mean to." I say very quietly, before beginning to move into the Potions' room to see Slughorn.

"Oh, it's fine Sev. I'll see you later, ok?" She says, quickly giving me a hug before walking up the stairs. Potter gives me an angry look which I return with a menacing scowl, before turning into the Potion's room.

"Mr. Snape, where have you just been?" Slughorn questions as I reach his desk.

"Sorry, Sir, I had gotten…distracted." I excuse lamely. Since when was I unable to come up with an excuse?

"Well, Severus m'boy, make sure this doesn't happen again, or I will be forced to deduct points." He reprimands. I nod, but before I leave, he speaks again.

"Although, I believe I must give you a little punishment. Such slackness, Severus, does not help when your final years of schooling are about you!" He says, staring at me meaningfully, before turning away to the storage cupboard. "What to do…what to do…Ah huh!" He exclaims, pulling out a bunch of books. "I have – uh – been meaning to go through these for a while, and there are a few potion recipes I need to find." He says, handing me a list. "The recipes are in those books over there, but I am not sure which ones…could you please find them?" He asks while walking away, giving me no option but to oblige.

Scowling, I levitate the books towards me and position myself comfortably on my stool. 50 odd books piled precariously before me, I sort through each one, most of which have pages falling out and holes burned through-out them, as well as the bitter scent of mixed monkswood and rat's spleen. I gradually make my way down Slughorn's list, when I accidently drop one of the books. It lands on the stone floor with a loud thud.

"Severus m'boy!" Slughorn shouts. "Can you please keep the noise down; I have quite a headache today." He claims as he works on a potion.

"I wonder why." I mutter sarcastically. I pick up the dropped book and begin reading it, when I realize that it is a book on Horcruxes. It is THE book on Horcruxes. Entranced, I read and read. Lost in time, the sound of shuffling feet getting closer make me realize that Slughorn is making his way towards me. I quickly rip out a random page out of the book and stuff it into my robes. He reaches my desk and picks up the list of potion recipes.

"Ah, this is all m'boy! I found the other two recipes lying around…now I need you to help me make one of the potions please. I have many to make, with quite the tight schedule."

"Which would you like me to make?" I ask.

"You can choose m'boy." He replies. I scan the list. Majority of the potions I have never created, with the exception of Polyjuice potion.

"Felix Felicis." I choose. Slughorn smiles.

"Very smart, very smart. Well, be on your way! When you have finished, put the potion into phials and see me." He says while he walks away with my list in his hands.

Working away, I feel as though I can forget everything; or at least not have the thoughts so conscious. The heat of the cauldron flushes my face, the new scents of the unknown potion and unused ingredients exciting and almost intoxicating. Naturally, I add and skip a few steps, the whole process an almost blur – before I know it, the potion is created. The time seems to slip between my fingers. I look at my potion warily. The light, transparent colour is unlike any I have ever seen before, and I wonder if I've made a mistake. Frustrated, I procure phials and fill them.

"Severus, I have never seen anything like this! It has got to be one of the best batches of Felix Felicis I have seen! What did you do m'boy!?" He asks excitedly as I hand him several phials of the potion.

"I added some sliced wartroot to counteract the toad's stork. It seemed the right thing to do at the time." I answer.

"Well, I know you were here as a punishment, but I believe 5 points for Slytherin should be awarded! Absolutely marvelous."

"Thank you, sir." I say. "May I please go now?"

"Oh. Yes, yes. Just tell your professor it is my fault you have missed majority of the lesson. Oh, and you can take a phial if you like, as a little reward. Just be sure to put it to good use!" Slughorn says enthusiastically. I grab a phial and walk out of the dungeons to Herbology.

I eventually manage to escape my Herbology class and make my way to the Great Hall. I quickly eat some lunch, knowing I have some work I need to finish. As I eat I feel a cold hard stare boring into the back of my head. Not necessarily wanting to know who is staring at me so intensely, I focus on my food.

The next few days pass in a similar fashion; Slughorn comes back to my apartments drunk, I visit the mirror in the mornings and Lily remains distant. And there was always a person staring at me when I enter the Great Hall.

Little did I know that it was Lily who was staring at me so harshly for three consecutive days. And even more surprising, was the reason why.

* * *

_Hello Everyone!_

_Well, finally another chapter has been updated, and is there any more point in apologizing for taking so long? If so, then I am sorry. I have had this chapter written for quite a while, but as I have mentioned before, I handwrite all my stories, so editing takes quite a while, and isn't in any way perfect. Also, I never type, nor write, my stories with family around, and so it has been difficult to get a few moments by myself!_

_My other story, My Own, should have the next chapter updated in a few moments, and both stories are currently undergoing their first overall edit, which I was meant to have done already, but, there are a few things I wish to sort out that may take a little thinking!_

_I hope you have all enjoyed this chapter, and please, please, please, if anyone finds anything wrong with my story, or if you feel I am losing my touch, please say so! I want to give my readers as much enjoyment reading the story as I have writing it._

_Please read and review, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I will promptly reply!_

_Hope you all have a marvelous day,_

_Love Missteque._

_

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_

**SPOILER for HALF BLOOD PRINCE movie below.**

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_********SPOILER FOR HALF BLOOD PRINCE MOVIE**************_

_PS. I also enjoyed watching Harry Potter: THe Half Blood Prince - Alan Rickman did a wonderful job, as always, and the other characters were funny. I particuarly enjoyed Slughorn! However I was disappointed that there were so few 'Snape scenes', as my most beloved character was barely talking in the movie. Or that's my opinion!_

_Please, for all those who have seen the movie, tell me whether you like the interpretation of Snape's Spinner's End, whether you like his house, and whether you would like me to change my descriptions of his house to fit those of the movie. Personally, I was disappointed by his house, as it appeared as nothing like I had imagined._

_Thank you :)_

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	19. Wounds

_**BitterSweet Chapter 18:**_

**_Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc. etc._**

**_Severus Snape's POV:_**

"Stupefy!" I whisper gently, directing my arm at my opponent. He expertly defends himself against my attack with a slightly elated look, before turning to his class.

"Now, I am sure you all know these basic skills which Mr. Snape and I have just shown you, but today, I want to teach you a more complicated spell: Expecto Patronum." He announces, earning a few groans from students – the ones who complain without knowing what they're complaining about. "Now, I hope you all know by now that it isn't an attacking spell, but it has two very special purposes. It can defend you from Dementors, and it can deliver a message safely; two skills which are otherwise hard to accomplish, particularly in the times we are about to face." He continues, staring pointedly at us all. "The patronus which I will teach you to conjure will be able to accept a message and deliver it safely, under any circumstance to the intended person." He says, pacing up and down the dueling table. "I am going to give you three minutes, and in those few minutes I need you to find the happiest memory you have." He says enthusiastically. Professor Reimers is a small-built man yet seems to contain as much energy as a child and his countenance is encouraging.

I don't even have to search my memories before I find the happiest moment of life; it was only 8 weeks ago.

"Ok. Now, I want you all to think of this memory while shouting: Expecto Patronum." Professor Reimers commands. Many different "Expecto Patronum" spells are yelled simultaneously, barely producing a Patronum. I gently whisper the spell and watch as white, silvery beams shoot out of my wand, forming a sort of blob. Professor Reimers comes over to me, smiling.

"Well done Severus! Don't worry about the shape; it will change as you grow older." He says with a genuine smile that sparks my curiosity – isn't it a bad thing to have a blob? He walks away without another word and walks over to Potter.

"I wonder what yours is going to be, Prongs." Sirius jokes sarcastically. With the professor watching, he conjures a patronus which takes the form of a deer. Rather then congratulating Potter, Professor Reimers frowns at him and walks over to another group of Gryffindors. I stare at my worthless patronus in annoyance, not understanding its lack of shape. From what I read about patronuses, a patronus is supposed to take a symbolic form of something meaningful to the person who conjures it – since when was a blob ever meaningful to me? As I wallow in frustration, my 'patronus' disappears, no longer able to feed on joyful thoughts. I look around the classroom in disgust at some of the others. The girls all stand in twos and threes, giggling and laughing at their patronuses – since when was it so funny? The boys attempt to send messages back and forth between each other, and which seem to be of a crude nature, if their expressions are anything to go by. The students are all blissfully ignorant of so many of life's dimensions that I almost pity them.

"Oi Snape!" I hear someone call. I turn around to see Rosier walking towards me. "Want to see my patronus?"

"Do I have any choice?"

"Nope." He replies, grinning. His grin suddenly changes to an expression of seriousness as he mutters "Expecto Patronum". The patronus slowly forms into an owl.

"Well done Rosier." I say, inexcusably bitter. Evans is about to reply but the professor calls us to gather in.

"As most of you have already sent messages via your patronesses, I now want to train you against Dementors. Dementors can be extremely damaging, and are very dangerous. They feed on happy memories, leaving a person only their darkest thoughts. To repel – yes Mr. Collett?"

"Is it true that You-Know-Who is rallying the Dementors into his forces?" The Gryffindor boy asks, slightly scared. A group of Slytherin boys behind me give a quite snicker, making my spine tingle with anger and horror.

"Anything is possible, and yes there are rumors of that kind. That is why it is best if you are prepared Mr. Collett. So, as I was saying, today we are going to practice – what now Mr. Collett?"

"Are we practicing against…real Dementors?"

"Not now, but for those who continue Defense of the Dark Arts next year will." Professor Reimers answers. Calculating by the look on Collett's face, he won't be taking the Defense class next year.

"Now, another answer to Mr. Collett's question is that we are practicing on boggarts. Now, while I know that some of you are afraid of Dementors," he says, looking at Collett, "some of you will have different fears. So, I want you all to find your biggest fear and think of how you would fear it being revealed to everyone else. This will evoke the Dementors to appear, because it naturally leaves you with no happiness, and essentially only fear of your fears – you could say that you need to fear, fear." He concludes. A mock snore is emitted from someone at the back; probably an arrogant Gryffindor. The professor, either unable to hear it or unwilling to acknowledge it, continues.

"Now, all I want you to do when you face these Dementors is to cast your patronus – it is vital to maintain your happy thoughts. There are six boggarts separated across the room, so take in turns and be careful!" He warns. The students subdivide into groups and wander off to the different boggart stations. I join a group of Slytherins. Avery steps up first to cast his patronus. The boggart doesn't hesitate to transform into a Dementor.

"Expecto Patronum!" He casts, his voice wavering slightly. A bat shoots out of his wand towards the Dementor, before fading away as the boggart gets closer to Avery.  
"Very good, Mr. Avery, although more concentration is needed." The professor comments as he passes the group. Narcissa steps up to the boggart next and delicately casts her patronus; a rabbit. After successfully repelling the Dementor, she turns away from the boggart with a smug expression and makes sure to bump into me as she passes by. Just as I prepare to cast my sad excuse of a patronus, Professor Reimers interrupts us, alerting us that the class has ended. I move to get my books and turn around, only to be faced by Avery, Narcissa and Mulciber in the now-empty classroom. Before a word is passed between us, Narcissa, in what seems like an act of absolute rage, attacks me.

"Stupefy!" She yells, a wicked gleam in her eye. I side step and feel the curse pass me, the force blowing my hair out of my face. I look at her with a determined look and she groans aloud.

"You bastard!" while she throws another curse at me. I mutter "protego' under my breath and avoid being hit. Narcissa's companions are just standing there, motionless.

"What have I done now, Cissy?" I ask, my voice low and dark.

"It is because of you that Lucius' parents are considering taking him out of school!" She replies, almost close to tears. I can't help but wonder how I would feel if Lily had been taken away from me in the same way Lucius would be to Narcissa, and I feel sympathy for her. I look at now what are obviously her body guards.

"Could we please have a moment alone?" I question. They give me a hard stare, as if that signified their answer. "I wouldn't stoop down to your level and hurt a female, now please leave." I demand. Narcissa gives a slight nod of her head and Avery and Mulciber leave the room. I turn back to a teary Narcissa.

"Narcissa, you know as well as I that I am not the reason that Lucius is going to be pulled out of school." I remind, carefully watching her. You never know what these crazy girls will do anymore – their moods are as delicate as brewing a 'Draught of Life' potion. She just shakes her head from side to side. "What, do you think differently? Did you really think you could take your anger out on me, when you knew that, regardless of me or you, he would leave?" I question with heat in my voice. She needs to hear the truth aloud. A few tears slide down her face, and as I stare at my old best friend, I feel guilty. And stupid. And useless. I take one step towards her.

"When the Dark Lord calls, Cissy, he will follow." I warn in a low voice. Despite not wanting my words to be loud, it felt as though it echoed through out the empty Defense room, bouncing back and weighing us down with the severity of the words. Narcissa's tears steadily flow down her face.

"W-why did you attack him? What gave you the right?" She demands, suddenly livid. Her tone makes me defensive and as I think back to that day, I feel my blood boil once again.

"As if you don't know. Nonetheless, I'll remind you what right I had. He threatened to kill Lily, Narcissa! In order to bribe me, he was going to kill her before my eyes!" I shout unintentionally. She pales slightly.

"You didn't have to scar him." She mumbles, rubbing her arm.

"Narcissa, if he does so much as touch her again, I won't hesitate to kill him." I tell her flatly, watching her pace pale further, the tears running down her face.

"Oh, Sev, please don't!" She pleads, the tone of her voice alerting me to her allusion.

"Narcissa, do you know something I don't?" I ask, trying to be gentle but sure the rage inside me is visible. She gives me a not - so convincing shake of her head.

"If you want to ensure Lucius' safety, it's best if I know everything." I coax.

"Do you promise his safety?"

"I wouldn't be stupid to promise such a thing, but I promise to be as lenient as I can."  
"I don't know of much, except that you are both a target for both Lucius and the Dark lord. He constantly talks of this plan, which the ultimate goal is the death of a … mudblood." She answers, gently saying the word of which I am most averted to. I look into her eyes, which quickly look at mine but then shift away to find another object to look at. She's lying. Without another breath I whisper 'legilimens' and enter Narcissa's thoughts. It doesn't take me a second to find what I was looking for, yet hoping wasn't there.

A scene appears with Lucius sitting on a chair which is on the right-hand side of a throne.

"My lord, I have found the link." Lucius' voice announces, gently sliding a piece of paper to the chair on his left. "If this mudblood dies, we'll have no problem recruiting him."

The figure in the throne extends a deathly white hand and takes the paper.

"Pretty thing, isn't she?" The Dark Lord comments.

"And a feisty Gryffindor – she won't be easy to take down, especially with him guarding her."  
The Dark Lord chuckles darkly, evilly, sending chills to the depths of my heart.

"She will prove _very_ useful to us. I might just have to pay her a visit myself." He says in a voice so wicked that it emphasized the double use of the words and makes misinterpretation of his intentions impossible. Automatically, my body begins to shake with anger, my heart which was just frozen with fear set alight by hate and anger. I pull myself out of Narcissa's thoughts just as I hear glass smash from behind me. I turn around to see an angry Avery and Mulciber approaching, obviously attempting to hex me. In the mood for a fight, I stupefy them both. Paralyzed on the ground, I walk past the two figures and a crying Narcissa to leave the room, but I am shot with a curse and knocked to the ground. Avery gets up and walks over to me, wand pointing at my chest.

"You know Snape; you really are a filthy git. Didn't your mother ever teach you how to clean?  
He rhetorically asks, stupefying me again. "How does that mudblood friend of yours cope with it?"

I feel my face grow hot with anger and shame. Avery leaves me paralyzed on the ground and walks over to get Mulciber up. My eyes flicker over to Narcissa, who is wiping away the last of her tears before making a clearing her face of emotion. By the time Mulciber and Avery are both upright, I resume control of my limbs.

"Molti-Levicorpus." I mutter at the boys, watching as their bodies are flung upside down as I stand up. Their curses just miss me and hit the remaining windows. As Avery whispers 'Wingardium Leviosa" I feel a sharp pain in my arm. I give it a quick glance and recognize a piece of glass which must be from the wreckages.

"Molti-Expelliarmus!" I cast, disarming Avery and Mulciber to prevent them from levitating any other pieces of glass into my arm.  
With a grimace on my face I leave the room and go to Slughorn's apartments. I strip down to my trousers, careful not to move my arm much. I look at my pale arm, a single line of blood steadily dripping from the wound. I gently grasp the glass and gently tug it out, my raw skin pulling apart at the removal. I groan aloud at the pain before completely lifting it out. Looking around the room to find something to slow the blood flow, I grab a close piece of paper, dabbing it on my deep wound. I throw the offensive piece of glass on the ground and walk out of my room. I find a piece of material wound up around a metal object. I carefully unwrap the object and then wrap the white cloth forcefully around my arm, creating a bandage. I slip my robes back over and go out to the next class, having just missed morning break. As I walk past Lily I give her a little smile, but she just ignores me and keeps walking.

* * *

_Hello everyone!_

_In order to explain a component in the story, Severus spells of 'Molti-Levicorpus' and 'Molti-Expelliarmus' are prefixes which Severus created in order  
to use the spells following the 'molti' on multiple people at once. I got this idea from Italian whereby Molti (plural of Molto) means much, or very.  
Also, I invented the 'Draught of the Life' potion. It is a potion which can give back life to the dead, however, it has only once been correctly created as the recipe is highly delicate and easy to make a mistake, hence Sev referred to it._

_Well, I finally got there, and I have to ask to be excused in the next chapter which will be updated immeadiately._

_I hope you are all well and that everyone is enjoying their night/day!  
Please remember to read and review, telling me what you think of this chapter, areas I can improve on and areas which you may think I did well in. Please let me know if you are enjoying the story as feedback allows me to shift and change for the better._

_Lots of Love,_

_Ange (Missteque)._


	20. Official

**_BitterSweet Chapter 19:_**

**_Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc. etc._**

**_Severus Snape's POV:_**

By the time it is lunch, at least 50 scenarios have gone through my head, each as likely (to me) to happen as the next: maybe she's figured how unworthy I am of her, maybe she realized she never loved me, maybe she realized her compassion had to end, maybe she realized I am dangerous for her. With all these thoughts swirling in my head as well as the intoxicating pain from my wound, I sit down at the Slytherin table and look over to the Gryffindor table, trying to find Lily. As I realize she isn't at the table, Mary taps me on the shoulder and without a word, passes me a note.  
It read: _Meet me at our place by the river – L. _

Without a word I get up from my seat and walk out of the Great Hall and out to the gardens. As I near the lake I see Lily sitting by the side, her knees curled up and tucked under her chin. I sit beside her, crossed leg, half facing her and half facing the lake. I look at Lily's beautiful face which is contorted with anger.

"Lily, what's wrong?" I ask quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

She heaves a sigh, but does not reply. I wait silently for a few minutes.

"Lily?" I repeat, but to no avail. Flinging my arms into the air, I get up.

"I'll go then if you don't want me." I announce, the double meaning of my words obvious. I start to walk back to the castle.

"Sev, why haven't you talked to me the last few days?" She asks. I turn around and sit back beside her.

"We've both been busy and you've been with all of those Gryffindors – "  
"Sev, do you know what people harass me about day and night?" she questions, her arms folded. Her question distracts me from what I am saying as she completely changes the subject. I can tell the true point of her anger is about to make itself heard. Without any prompting she continues.

"Everybody asks me who I am seeing, and I can't tell them a thing! I can't even say that it's official! And then they think its Potter and that toerag thinks I'm lying and as he said 'playing hard to get'…" She rambles off as her anger replaces itself and makes her shy.

I sit in shock as I realize what she is saying and my heart swells with relief, yet fear. Although I admitted my feelings for her at Spinner's End, admitting them here seems to add so much more gravity to our relationship. Despite knowing she loves me too, I can't help but feel a rejection is in the near future; inevitable. I feel as though admitting the words here and now would make me more vulnerable then ever, mentally and physically. At Hogwarts, where I need to be my best and strongest, could I afford this vulnerability? No matter what she will be my biggest weakness, whether we're together or not, so I suppose I should use my position as much as possible to protect her. As I look into her face, those emerald eyes, I can see Professor Baggins' prophecy and I know, from the grim picture of my future, and my intense feelings, that without Lily, I would die inside, and that my biggest weakness is also my biggest strength.

Through out the turmoil in my head, Lily watches me intently. I look at her and my hands begin to shake a little as I brush my hair out of my face. Lily's face begins to blush.

"Sev, if you don't want to make it official, or be together, well then just say so." She says, getting irritated. I chuckle at her – this girl thinks I don't want to be her boyfriend, when the love in me wants so much more. She must think my delay to reply is a dislike of commitment, when commitment is all I want. My life, all I have, I give to her. I must remind myself not to scare her off with the intensity of my love.

"Lily, you know how hard it is for me to talk about these sorts of things…I don't know where to begin…"

"Just say it."

"But you know that I want it too." I say, allusive.

"Severus, please, I need to hear it." She explains. I look at her, wondering why she is so stubborn on this point. Isn't it clear enough? I heave a big breath as if I am about to dive under water, I discreetly look about to ensure no one is watching, and then close my eyes to ensure that I don't see anyone anyway.

"Lily, will you please be my girlfriend?" I ask, my heart unintentionally beating faster at the idea of having a claim on Lily. I open my eyes to see Lily grinning at me.

"I thought you'd never ask. I'd love to be." She whispers before pulling me towards her by my collar. I collapse on top of her awkwardly and quickly adjust myself as she forces my head down to hers, our lips colliding. Having not kissed in weeks, I had almost forgotten the sensation as our lips move against one another. Lily tangles her fingers in my hair, adding more intensity. She gives me one last powerful kiss before breaking apart and moving from underneath me. I sit myself upright and look across at her still lying on the ground, twirling a piece of hair with the same hand which had tangled themselves in my hair. She looks from the lake to me and smiles at me, radiating. I give her a care-free chuckle.

"Come on then, girlfriend." I say, getting up and holding a hand out to her, not caring at the moment who sees. She eagerly grabs my hand but when she stands upright, she doesn't let go but instead weaves her fingers through mine. She stands up on her tippy toes and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

"What was that for?" I ask, smirking.

"I like it when you claim me as your own." She replies cheekily. I can't help but feel elated, hoping that she'll let me claim her as much more, later.

"I'm happy you're so easily pleased!" I joke. She playfully hits me on the arm and I unconsciously gasp in pain. Lily looks at me in shock.  
"Are you ok?" She asks, her hands fluttering around the spot she hit me.

"Yes." I lie, attempting to tug her back to the castle before classes begin, unwilling to talk about the cause of my wound. It was naïve of me to believe that the future could have been so easily forgotten. Lily stops walking. "Look, I just got into a bit of a fight with some of the Slytherins and I got a bit of glass stuck in my arm." I say.

"Why didn't you say something before?" She asks.

"It wasn't important."

"Sev, you're hurt!" She exclaims. I feel her close attention to me warm my heart yet cool my body – I feel myself shut up, my emotions hard to cope with. I'm blissfully happy and I have to be reminded of the future, as if I should be feeling guilty for being so happy.

"I'm fine." I finalize, dropping Lily's hand as we enter Hogwarts. As we become apart of the sea of students, Lily pulls me down to her level.

"Meet me tonight at 7.30 outside the Gryffindor Common Rooms or else I will come down to Slytherin and see you myself." She threatens before walking away.

As I walk to my next class, I cannot help but think of Lily. She's beautiful, radiant, cheery, intelligent, funny, feisty…and before long my thoughts of our happy relationship transform into grim scenes of the future. Narcissa's memory as well as Baggins' prophecy take away my rare moment of happiness and replace it with sorrow, anger and guilt. Can I protect her and be with her at the same time? My thoughts are broken at intervals where I have to think and listen in classes. I am annoyed and frustrated with myself for being so lazy and distracted, just before exams, which are in just two weeks.

Walking back to Slughorn's, I think of how I have two major assignments due next Monday. I won't have much time on the weekend, as I thought of taking Lily out to Hogsmeade, and we also have a slug club party on Saturday night… I have so much to do that it's overwhelming. Deciding to make the most of my night, I begin my multitude of homework. I become so absorbed in my History of Magic, that when I hear a knock on the door, I think nothing of it. I continue scribbling away at my essay, explaining why werewolves should be categorized as 'beasts' rather then 'beings' –thinking of one werewolf in particular – when a knock sounds again. I moan as I lift myself out of my study position to get the door.

"I'll have you little toerag know that I am quite…busy." I finish just as I open the door to a very flushed Lily. Without a word she walks in quickly. I notice that her hair is all messy and her robes are crumpled. I shut the portrait door and look at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry I forgot, I – " I begin.

"It's fine Sev." She says, slightly irritated. She looks around curiously, eyeing the large library and the few arm chairs. She spots my room and starts walking towards it.

"Lily, you might not want to go in there." I warn. She just scoffs at me and continues to walk in, with me following behind.

She looks around my room and sits down on my messy bed, before noticing the bloody glass piece in the corner of the room.

"Merlin's beard, Sev! That's a big piece of glass!" She exclaims, standing up and turning to me. Before I say a word, she demands: "Now, let me have a look."

"It's okay Lily, seriously. Don't worry about it." I ensure.

"Please show me, I might be able to help." She replies. I shake my head and she lightly touches her fingers against my arm. "At least to reassure me that I don't need to worry?" She pleads.

She withdraws her hand and gasps as she looks at her fingers – my eyes worriedly flicker to her fingers, which are lightly coated in blood.

"Lily, were you the one who has been staring at me in the Great Hall the last few days?" I question randomly, just realizing the link between Lily's moods and also distracting her.

"Yeah." She says sheepishly before realizing my tactic. "But that's not what I'm worried about, Show me now Severus Tobias Snape."  
"I'm worried about the weird stares." I whisper, though not sure if she can hear me.

"I can't pull my sleeve up enough to show you." I say aloud, making an excuse.

"Well then you can take off your robes." She replies. I feel my face pale at the idea of having to be bare-chested in front of Lily – she is bound to be repulsed.

"I can't."  
"Why not?"  
"Because."

"Sev, you better take your robes of right now and let me see the wound, please!" She begs. I give her a warning look but she just roles her eyes at me and without permission she reaches up with her blood stained fingers to begin to undo my robes. Despite not at all being a romantic situation, I feel my body shake in excitement. By the time she gets to my tenth button I take over and undo the rest, turning away from her as I drop my robe, not willing to expose myself. Lily giggles. I turn around slightly to see Lily who is behind me, and I try not to blush.

"What are you laughing at?" I ask in a shocked, hurt voice.

"You're acting as though you are completely naked Sev. No need to be so shy – you still have your pants on!" She remarks, blushing slightly. I just role my eyes at her dismissively (though thankful for her light-heartedness about the matter) and turn around fully, exposing my make-up bandage and pale torso. Her beautifully colored face pales as she looks at the cloth which is completely drenched in blood.

"Oh my…" she exclaims as she delicately touches the bandage. She carefully unwinds it, shifting us so she can get more light in order to enable her to see it better, and positions us by the side of my bed. She drops the cloth as it is unwound and attempts to examine my wound, which could be described almost as a crevice. I hadn't realized how big it had become, nor, now that I think about it, the relative size of the piece of glass. As Lily lightly pulls at my skin to get another look, blood oozes out steadily, running over her fingers.

"Oh, Sev!" She exclaims before fainting onto the bed. It is as Lily exclaims this that Professor Slughorn chooses to enter the apartment and walk past my room to see me, shirtless, and Lily, lying down and facing me. With embarrassment I realize the scene that Professor Slughorn must think he's seeing as my wounded arm is hidden from his view. A conclusion could be easily drawn from Lily's last sentence, the position of her body which is perfectly aligned with mine, and my half nakedness.

* * *

_Hello once again everyone!_

_Ok, I have a little explaining to do. A few months ago I had finished majority of these two chapters I have just posted, however, knowing the likely hood of me posting any chapters before the end of the year is unlikely, I wanted to give you all an extra treat by making them extra long. Turned out, my plan backfired on me as I had no time to make them extra long within the correct time frame and it took me much longer then intended to post them! Before I knew it, my time was consumed by family issues, many assignments and exams. _

_To explain my lack of updates in the near-future, I am going away for a holiday to Europe for Christmas, starting in December. I am not sure whether I will have enough time to update between now and then, and I realistically won't be able to update again until Feburary next year. I am so sorry for all of you who patiently wait, but once again I call on your patience for a while longer. I will try my hardest to update before I leave, however, in the case that I do not, rest assured that when I come back I will be re-inspired and relaxed!_

_And for record, I have in no way given up on either of my stories, just merely been distracted and busy! _

_I hope that my chapters haven't disappointed those who have waited, and again I am sorry. Please read, please review, please tell me what you think and feel free to ask questions or give critisism. _

_If I do not post between now and my magnificant overseas holiday, I bid you all a very Merry Christmas and hope that it is a magical Christmas for you all - with lots of relaxing and reading!_

_Lots of love,_

_Angela (Missteque)._

_(P.S Chapter 18 and 19 were orginally meant as one however it made more sense for me to split them into two, so know that I did create a long chapter...sort of!)_


	21. Tension

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 20:**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc. etc.**_

_**Severus Snape's POV:**_

"Severus what on earth is going on here? I know that you are a developing boy, but sex in my quarters is not allowed!" Professor Slughorn almost shouts, waving his hands about in no certain manner. I feel myself blush and immediately grab my coat to cover myself.

"Sir, that uh…isn't the case at all. Lily was checking a wound on my arm and I guess the amount of blood caused her to faint." I explain, letting the cloak slip so he can see my wound. I've never felt so embarrassed!

"Oh my, well, yes of course you're right Severus. I know you wouldn't do anything like … that. Gryffindors maybe, but you, no." He mumbles, slightly grimacing at the sight of my wound. He takes a long look at Lily, making me even more uncomfortable. "Severus, I think you should take her to Madam Pomfrey."

"How?"

"Oh, I'll help." He says, perhaps suddenly remembering he has a duty as a teacher. He takes out his wand and casts 'Wingardium Leviosa' and levitates Lily to the Hospital Wing. Somewhat covered I follow Slughorn and Lily. As I walk out of the Slytherin dungeons I hear chuckles quickly followed by hushing. I look around me and hold my arm lightly as I warily watch the fluttering of robes of the students. A feeling of worry washes over me and I can't help but feel that something bad is in the planning.

We arrive at the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey immediately takes Lily over to a bed. She props her legs up, keeping her feet above her heart. After checking her blood pressure and pulse she attends to me with the same interestedness as she did with Lily. Despite having no personal connection with Madam Pomfrey, I don't feel as highly opposed to show my wound but I suppose that is thanks to my somewhat frequent 'visits' to the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey becoming a motherly figure to me. I carefully remove my robes to expose my wound and I watch Madam Promfrey's face as it grimaces in response. I can't help but think my wound is worse then I believe.

"Severus, is there any point in asking how you obtained this wound?" Madam Pomfrey kindly asks. Slughorn peaks around the curtain, glimpses my wound and then disappears behind the curtain again.

"Probably not." I reply quietly, looking over at Lily. Lily is still unconscious although colour is returning to her cheeks – I breathe a sigh of relief. Madam Pomfrey takes a step back, looking at my wound, trying to decide what to do. She grabs a sterilized bandage and forces me to sit down, holding the bandage on my wound. Lily slowly stirs awake and Madam Pomfrey rushes over to her. Lily's cheeks are fully flushed as she sits up and realizes where she is. Resigned, she sinks back onto the bed, reaching her hand up to her forehead. I hope she hasn't hurt her head – or I haven't for that matter. As if she read my thoughts, Madam Pomfrey asks Lily if her head hurts.  
"Oh no, I'm just feeling a little…flushed." She replies, removing her hand. Her eyes flicker over to me in my seat and she begins to get up, but Madam Pomfrey refrains her, assuring her that she needs to rest. Oh, how I want Lily to come running over to me. My body reacts, a force pulling from the centre of my stomach to move towards Lily – the sensation is bittersweet in the sense that our separation and my unwillingness to move is painful yet the desire is tingling and ever growing. Frustrated, I lift my hand from my injured arm – the change in pressure numbing the wound – and rush my hand through my oily hair. Lily gasps and Madam Pomfrey follows her focused eyes to look at me.

"Lily, turn your head away and lie down. Severus, continue to apply pressure to that wound." She commands as she manually closes the curtains to block Lily from my sight, while conjuring a glass of water for Lily as she exits my curtained off section.

"Severus, this is a serious wound." She says upon returning, conjuring a damp cloth. She slowly comes closer, her hand slightly outstretched. "Please excuse me, Mr. Snape, but you have managed to smear blood all over your forehead." She states matter-of-factly.

Great.

Slowly and carefully she wipes my forehead, my brow retracting at the gentle touch, my frown deepening. This is why Lily was turned away from me – the blood. Instantly the temporarily relieved stress returns as I think about how this is my fault that Lily is even here. Although, it is fair to say, she did force me. How much can I resist? I feel my cheeks heat slightly at the idea of me and Lily… maybe someday, if whichever God up there was truly watching out for me.

When Madam Pomfrey finishes cleaning my blood stains she wraps my arm tightly with a bandage before allowing me to see Lily again. I walk over to Lily slowly. She watches me intently with an indefinable, mixed expression.

"Are you ok?" I ask gently as I stand beside her bed. She scoots over on the bed and pats her hand on the free space, inviting me to sit beside her.

"Yes, although a bit embarrassed – I can't believe I fainted!" she says, raising one hand to over her face. If only she knew what position Professor Slughorn caught us in! Having nothing to say, I don't respond and begin to fiddle with the hem of my robe. Lily delicately places her soft hand atop of mine. The simple touch makes my heart beat faster. I look around to make sure nobody sees the gesture and gratefully notice that Madam Pomfrey has left the room.

"How are you?" Lily asks with a detectable hint of anger.

"I'm fine, though a bit sore. Are you angry at me for showing you?" I question, curious as to the truth of the theory that women say one thing but mean another – I could quite understand! Lily looks at me angrily.

"I am angry, Sev, because you wouldn't have shown me otherwise – how can I help you if you don't even tell me what's wrong?"

"Lily, I don't always need your help." I answer firmly. Lily withdraws her hand and crosses her arms. A quick reminder of the prophecy flashes into my head when I had said similar things but used 'mudblood' instead. "What I mean is, you don't need to know everything." I say, attempting to patch things up but miserably failing as Lily turns away from me. Before I can utter another word, Madam Pomfrey reenters the room.

"Severus, I think I will keep you both here tonight – please go to bed so that Lily can rest." She requests, frowning slightly.

"It's only 9 o'clock!" I say, my protest earning a stern look from Madam Pomfrey.

"You both need your rest, particularly you, Mr. Snape. Your injury will not heal overnight" She responds. With a grunt of consent and a mature roll of my eyes I lift myself off Lily's bed and move over to my own, which are inconveniently a few beds away. I lie down and relish in the comfort of the bed. My eyes begin to droop despite the lightness of the room and as I tiredly look over to Lily, who is now propped up in bed, reading, I recognize that the beds separating us are empty – a fact that Pomfrey wouldn't have overlooked. As sleep overcomes me, I am satisfied to let all thoughts die.

When I wake up I hear low murmuring and giggling. My vision is slightly blurry and I look across groggily in Lily's direction. I recognize her figure and also that somebody is keeping her company. As my vision becomes sharper it takes less then a second to recognize the glasses, and even less time to realize what's going on. Potter, alone, is wooing Lily. My girlfriend. I could kill him. But do I dare to interrupt? What excuse would I have for going over there? As I contemplate what to do next, Madam Pomfrey enters the room and ushers Potter away. Potter slyly picks Lily's hand up to his lips and plants a kiss from his lips onto her hand. She blushes in response and as he is shooed out by a flustered Pomfrey, Potter's expression is the one I hate the most: triumph. I feel the hate and hurt flow throughout me. That cheating bastard. How in Merlin's name do I deal with this? Can I truly believe that Lily has betrayed me, and so storm up there in frustration, cursing him and glowering at her? Or do I wait to see if the angelic Lily will tell me about it? Does the fact that he has been here for a while mean that she hasn't shooed him away, or that he is too bloody arrogant to leave? Should I trust anything?

As the last images of him and Lily fade way, Lily sinks back into her bed, Madam Pomfrey hands me a glass of water which I drink readily, enjoying the syrup-taste. As I lie back down again, my eyes begin to droop again, and my mind is willing to once again succumb to the darkness of sleep instead of facing the challenges ahead.

Soft, warm, slightly moist and lightly scented are the words to describe what it is I feel when I wake up. My lips respond quicker then my eyes as they begin to move delicately against the lips that so magically woke me up. Whoever's lips they are, I almost couldn't care. My delayed eyes, closed half with sleep and half with pleasure, stutter open to see a mass of red hair, highlighted by the sun filtering through the Infirmary window. Lily's hands curl powerfully around my head as she lies down on my bed, half on me, half on the bed. The pressure of her body against mine sends my head reeling, even if I'm not carrying her full weight. Our lips continue to dance, so intoxicatingly sweet that I am almost embarrassed so much emotion can come from me. Lily tightens her hold of my head as she pulls my head slightly toward her, our lips pressed tightly together for second before she completely lets go and sits up. I sit up too, making more room for her on the bed and hiding my body's aching desire from view. _That _would embarrass me. Even the idea that I am so aroused embarrasses me, but then I look at her, and know, as it becomes harder, that it is only natural. Attempting to pull myself away from those sort of thoughts I rush my hand through my now-thoroughly greased hair and look at her. She grins at me and I grin back, only too happy.

"Good morning." I greet, looking at her.

"Morning Sev." She says, looking at me with laughter in her yes.

"I have to admit Lils, I've never been woken up as pleasantly as that before." I admit, trying to fill the silence. She giggles.

"You were so cute. I've never seen you so surprised before!" She exclaims, laughing. "Severus Snape caught unawares by an array of kisses – who would have thought it was the key?"

"What, the key to catch me by surprise?" I ask. She eagerly nods in response.  
"I guess you'll have to wake me up like that more often…" I suggest, shocked that the words are mine, but not caring as she leans closer, our bodies closing distance. Her lips reach my cheek and she whispers "I'll certainly have to" before giving me a last kiss. She pulls away and flits over to her bed. My mind can't help but replay the scene again and again, despite my problem getting bigger and bigger. As I turn and lie on my stomach to hide it, Madam Pomfrey enters the room.

"Lily dear, you can attend normal classes today, just try not to strain yourself for the next few days. You can go back to your common room now and freshen up before classes begin." Madam Pomfrey announces, folding Lily's sheets as she stands up.

"Can I see Severus first?" She asks innocently.

"No, he is sleeping." If only she knew! "You will see him later, I suppose." She excused. Not being able to protest by telling her of our morning delight, Lily leaves and Madam Pomfrey walks over to me, closing the curtains behind her.

"Severus, wake up dear. You can attend classes today when you're ready, but I do need to regularly check up on you. Your wound is very deep although it seems to have gained its depth not from your original injury –whatever that may have been- but because you have been moving it too much, and the fact that you removed whatever it was that was lodged in there by yourself. Your muscular fibers have been torn apart and this isn't and easy thing to cure. I am afraid it will take some time for you to fully heal." She says gently. I sigh.

"But, we will start by freshening up. You can use the infirmary bathroom, your clothes are already there, and when you're ready you can head off to the Hall for breakfast." She says, after thanking her briefly, she walks away and when she is out of sight I quickly slip out of the bed and briskly walk over to the bathroom. I turn on the shower while I strip down then take the plunge into the shower. My limbs automatically freeze up, the cold water numbing everything and finally taking care of…that issue. When my lower half is once again normal, I turn the hot water on full blast, reveling in the bellowing puffs of steam that rise up and out of the shower. I wet my hair and attempt to clean it, but with none of that muggle shampoo potion, my attempts are to no avail. When my body is thoroughly pink I, almost unwantingly, close off the water and change into my fresh black robes.

Clean and fresh I walk into the Great Hall to grab a piece of toast. The first class is Potions, with Lily. I walk to the Potion's classroom with the toast half-eaten in my hand and sit down in the regular spot as Lily enters and sits next to me. As the class settles, Slughorn enters the room, his shifty eyes making me once again uncomfortable.

"Well, boys and girls, today, as you are all coming of age, and as, as this may be an issue for some of you, today we are going to make a … contraception potion." He announces sheepishly, his stuttering unnoticed as surprised, excited and disgusted comments rouse from the students. Slughorn looks around at everyone, purposely avoiding looking at our table. The murmurs get louder around the classroom as a few girls laugh and a few boys snicker at their own petty jokes.  
"James, you might have to actually remember this one!" Sirius shouted, making me snort.

"Now, I want you all to, to pair up with a member of the, the opposite sex and remember that this is only for practice, not for anything…else." He announces awkwardly as he motions to the blackboard that illustrates the ingredients and methods. Lily looks at me and giggles before going to get the materials. I follow her, but we're both stopped in our tracks by Slughorn.

"Now, Severus, I have to apologize for my lack of trust in you m'boy., as my student and as a Slytherin, I should have known better….although the incident between you and Lily was very promiscuous…I am glad to see you're both well." He finally spits out, loud enough for even Dumbledore to hear.

"Uh, that's ok Professor." I excuse, gently pushing Lily forward to get past him. I internally groan as I realize what made Slughorn choose this potion.

We finally manage to gather all of the ingredients but we are interrupted again, this time by the toerag.

"Lily, so you know, you don't have to know this potion when we get it on – I don't mind if you have my babies." He says in his try-hard smooth voice. I almost gag. Lily just rolls her eyes at him, deciding to push past him while I glower at him. Once we settle at our desk we work away at our project, which for obvious reasons, had to be a joint project. I grab the bag of dried, mixed berries and crush them while Lily mixes the other ingredients together in the cauldron. Crushing away, determined to destroy any seeable particle – convinced that they are all wearing glasses – Lily stops working and stares at the blackboard. I look at her briefly.

"Something wrong?" I ask. She shakes her head slightly, refocusing on her task.

"I just think this is going too far." She replies. My blood drains – what? How can she tell me that after she kissed me like that!

She looks at me and notices my badly hidden, bewildered expression. "The potion - it seems a bit….too realistic for a school project. Almost invasive." She says, albeit quietly. I look up at the instructions and understand what she meant: 'Step 7: the partner must take a hair of the other partner's delicately and, if possible, with love.' It read. I grunt.

"You're kidding." I complain. Lily and I both look over at Slughorn who had obviously been watching as us, his quick look away and sudden interest in the grooves of his desk confirming my fear. I moan in embarrassment.

"What is it?" Lily asks. I look at her from the corner of my eye.

"Slughorn made us do this today because of what he saw of you and me the other night…he sort of found us in a…odd position." I explain in hushed tones. Despite my attempt to be quite, Lily bursts out laughing. I cross my arms.

"I don't think it's so funny." I state, unamused. How can she se this as humorous? Lily giggles.

"I can't believe that he thought you…and I…" She says, unable to finish from laughter. I feel my body close up and my blood boil.

"That you and I were, what, together?" I remark sarcastically, deciding that the berries need to be crushed into individual atoms. Lily is about to reply but Slughorn begins his rounds, starting with us.

"Now, now, you two need to stop chatting and get to work." He says, a little out of character. Lily nods solemnly and turns to me, putting her hands into my hair. I give her a wild look before realizing what she's doing. Her hands gently massage my scalp, the anger and frustration becoming distant until she plucks a single strand from my head.  
"Ow." I exclaim, rubbing my head. Lily, not paying any attention to my response, is taking out her hair band, letting her hair loosely curl around her face.

"Your turn." She says, turning to me. I look at my hands, which seem dirty and grubby and I rub them on my robe, determined to rid them of any dirt that could contaminate Lily's angelic hair. I slowly rise my hands up to her face, gently cupping it for a second before allowing my hands to roam in her hair. As my hands feel about, I am aware that I am being stared at – either by Potter, Slughorn or both – but I know, as I stare back into the green eyes I love, that I am also being stared at by the one I love, her eyes penetrating mine, and as I gently pluck the single strand of golden hair with all the love I possess, I know that she loves me too, to allow me to have a piece of her.

We add our strands of hair, my piece falling quickly down into the cauldron, weighed down by the dirt and oil while Lily's strand gently floats down, like a feather, the golden colour standing out among the deep, blood ruby colour of the potion.

When we handed in our bottled projects, I couldn't help but notice the variation in colours –from a dark green to a light orange, nearly each vial contained a different colour. Suspicious, I handed over the potion to Slughorn, watching his eyes almost pop.

"Something wrong Professor?" I query, not impressed.

"NO, no Severus m'boy, everything is just…fine." He finishes. I walk out of the room into the dimness of the hallway and after saying goodbye to Lily, I make my way to the next class – Defense Against the Dark Arts. I climb the many stairs and enter the class room to see Mr. Reimers in the midst of a heated discussion with Dumbledore.  
"Ah, Severus! I see you didn't get my notice through patronus – we will continue our study of patronuses individually this class, so I have sent the others into the library to read up. An essay on the Advantages and Disadvantages of using patronuses as communication must be written up by our next lesson." He says, looking stressed. I nod a little before turning to leave but Dumbledore, emerging from his silent position, decides to address me.  
"Severus, I will need to be seeing you soon, on that previous issue." He announces in his raspy I-have-all-the-time-in-the-world voice. Nodding again, I make my way, again, back down the stairs to the library. Dumbledore is one of those curious people who, when are out of sight, are truly out of mind – and rarely does he interfere with the happenings of Hogwarts – a trait which I think I prefer then his meddling in my affairs. What could he possibly want to talk about?

When I enter the library I don't even bother to glance the main body of the library – I already know that countless, immoral, disgusting teenagers will be surrounding the table, their stupidity radiating from one person to the next. Instead, I make my way to my favourite secluded place. A little out of the way, my study spot is hidden from view, masked by the dim light and bookshelves, making it, to those who have stumbled upon it, disheartening in appearance as the table showcases its delicate spider webs and even-blanket of dust. Despite these attributes which discourage others, I find it enchanting that here, I can be completely undisturbed, that the circumstances of the space embrace me, rather then reject. One of the many quirks about my secluded study spot is that, by removing the text 'How long _was_ Merlin's beard', I have access, though limited, to the restricted books' area. This fact seems to be a secret only my little spot has enlightened me with and upon my discovering it, I had placed a charm on it so I know if anyone were discover my spot.

After a stealthy glance about, I enter the space and sit down on the only chair, dumping my books on the empty, old table. I set up my quill and parchment before setting out to find the books. I find one or two and carefully carry them back, sure not to use my injured arm. I want to spend as little time as possible in the Infirmary.

A quick summary read of the books is all I need to begin the essay and before I know it, my hand moves freely across the parchment, my mind almost having no control as words form coherent sentences. To be honest, the essay may well be the easiest of my school life. As I scan through the books for some helpful statistics of the preferred use of a patronus as a method of communication, I stumble across a fact I had not known. According to P. Richardson, a patronus takes the form of something meaningful to the conjurer and holds powerful symbolic meaning, and that, under extreme circumstances, one's patronus can change. My brain begins to overload with explanations, excuses and questions, so much so that as I nervously fiddle with my piece of parchment wondering what a blob means in my life, I managed to miss the scheduled meeting with Dumbledore. As the dim light began to change and fade, I quickly realized my mistake and leapt up, running with ink on my hands and my essay and quill in my arms to Dumbledore's office. As I opened the door, I saw a grave Dumbledore, slumped in his chair, his eyes staring deep into mine as my arms lost all feeling and all that I held fell to the floor, the ink splattering across my black attire, the parchment drowning in stains.

* * *

_Hello Everyone!_

_I am so sorry that it has taken me THIS long, this story has been in 'edit' phase for quite a while, and I'm just over seeing it lying around, so I figured that I'll just post it, the good with the bad, so I ask for forgiveness for any mistakes!_

_My Europe adventure was the most magical experience in the world, and I hope that everyone had a wonderful, magical Christmas break too._

_Well, I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and please, please, please, please message me and tell me what you think, review etc. and if you believe I am losing my touch, or changing it too much from my first few chapters, please tell me so, for I am finding it a bit hard to keep track and fear that I am indeed losing my touch. I want to make this story as true and wonderful for all as much as possible._

_I hope you all had a good weekend and enjoy the next week - I just think of it as 'another 5 days till the weekend!'_

_Lots of love,_

_Ange._


	22. A Day in the Life

**BitterSweet Chapter 21:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters etc. etc...**

**Severus Snape's POV:**

It seemed like hours before I could use my lungs to talk again, my mind too mesmerized by Dumbledore's hopeless, almost afraid eyes to remember to talk.

"What is it?" I ask, my voice hoarse with stress. I slowly move my limbs and edge closer, forcing the blood to pump through my body. Dumbledore draws a heavy breath as I sit down in a chair opposite his desk.

"I am sorry that this isn't what I had called you here to talk about, but there is something you must know." He begins, staring at me solemnly.

"Your grandfather, Xavier, went to a Death Eater meeting as an investor, and was brutally murdered." He announces, staring at me intensely. To be honest, the loss of Xavier hasn't a big impact on me – in fact I'm barely moved. My only fear is for grandma.

"But, alas, that is not all." Dumbledore continues. I realize the worse is yet to come. "Now, please, not do anything rash." He warns. I grip the chair tightly, not even sure of what to expect. "Your grandmother, Henrietta Prince, is currently being held hostage by Voldemort in order to convince you to join his ranks."

A crawling grimace shows the extent of my stress, as my mind reels with what to do. Although, I do believe she would be able to defend herself efficiently, I still want to help. Probably seeing me relax slightly and become silent with thought, Dumbledore speaks again.

"What is it you are thinking?" He asks gently. I stare at him for a full minute, not sure whether I should trust anyone with my thoughts.

"I'm not sure what I can do to help – she is a very, very skilled witch, one who has taught me nearly all of my battle skills. I'll try to help as much as I can, but don't see where I can intervene." I reply, supposing he's trustworthy enough, considering he is the one who passed the news to me.

"Severus, I am afraid your grandmother isn't as strong as you are thinking." He carefully implies. My hands ball in response, the muscles in my face becoming tense as I scowl at the Headmaster. "I don't mean to insult your grandmother – indeed it is no insult, for I should know of her abilities as well as you – but you need to understand that she has just watched her husband die, and at the moment, all of her strength and will has died with him." He warns, carefully watching me.

I feel ill in my stomach, unable to fathom that I am the reason for all this. How can she give up already! The fight hasn't even begun, and yet she's ready to give in? My immediate reaction is to fix it; revise my previous errors and improve. I stand up quickly but a quite "sit" from Dumbledore alerts me that there is still more.

"Voldemort has a new campaign to recruit those he wants among his ranks. If they resist, he will bribe and black-mail until they submit. He has been taking family members of the wanted recruits, and a few have already been executed, only encouraging other possible recruits to join up before the tragedy falls upon their own families. The good news is, as your grandmother is now the head of Prince money accounts, Voldemort cannot afford to lose her as she is a major investor, and so, I don't believe he will kill her." He says, not needing to state the obvious: that as his captive, she will undoubtedly be tortured. I sit back in the chair and allow it to fully support the weight of my body, with the weight of my brain being heavy enough for me already. My head is brimming with questions.

"How can he assume that if I joined, I wouldn't betray him?" I question. Dumbledore shifts in his seat and leans a little closer.

"I believe that he believes that the glory, wealth and status of being a Death Eater will keep you in line or that the threat of your own death will."  
"Does he truly believe that death is the worst thing possible?" I ask, dumbfounded as to the naivety of the Dark Lord.

"As his group and campaign are in the early years, he hasn't seen anything to prove otherwise. His ignorance in matters of love means that he isn't able to comprehend that the death of oneself isn't the worse punishment. I know that death is his greatest fear, further supporting my theory. Nonetheless, he is a quick learner, and he will abuse you and all those around you till you surrender." He answers in a serious tone. I roll my eyes.

"Well that leaves many options!" I nearly shout, anger rolling off me in waves. I feel the urge to hit something, the anger swelling in me only adding to the tension in my head.

"Severus, I know that this is hard, but there are ways to defeat him. I am currently in the middle of a few projects to single out Voldemort's strengths and weaknesses. I would not have told you all that I have today, if I did not believe in your ability to cope. Just know that you are not alone, but that this will be a long, hard fight, no matter which side you join." He says, adding the last sentence, to my surprise. I thought that my chosen side was unquestionable, but as I look into his eyes, I see the doubt. After a short silence, I talk again.

"How can I protect Lily?" I ask, reminding him why I'm on his side.

"You can't." He says simply, confirming my worst nightmare. "She, regardless of you, would always have chosen to fight to defeat Voldemort and so her safety will never be guaranteed, although you are both safest within Hogwarts' grounds."

I bring my hand to cover my face, not from sadness but from exhaustion – my body feels as though it had been kissed by a Dementor, no life or pulse left to move.

"Severus, I would not have told you this information if I believed you couldn't handle it." Dumbledore repeats. "You have a strong character and I am afraid that is about to be tested by the strongest of forces. The bond you share with Lily is magical in many ways, and you need to use it to your full potential. While love can be disadvantageous, as I am sure you're thinking, do not forget that it can also provide many advantages, advantages of which Voldemort is oblivious. You cannot do this on your own, Severus. You must not give into Voldemort, not matter what." He concludes, his tone changing subtly, making me suspicious, the question which I had been turning about in my head now not seeming so stupid.

"Professor Dumbledore, what would it matter if I joined him?" I question, my eyes carefully scrutinizing his suddenly weary face. His cheeks puff up with air before deflating, his breath lightly hitting my face with a distinct odor of lemon drops.

"Severus, there are many things that you are yet to become aware of, some of which I cannot yet reveal to you, but know that I have seen your past and glimpsed the future of your alternate life – you are a powerful wizard, and under Voldemort, almost unstoppable." He answers.

"Almost?" I ask. It frustrates me that no matter what I am doomed and damned, never to the best in this world or the next. Dumbledore, oblivious to my thoughts, chuckles as a smile creeps onto his face.

"Some bonds will _always _remain." He replies, his eyes twinkling madly, a harsh comparison to their previous expression (or lack of) mere seconds ago. "You may have been powerful, but you were never happy, and I am sure that thanks to your skill as a Legilimens, you are aware of the cause of your self-hate and unhappy life."

I sigh, rushing my hand through my matted hair.

"And what am I to do now?"

"You wait, Severus. Bide your time. Train and keep a watchful eye and please don't do anything rash – oxygen doesn't only extinguish but enflame the fire." He warns. I snort at the poor metaphor as I get up from the chair, my arms shaking slightly due to the depth of the discussion, my step unsure, my feet doubting the stability of the floor. Dumbledore, with the wave of a wand, returns the spilled ink into the ink-bottle and levitates my heavily stained parchment sheet, ink bottle and quill.

"For somebody who is supposedly powerful, why do I feel so powerless?" I mutter as I open the door.

"Indeed, why do we all?" I hear Dumbledore reply silently before the door clicks shut.

I begin walking in the direction of the library, but with an empty ink pot and soaked parchment, I decide to head for my room. There is something about Dumbledore, the shiftiness of his eyes, his shaky draws of breath, his mannerisms, which makes me cautious about him. I feel as though I shouldn't trust him, although I know I should. It is obvious he was keeping something from me still. I hate that, in some cases, he knows more about me then I do. And he talks to me in an almost patronizing way, as though I am only a pawn, his fear of my joining Voldemort only because it puts him at a disadvantage – such are the thoughts that replay in my mind as I place down my armful of useless items on my bed, and begin to walk impulsively straight to the fields.

I have never had a strong desire to fly, but all I want is to feel the wind in my clumped hair, the cold air biting and nibbling at my face and the freezing numbness of my hands as I desperately clutch the broom, even if all I achieve is a distraction in my mind. I borrow a broomstick from the new Flying Instructor, Madam Hooch, who looks at me skeptically. I never turned up to her compulsory flying lessons, something which I subtly regret as I watch the broom hover, the only step I can remember. Tired of asking for help, of knowing, of hesitating, I get onto the broom without another thought and once I gain balance, I lean forward, accelerating the broomstick into the atmosphere. The previous grass-and-mud smell is replaced by the fresh air, and as I whirl and circle around, I stare in amazement at Hogwarts. Hogwarts has always been a big part of my life, yet up here, amongst the clouds, beautiful though it is, it looks small and almost insignificant.

The picture perfect view soon becomes a blur as the broom, without any indication from me, goes faster and faster. Only knowing one direction (or perhaps realistically, knowing nothing), I begin to form a vortex, the intensity of the pressure almost numbing my body until I manage to gather enough strength to place the pressure correctly on the broomstick, forcing it to shoot up through the clouds. Applying my newly founded two movements, I fly horizontally through the clouds, unaware of my orientation and not caring. I purposefully lean forward this time, forcing the broom faster.

Eventually, I slow down and make my descent to earth, realizing nonchalantly that a substantial more amount of time had passed than I planned, the sun slowly setting. But as I set foot on the ground and wobble around for a few minutes as I return the broom I know it is worth it as I instantly recognize all of the tension in my body has disappeared, leaving my body light and numb.

I walk towards the castle, passing the Great Lake and our beech tree, into the courtyards and on into my quarters. I feel content and don't really want to eat, cautious of upsetting my serene state – I cannot remember a time when my body has physically felt so relieved, no weight on my shoulders dragging me down. Happily, I descend the stairs, the cold atmosphere comforting, but as I turn the corner to enter my quarters, I see Lily standing at the door, wand in hand and her face glowing red, her uniform disheveled.

"If you so much as think of touching me again, I will blast you into Azkaban!" Lily exclaims, her messy hair giving her a frightening look. Crabbe and Goyle _**(A/N Parent to the Crabbe and Goyle of Harry's time)**_ just grin and raise their wands as I appear with my wand poised. Goyle attempts to stupefy me, but the hex is easily defended.

"I wonder what Voldemort sees in you Goyle, because it certainly isn't your ability to duel, nor your good looks." I sneer, my voice dripping with disgust. Goyle looks uncertainly over at Crabbe who rolls his eyes.

"I wonder what the Dark Lord sees in your little mudblood friend, what for her high price and all." He sniggers before running into the Slytherin common room, unable to see the raw emotion cross my face.

"I should have just transfigured them into rats, at least they would be returned to their original form." I mutter as I open the door, motioning for Lily to enter. She walks into the middle of the lounge room and stands still, her arms folded. I stay by the door, unsure of what to do next, what's expected. We've barely spoken all day. After a short silence, I ask if everything is ok, still standing idly by the door.

"Damn it Sev, I don't need you fighting my battles for me!" She yells, her anger flaring.

"What did you expect me to do – watch them attack you?" I query, astonished at her anger.

"They weren't attacking, just harassing, not much worse then Potter does." She says. "Besides, if you had told me where you've been or even talked to me today, I wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Lily, what does that matter– you are safe now."

"Because Severus saved Lily – well I can fight back myself thank you!"

"They could hurt you!"

"And they can't hurt you, oh invincible one? They are blasted novices when it comes to dueling, you even said so, and you're just insulting me by thinking they'll hurt me!" Lily responds. Her words ring true.

"So you were about to attack Slytherins for the same crimes as the Marauders, yet you don't hex your Gryffindor mob!" I accuse.

"What about the time when we were embracing and I hexed James?"

"I helped!"

"Probably because you thought I was incapable!" I walk over and slump into a chair, my arm aching due to the unexpected intensity of my recent exercise.

"Lily, you know it's not like that." I sigh, weary. All I wanted was a little peace today – was it so hard to ask? She picks up an empty cauldron, peers inside then places it back down before she walks over to me.

"So, what was it that they've been doing to you? What mess were you in when I arrived?"

"Don't patronize me!" She threatens, standing up again.

"Lily, stop overreacting!" My words make her eyes shrink in anger.

"Goodnight Snape." She says, walking out of the room. I groan. What on earth is wrong with her? I am trying to protect her and she gets angry with me! I pace about the room, but stop abruptly as Slughorn unexpectedly enters, clearly surprised at my being here.

"Ah, Severus m'boy, nearly forgot you were here!" He says, looking at me pleasantly. "Actually, now that I've got you, I hope you wouldn't mind doing me a favour." He states, looking for encouragement in my blank expression. "You see, I have to brew some Potions for Madam Pomfrey, but am afraid I've got quite a lot to do…"

"I can help if you need." His face lights up. Potion brewing might give me the distraction needed once again, now that flying is unrealistic for a novice like me as it is pitch black outside.

"Brilliant! Now, where did I put the list…ah here it is!" He says, finding the piece of parchment after patting himself down. He places it on the table and looks about. "Oh, the time! Sorry I can't help you Severus m'boy, but I must run. Ingredients are in the next room!" He says as he retreats quickly through the door. Typical Slytherin.

I pick up the crumpled piece of parchment and look at the list in annoyance. The potions are too simple.

I gather the ingredients in a state of frustration, a scowl setting permantly on my face as I damn everything, the potion-making not distracting or dangerous enough to at least push my emotions to the back of my mind as I had hoped. As I pour the unicorn hooves' dust into the steaming cauldron, my thoughts are ever-gloomy. A sense of overwhelming despair washes over me as I watch the ingredients disintegrate in the cauldron. Voldemort is so powerful; I begin to wonder if he'll ever be defeated. I will live a life fighting, the life of Lily in constant danger, my grandmother…Hogwarts will fall, the Headmaster only another body to be strewn across the Quidditch Pitch – and all for what? What is the point in this earth if I'm cursed for protecting it? If such pain continues to exist? So much can go wrong so quick, I can't help but wonder whether death now is wiser – that way I don't have to face all this hurt and despair that is inevitably going to unfold in my life, as it was apparently destined to.

But suicide is for cowards, something I shall never be. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to the few left here that care – predominantly Lily. I still wouldn't be shocked if Lily left me, I can hardly believe she can manage to tell me she likes me – and she kisses me! Such goodness cannot be true. I almost don't want it to be true. It's a weakness, and it's already showing. I hate that I can't join the other Slytherins, am restricted from such glory and power, the chance to become on of the most powerful wizards ever known…such a calling is almost irresistible, knowing that once out of school, the next time Potter reveals his appalling self, I could hex him and torture him until he submits to me as a superior, before finally ending his life with no reproach.

And yet, as such fantasies take hold of my imagination, I add too much hippogriff hair, causing the cauldron to smoke endless plumes. Through the thick of the smoke I ask the one question which seems to dictate my harsh existence – for what? With the smoke absorbing into my hair, I wonder what the point of killing Potter would be – it'd be, mainly, over Lily.

And if all of my blessed glory is to be defined by my taking his disgraceful life, isn't my joining the League of Voldemort a moot point? If Lily is currently my girlfriend? Wouldn't I lose everything through joining for an inexistent cause? Of course, if Lily happened to be taken by James in the future, I'd have no hesitation, Death Eater or not, to hex him into the depths of eternity.

* * *

_Hello everyone :)_

_Well, there's another chapter - I hope you all enjoyed it! I wanted to show the disorientation in Severus' mind, the absolute vortex of so many thoughts to further understand his mannerisms and actions.  
_  
_At the moment, I am taking time to re-edit the chapters of BitterSweet and am in absolute horror at my many mistakes, which only makes me more grateful for the kindess of my readers and reviewers - thank you :)_

_Please review and voice your ideas on the story and where you think it should go - it is so refreshing to see people respond to your work, and I'd love to hear the ideas you have as to the direction of the story and what you'd like to see. _

_It's quite funny to see how theraputic writing has become, and as a result I am barely able to stop reading/writing, therefore I'd like to think either chapters will be able to be updated more often, or at least lengthened! _  
_Hope you all have a wonderful weekend,_

_Angela_  
_(Missteque)._


	23. Discoveries

**BitterSweet Chapter 12:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters etc. etc...**

**Severus Snape's POV:**

With the potions bottled, labeled and placed on Slughorn's desk, I retreat to my ever-messy bedroom, happy with the thought of sleep despite the clock proclaiming it to be just nine-thirty. Changed into my pajamas, I settle myself under the blankets and wait for sleep to overcome me. Patiently waiting, I toss and turn, hoping that at some magical moment I'll be unconscious, but as I hear Slughorn enter noisily I realize that it must be late, with no such magical moment to come. I remove my wand from under my pillow and cast a charm for time, annoyed to see it's already one-thirty in the morning. I angrily shove my wand back under the pillow, infuriated with myself and my inability to halt my thoughts. I generally sleep despite my constantly running thoughts, but tonight happens to be one of those nights where everything is on fast forward. And perhaps for a good reason: the face of Grandma is constantly reappearing. I obsessively search my mind for an answer, a key, something to help. The idea of being in class for six hours tomorrow, time that could be better spent on finding a solution, only harasses my mind further until one word pops up in my mind: Horcrux.

Showing no signs of tiredness I jump out of bed as I quickly murmur "Lumos", searching my room for the piece of paper I managed to obtain on Horcruxes. I groan as I pick up a piece of paper that is covered in dried blood. Of all the pieces of paper I had to pick for a bandage, it had to be the one that mattered the most! Spreading the piece of paper flat on my bed, I use various cleansing charms to attempt to clear the mess, but only achieve roughly ninety percent visibility, made worse by the deep crinkles that the sheet obtained from being ripped out of its book and scrunched against my wound. Resigning myself to the fact that it's as good as I'm going to get, I focus on the text, the font alone telling me how old the magic is.

_**The Darkeste of Magiks: HoreCruxes**_  
_A single soul,_  
_Split in two,_  
_As result of an inhuman want,_  
_The numbers are few._

_Of the cruelest nature,_  
_The soul splits in a bid to be free,_  
_Giving the owner and extended future,_  
_Until, whole, death can once again claim thee._

_The wickedeste of magik,_  
_For the wickedeste of men,_  
_Whom turn their lives from nature,_  
_And who in the face of death, are no longer frightened_.

I think back to what I had previously read on Horcruxes – I only got through the introduction of the book in my detention with Slughorn. The introduction, which flicked to and fro between English and Latin, talked of souls and immortality yet had no mention of splitting the soul. It makes logical sense, the theory: as a man becomes so against nature, his soul splits in disgust, tries to break away and hides away in anything but the man, ironically preserving him in all of his unnatural ways by making him the most unnatural of things: immortal.

But how to make one? Surely, it must be something worse then murder for many murderers would then be, by choice, immortal. Even the classification of Horcruxes as the darkest of magic hints at extreme methods. It's almost a taboo subject; indeed, in all my studies of the Dark Arts I have only heard Horcruxes in mentioning, never having crossed any direct texts until – I suddenly remember the book that disappeared in Slughorn's library, only to reappear in detention: Horcruxes and How to Make Them. If the creation of Horcruxes is as dangerous and dark as I expect, then the book is not only rare but highly illegal. It's so frustrating that it has to be hard to obtain such information, information which could save the lives of Grandma and Lily. And me. Rationally speaking, it's understandable that the information is difficult to come by, as it would be disastrous in the wrong hands. But this is the key I need.

Determined, I shuffle my feet along the cold tiles, yet only just reach my door when I hear the main door creak open. I quickly jump into bed and resume reading, knowing Professor Slughorn would have noticed my light escaping from the crack around my door in the dark expanses of the main room. Sure enough, a few moments later he knocks gently on my door before opening it slowly.  
"Severus!" He exclaims, his eyes blinking rapidly and his lips wet with drink. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"Uh…studying."

"Well, you cannot keep on this way or you'll burn your energy out. Now go to sleep."

"Yes, Sir." I mumble, waiting until he closes the door before I settle and lie down in the bed. A little rest couldn't go awry for Merlin knows I need my energy to uncover the information on Horcruxes. Exhaustion quickly resumes, my body and mind finally agreeing I'd done a considerable amount of action for the day. My discovery will have to wait till tomorrow.

* * *

I wake up earlier then intended, unable to keep the thoughts at bay for long. Deciding that a shower might be wise I head to the bathroom shared with Slughorn and gather my things. I look at the bottle of shampoo from Grandma with a little apprehension but one look in the blasted mirror convinces me to use it. Once I'm changed, I head to the Great Hall for breakfast, moodily picking at the pancakes, trying to think of how I'm going to protect Grandma not only from Voldemort but from herself. The only solution I can come up with is Horcruxes, but first I must learn and understand them, a challenge in itself considering the gravity of the subject. Taking one last swig of pumpkin juice, I swiftly walk out of the Hall, not bothering to glance at the Gryffindor table. I make a detour to the library before class in an attempt to find any useful books in the Restricted Section through my secret spot, but am unable to reach any relevant books. Frustrated, I make my way to Potions, too caught up in my schemes to notice Lily until she bumps into me slightly. Her anger last night is called to mind and I choose to remain silent as Slughorn enters the room, giving Lily the chance to break the silence herself. I wait and wait for her to talk but lose hope when Slughorn beings handwriting the instructions on the board. Bloody Gryffindor pride!

"Morning, Lily." I greet cordially.

"Morning, Severus." She responds neutrally, watching something. I follow her gaze to see Slughorn merrily walking towards us and I realize we haven't started. I quickly walk over to the bench of needed ingredients and gather the items, keeping an ear out for Lily's conversation with Slughorn. When I return with the armful of materials, Lily has already set up the cauldron with a fire burning neatly. I look briefly at the method and allocate tasks, handing Lily the flobberworms while I tackle the pickled spider's eyes. Despite the quiet hum of conversation around us, our work station is rather quite, only emitting sounds of chopping and squelching.

"So, how are you?" I query.

"Well, thank you. And yourself?" She replies formally.

"Well enough I suppose." I answer, annoyed with her lack of effort. I'm tired of always being the peacemaker.

As I continuously stir the potion, repeating the change of direction every three full rotations, I critically gaze at the thick yellow substance which is supposedly meant to be in its last stages. I flick to the recipe in my book to see where the mistake is. The flobberworms have, considering their apparatus, largely contributed to the thickness and yellowness of the potion. In order to counter that, as listed in my notes, 5 drops of the Essence of Dove would be needed to achieve the expected orange colour.

"Hang on Lily." I say, stopping Lily from adding the final ingredient. "It needs something else."

"Severus, we have followed the book exactly, it doesn't need anything!" She says, exasperated.

"Do you trust me?" I ask, turning away and walking over to Slughorn before I hear her response. I'm not sure if I'm ready to hear the truth. "Professor, may I go to the storeroom to retrieve another ingredient? I'm quite positive that it will enhance the potion." I justify. Slughorn looks up at me from his desk and waves his hand dismissively in the air.

"Yes, yes that's fine."

I stroll into the storeroom and locate the Essence of Dove, the flask being on a bottom shelf. Next to the flask, I recognize the pile of books that I had worked on during my half-detention. I quickly return the flask to the shelf and bend down to the pile, searching the titles for the one book which has constantly been on my mind. All the other books are here, except for Horcruxes and How to Make Them. Frustrated, I once again grab the flask and return to Lily, pleased to see she waited for me before continuing the potion.

"This better work Sev." Lily threatens as she stirs while I add the five drops, sure to space them decisively by twenty-six seconds. Sure enough, twenty-six seconds after the last drop, the potion turns to a thin, watery orange. Lily looks at me almost ashamedly and I raise my eyebrow at her. She lightly passes her hand over her face and sighs gently. "I owe you an apology, Sev. I should not have let the anger get to me like it did last night, and I should have trusted you more." She apologizes, one hand still on her forehead as she looks at me. I just shrug my shoulders.

"That's ok. I'm rather used to not being trusted now." I reply darkly. Her expression suddenly changes to the one emotion I can't handle – pity.  
"Potion is bottled.' I announce, holding the flask up to divert Lily's attention. She blinks a few times.

"I'll hand it in while you clean up." She says, prying the flask from my fingers.

"How did I get left with cleaning duties?" I question. She just grins and gives a brief wink before making her way to Slughorn's desk. After earning a praiseful exclamation from Professor Slughorn, Lily returns to our worktable and helps me clean up.

"You go on ahead to Defense and I'll be there in a moment. I have to ask Slughorn something." I tell Lily once we finish cleaning. She looks at me suspiciously but just nods.

"See you there."

* * *

With the classroom empty, I approach Professor Slughorn.

"Professor?"

"Ah, yes Mister Snape – what can I help you with?"

"I had found a rather good book the other day but haven't been able to find it since. I'm doing a project, you see, and I was wondering if you'd please grant me permission to use the Restricted Section of the library?" I ask, attempting to mimic Lily's smooth use of words but already feel their failure as Slughorn's face darkens.

"Mister Snape, I'm quite sure you'll be able to find the book if you look for it hard enough. I don't feel you quite need to enter the Restricted Section if you've only misplaced your own book – dare I even ask why you posses such literature – now, scurry along boy." He dismisses albeit angrily. I wheel around swiftly, angry that he has denied me – since when? I hadn't expected the rejection; my plans are now quite useless.

Frustrated, I head to the DADA class room. The class, rather then moving onto hands-on projects, is sitting down, studying theory. I opt for a subtle entrance as I slowly ease into the room, seeking the first free space. I moodily sit next to Gryffindor's Mary Macdonald who merely lifts her head higher as if to get her nose above a foul stench. Not that I care. Naturally, I search the room for Lily and find her seated a few rows ahead, Potter by her side. I clutch my wand in anger. The hardest part would truly be picking which curse to use first. Professor Reimers advances my desk, and irritated look on his face. "Mister Snape, why are you late?" He demands, a few students' heads popping up to observe.

"I was talking to Professor Slughorn." I reply as smoothly as possible. Professor Reimers is well known for his shifty moods – one of the Gryffindors once loftily commented that the man might actually be a woman, a theory which explains his moodiness.

"Five points from Slytherin. You can see Professor Slughorn during his class time, not mine Mister Snape. Now, turn to page 788 and read the Wandless Magic section." He orders before walking away. Vexed, I roughly open my book, only to hear a sigh of annoyance from Mary. Ignoring her, I open to the Wandless section and immerse myself in the knowledge in an attempt to forget my latest embarrassment.

Thoroughly in the midst of summarizing the thought processes of Protego, my thoughts are bought to a halt as Mary sighs again, with even more annoyance. I look up at her from my book, ready to tell her to take her petty femininity somewhere else but the words leave me as I follow her gaze to see Potter with his body side-up against Lily, one arm around her shoulder. Quickly, I flick to the chapter on wandless curses to reimburse my knowledge of wandless magic. I've never really practiced it before but I'm quite confident that there is no time like the present.

Plan formulated in my mind I sink into my seat and shift to the right for a better view, angling myself while bringing the book up to cover my face. Peeking over the top of the text I note Professor Reimers at his desk at the front. I remove my wand from my pocket and press it against my leg in an attempt at stealth. With another glance at the notes, I look above the book once more and focus all of my energy into hexing Potter.

"Stupefy!" I will in my mind, but nothing happens. I attempt it twice more, the curse being shouted in my head, until finally the red spell shoots from my wand. The second it leaves my wand I place it back into my pocket and have to forfeit seeing it hit James to maintain my innocent pretense as I lower my eyes to the text.

In the next moment, a great yelp echoes in the classroom and as I deem it safe to look up, I see Potter rubbing his bottom tenderly with both hands, having relinquished his hold on Lily.

"What is the meaning of the disruption Mister Potter?" Professor Reimers asks, getting up from his desk.

"Sorry, Sir, but I was hexed unarmed!"

"I did not hear any curse being uttered."

"We are learning wandless magic, sir." Potter replies cheekily.

"Indeed, but today is the first lesson and I doubt anybody has mastered it yet. Five points from Gryffindor." Professor Reimers declares as the class finishes. I snigger as I gather my things, earning an accusatory glare from Potter. I easily walk out of the room, only stopping when I feel a gentle tug on my arm.

"Hey Lily." I welcome as Lily walks beside me.

"Hey Sev, I've got to run to the Owlery then see Professor Flitwick about an advanced project - can we meet by the lake at lunch?" She hurriedly asks, looking up from a piece of parchment she was reading to look at me in the eye.

"Sure." I answer. She gives me a small smile and breaks off at a jog to the Owlery, her red hair quickly disappearing amid the sea of students endowed with hair of black and brown – incomparable, in my opinion.

* * *

At the beginning of lunch, I grab a bite to eat – favoring the beef roll – and eat as I approach our tree. Swallowing my last bite, I stop as I recognize Lily standing by the lake, her wand drawn despite nobody nearby. I follow the direction of her wand to see, on the opposite side of the lake half hidden by a set of trees, a group of sixth year Slytherins, in particular Crabbe and Goyle.  
"Go on, mudblood, show us what you got!" Crabbe jaunts, his voice carrying over the field.

"Sod off you Slytherin bastard. You aren't going to see anything here!" She throws back, sending a stupefy their way which is hastily blocked by Goyle's Protego. The boys' smiles widen.

"No wonder Snape fancies the mudblood – quite feisty, ain't she?" He saunters. "I think we came to see a show!"

He curses an unidentifiable spell at Lily, who, too riled up in a witty comeback doesn't shield herself. Feeling an utter fool for allowing her to be hit by Crabbe's spell - although it is undoubtedly amateur – I move forward to Lily, no longer frozen to the spot. I once again stop, though, as I realize the back of Lily's skirt is slowly lifting up, the buttons on her blouse undoing themselves. Before I can look away the spell reveals Lily's underwear –black with white polka dots –a jeer from the Slytherins brings me back to reality before I am lost in a series of thoughts.

"Woo hoo – mudblood HAS something!"

While Lily quickly turns around to mutter a counter curse, I move over to her, easily stupefying the boys now that they are in my range, saving Crabbe for last.

"Wait." Lily says, halting me with a hand on my arm. "I want to deal with him." I let Crabbe out of my magical grasp, expecting Lily to hex him immediately. Instead, she removes his wand with a hasty "Expelliarmus" and then runs up to him.

"More?" He asks cheekily. She does not reply but rather responds by punching him square in the face. He reels back in pain, grasping his nose. Lily smoothes down her skirt and briskly turns on her heel, walking away at a fast pace towards the forest as the boys arise from the stupefied stupor, Crabbe still clutching his now bloody nose. I jog to catch up to Lily and grab her arm as we just enter the forest.

"Lily." I plea when she attempts to struggle against me, trying to pull away. I give her a gentle tug. She finally stills and settles for staring at me, my hand on her arm preventing her from running further into the forest.

"What, Sev?" She asks wearily. I look into her eyes, her magnificent green eyes, and see the turmoil of emotions. Anger, frustration, embarrassment, hate, shame. The simple look she gives me is overwhelming, the language conveyed by her eyes unmatchable by any words I could utter. What do I say?

I look earnestly back into her eyes hoping that they will tell me what I'm best to do next, but instead, her eyes allow a single tear to penetrate the defenses and fall silently on her flushed cheek. My body instantly moves, knowing what is needed and what to do despite the lack of mental comprehension. I step forward and gently grab Lily, slowly pulling her body to mine as I wrap my arms around her smaller frame. For a moment, I wonder if I was too bold and curse myself for acting without thinking, until her arms slowly wrap around my torso, her body shaking lightly. It is only as I feel a wetness on my robes that I realize she is crying. I pull her back to look at her. She looks at me tearfully, her face even redder and stained by her tears. I tenderly lift up my arm from around her body to stroke away the tears with the tip of my sleeve, brushing her cheeks with gentle touches, forgetting myself in an attempt at comfort.

"Lily, do you want to talk about it?" I ask softly, releasing her from the embrace, knowing all too well the debilitating feelings associated with embarrassment. She brings her hands up to her face, half in an attempt to dry the new river flow of tears, half in an attempt to cover her face. I take a slight step forward but she takes a step back and lifts her hand into the air in protest. Albeit frustrated, I stand still with my arms by my side, trying to control the urge to clam her myself rather then watch her attempts.

After a moment or two, I see her visibly calm down as she recomposes herself. She removes her hands away from her face and once again looks at me in the eyes, her face slightly puffy and red. Unexpectedly, Lily races her hand through her hair while letting out a low groan of anger. She begins to pace between the unordered trees, never straying too far. I stay still rooted to my designated spot, waiting and hoping she'll confide in me.

"I don't know why I let it happen! I should have been far more prepared for those bastards!" She suddenly says half to her self while pacing around, her wand in hand.

"Has this happened before?" I ask.

"Yes, to some extent." She replies hesitantly, her pace quickening tenfold.

"To some extent?" I prompt, but receive no reply. Knowing that time is quickly passing by and unable to deal with the wait, I move from my spot and quickly move over to Lily, grabbing her arm as I once again pull her to me. "Lily, what do you mean, to some extent?"

"Simple. It has happened before, although with variation of embarrassment." She states frustratingly, rubbing her hands on her face as if to make the pain disappear too.

"Lily, what did they do, exactly?" I ask slowly, gently.

"They used to just call me names, but then it got worse. They'd start poking me in the sides to make me squirm and, as they got bolder, would smack me on the bum. And then since your fallout with Lucius they've been jinxing my skirt so that it automatically lifts up – I had gone a whole hour once without realizing that my underwear was on display!" She says, the words free flowing as she breaks from my grasp and starts walking between the trees.  
"Then the bloody bastards managed to create a charm to undo the buttons of my blouse so that I'm practically undressing in front of them! I've never felt so humiliated!" She nearly screams in anger, her body quivering in the frustration and hate.

I feel my fingers and muscles contract, but my mind is surprisingly clear with only two thoughts being the main occupants: The first being that I need to comfort Lily and the second that if they ever look at Lily again, they will find themselves eunuchs. I take two long strides and wrap her in my arms. She resists a little – probably on some notion of femininity – and then relaxes in my embrace, slowly winding her arms around me. I rest my chin on her head, silently admiring her soft, scented hair; such a harsh comparison to my own.

"I wish you told me earlier." I mumble into her hair, pulling her tighter against me when I feel her small body shake again.

"I could deal with it on my own." She retorts, sniffling.

"I never doubted that, Lily, but I wish I was there to at least support you." I whisper back. "Is that why you've been snappy lately?" I question, remembering the unexplained anger of late.

I hear a small "yes" as she presses her head harder against my chest, tightening her grip on me. I rub my hand on her back soothingly while seething inside. How dare those bastards harass her like that?

When Lily's breathing once again becomes regular, the tears having stopped falling, I loosen my hold and take a small step back.  
"We should head back in." I say, knowing we've missed part of the next lesson. She nods silently, taking a look through the trees to see Hagrid's hut, the lake and finally the castle itself. She takes a little step forward and turns her gaze to me.

"Thank you, Severus." She whispers as she unexpectedly wraps one arm around my neck to pull me towards her as she reaches up on her tippy toes to kiss me. Her plump lips move briefly in unison with my own, the sheer sweetness of the pleasure almost too much, yet too soon she pulls away and consoles me with a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you." She repeats. I just nod in response and offer my arm back to the castle, happy that we were protected from view by the forest's trees. She accepts my arm as we walk out of the shallow area of the forest and out into the open.

We walk in silence, neither of us awkward but rather at a mutual understanding. Merlin knows that I have been subjected to harassment and embarrassment. We stop by the lake a moment on our way back.

"How embarrassing!" She half chuckles, running her hand over her face again.

"Please, at least you had nice underwear, unlike mine. And my…undergarments were showcased to half of bloody Gryffindor." I attempt to comfort, though the bitterness is detectable in my words.

"Oh, so you like polka dots, do you Severus?" She teases as she pulls me back towards the castle, a smile on her face.

"You should know, Lily, they're my weakness." I reply sarcastically.

"I'll have to remember that!" She smartly retorts as we enter the staircase area, before she merrily skips off to the next class. Slightly shaking my head, I make my move towards the Divination Tower.

I take my time as I walk, with the intentions of missing the class. I leisurely walk the various deserted halls, contentedly noting the different, intricate carvings along the wall – gleefully aware that my procrastination will see to the end of the Divination class, when Professor McGonagall rounds the corner, determinedly making her way towards me with deliberate strides.

"Mister Snape! What, in Merlin's name, are you doing skipping classes and walking around aimlessly?" She interrogates, her face contorted with anger. "I have been looking for you for quite some time." She states, not allowing me to defend myself. Not that I have a decent enough excuse. "Quickly Mister Snape, come with me to the Headmaster's office. It's of great emergency." She explains, grabbing my arm and tugging it gently. Silently, I quickly follow McGonagall to the heart of the castle where Dumbledore's office resides. Before I know it, I am standing in front of a weary looking Headmaster.

"Severus, I fear you'll have to leave us briefly. Mercury, here, will take you to your grandmother who is waiting impatiently for you." He says hurriedly. I open my mouth with the question "what happened" on my tongue but lose the chance as Mercury steps forwards and takes my hand. Not even the gut-wrenching pull that comes with Apparition distracts me from my thoughts. Is Grandma safe?

* * *

The instant I feel my feet touch the ground - once again in the parlor of the Manor - I scan the room, my wand drawn. My eyes sweep the room yet I cannot see her, but surely, Mercury wouldn't have apparated me to this room without reason. My eyes flicker to the fireplace– perhaps I'm expected to Floo somewhere- and I walk over to the arranged seats. Once I sit down, I hiss loudly upon the recognition of the person in front of me who was previously hidden from view – Grandma has become so reduced that she barely even takes up the space on a chair; she looks fragile enough to disappear into thin air. I jump out of my chair and leap to her side, bending down on one knee so my face is level with hers. I painfully note the hollow cheeks, the sharp concave shape a far cry from the healthiness it once was. Her body has shrunk to a mere skeleton, but worst of all, is when I look into her eyes – oh Merlin! The once prized vividness and zest are all but annihilated, the only description fit for the current state being gaunt, cold; like Xavier.

"Grandma, what happened?" I whisper, scared that any louder volume will blow her away. She blinks a few times.

"They've killed him, Severus." She hoarsely mutters back, her lips barely moving. I can't help but feel a little exasperated. I was rather under the impression she did not like him so much.

"Have they done anything to you?" I ask, moving my hand atop of hers to offer her some shred of comfort.

"It does not matter." She replies automatically. Her words and her helpless state enrage me.

"It doesn't matter!" I repeat, angry. "Merlin's balls it doesn't! Now stop this nonsense and tell me how I can help." I demand. I hate to see a powerful woman reduced so.

"Language, boy. I simply wanted you to come here to sign the Prince will so that when I die…" She begins.

"That's it." I interrupt, standing up. "Mercury!" I call, turning a little from Grandma to face the house elf. Mercury apparates by my side and stares at me apprehensively. "Please take Henrietta to her bed." I order. Grandma's eyes widen.

"Not that bed! Never to sleep there without Xavier!" She exclaims with more force then imaginable, given her current state. Annoyed with my own insensitivity I nod in acknowledgement and then order Mercury to prepare and furnish a spare bedroom before taking her there. It takes a few moments for Mercury to reappear, having completed my orders.

"Master Prince, I will take you to Mistress Prince." Mercury explains as he holds out his hand.

As soon as I arrive in the room, I run over to the bed where Grandma is lying down, knowing that time is short. I cast a diagnostic spell over her and read through the list, trying to determine what needs immediate attention. It's obvious that she'll be needing some highly complex potions, and a wonder she has survived this long.

"Mercury, please give me a list of the current Prince potion stocks and bring the basics here." I order, moving my attention to her fever. With Mercury gone, I turn to Grandma who is watching me with somewhat narrow eyes. "Grandma, you are not going to die. I am going to do all I can to nurse you back to full health so that you can stop this nonsense talk." I explain calmly, sitting on the side of the bed.

"They killed him Severus." She states simply.

"Yes." I admit. "But what better way to avenge Xavier then by undermining Vo – You-Know-Who?" I cover, seeing her eyes widen as I begin to name the Dark Lord. Mercury returns with a list and a few potion flasks in his arms. "And the best way to do that, Grandma, is if you are in full health." I conclude as I take a Dreamless Sleep from Mercury. I open the flask and gently hold it out to her. She leans up fractionally and takes the flask into her hands, giving me a calculated look before swallowing the contents.

"You're such a cunning man, Severus. Such a good boy." She murmurs as she sinks back into the bed, the Dreamless Sleep Potion taking no time to work. Once she slips into unconsciousness I turn my attention to the list of potions and let out a groan of anger as I realize that they virtually have no supplies at all. It would seem that I am about to be very, very busy.

* * *

"Master, Mercury will take you back to Hogwarts now." Mercury announces in a whisper, rousing me from my uncomfortable slumber on a chair. Grandma has been running fevers and thrashing around a bit, to the extent that I figured it would be best to watch over her for the night to ensure she doesn't do anything radical, as I cannot treat her due to lack of correct potions. And I wouldn't dare summon Healers.

I nod to Mercury and rub my eyes in an attempt to dispel the overpowering sleep as I rise out of the chair. I walk silently to Grandma who, thanks to the remaining Dreamless Sleep, is sound asleep.

"Ok." I whisper to Mercury who once again places his hand in mine, apparating into Dumbledore's office in the next moment. I stare with surprise into the face of Professor Dumbledore, who, despite the early hour of the morning, is wide wake with the morning sunlight filtering through the ancient windows to light his aged face.

"Good morning, Mister Snape." He greets cordially.

"Good morning, Professor Dumbledore." I respond, unsure as to whether I must stay or am free to leave.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" He inquires.

"Not really, although there is something I wish to ask." I say. May as well take the opportunity while I can.

"Ask away, Severus, ask away."

"As the potions at Prince Manor are running dreadfully low, I was wondering whether I could brew the various needed potions which will be needed…to nurse Grandma to health."

"Of course you may – in fact, if I were you, I'd ask Professor Slughorn as to whether you can use his own lab. I'm sure he'd be more than obliging. Unfortunately, you cannot miss any school time and so the potions must be brewed outside school hours. If Henrietta's health is in danger…" He begins.

"She is stable, though her preservation relies on these potions. It is impossible to send somebody there, given the circumstances."

"Given the circumstances." Dumbledore confirms. There is a short moment of no talking where the only sound is the ticking of Dumbledore's collection of devices; the sound is so gentle that it's almost calming in the early hours of the morning.

"How often may I visit her?" I ask, placing my hands behind my back to stop from fidgeting.

"You can visit her each evening, after your classes and after dinner, if you like. The curfew, in your case, can be much more flexible, too." He answers. I nod – I suppose I shouldn't have expected much more.

"Thank you, Headmaster."

"No need, Severus. If you need help, I'm only too happy to be of assistance." He reminds me. Giving one final nod, I exit the office and make my way to the dungeons, fully intent on making the most of the early hours, with the only one image in my mind being a frail and broken Grandma, as I bring the cauldron closer.

* * *

_Hello everyone :)_

Ah, where to begin? With the thousands of apologies? Perhaps that's a start. I'm sorry that it has taken me OVER FOUR MONTHS to update the chapter -once again, I lost track of time. As you can see by the volume of this chapter, it felt as though I was working on it quite often. It just turned out that I didn't work on it hard enough or fast enough so that you could all enjoy (hopefully!) it at the same time.

_In this chapter I'm trying to show the different strains on Lily (as well as Severus) that may become reasons for tensions with their relationship with each other as well as other relationships. Bullying is a dreadful part of life, something which I've had personal experience in and so I hope I was able to convey the absoltue hurt and anger that one gets from being such a victim; I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and you will certaintly see Lily's personality shape and grow along with Severus'._

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as I always hope, and I ask for you to please review, keeping it in mind that with the inspiration of your reviews I am motivated to work faster!

Thank you to all my loyal supporters who manage to review, your constant support is invaluable to me. And to all of you who have PM'd me over the past year - it's been an absolute joy to talk with you, discuss various theories for the story and to see your passion for my own creation; you have been another source of inspiration! So, having said that, feel free to send me a Private Message :)

_On another note, despite what the unregistered "klester" reviewed (PS, if you're reading this, SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE!) I managed to edit chapters 1-12. That's not to say that they're perfect, just hopefully a little more grammatically sound!_

_Lots of love,_

_Angela  
(Missteque)._


	24. Growing

**BitterSweet, Chapter 23:**

**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters etc. etc.**

**Severus Snape POV:**

"Open up, Grandma." I encourage, supporting Grandma's head with one hand while pouring the potion into her mouth with the other. The habitual Pepper-Up Potion immediately restores a little colour to her otherwise marble cheeks.

"Thank you, my dear son." She responds, fondly patting my cheek with her shaky hand. Her strength has barely been returning, the process also being long and laborious on my part. I nod and gently place my hand over hers before withdrawing from her hold in order to apparate back to Hogwarts.

Slowly, I make my way to the Great Hall. As I near the entrance, somebody else reaches for the door.

"Hey, Sev." Lily greets in surprise, her hands still on the handle of the door. I blink at her slowly. It feels like forever since I've seen her last.

"Lily." I breathe. She glances at me, her eyes carefully scrutinizing my face before she opens the doors.

"Have something to eat and then we'll talk." She says softly as we enter the mainly deserted Hall. With a small nod, I make my way to the empty Slytherin table. I can't help but admit my surprise at Lily's mood – generally she is angry at me for not talking to her, regardless of whatever reasons I may have.

I choose an array of toasted bread as well as a pear and slowly pick away at the food. I feel somebody sit next to me and I look up from my plate to turn my attention to the person, too exhausted to brandish my wand as a precaution. With a little relief I recognize Lily, though it takes me a few moments later still to realize where we are.

"Lily, what are you doing?" I question, exasperated, as she reaches for a goblet of pumpkin juice which suddenly appeared. I quickly survey the Hall, gladly noting the lack of Slytherin presence.

"Why, enjoying breakfast." She retorts indignantly. "What's got your underwear in a twist?"

I give her a stern look.

"You are probably the first muggle-born to sit at the Slytherin table. Given the events of late, I don't think it's very wise."

Her eyes widen marginally as the words sink in.

"I never thought of that." She defends. I roll my eyes.

"Gryffindor." I mock. She just pokes her tongue at me.

"Why don't you come and join me at Gryffindor table?" She asks, turning around so her legs are either side of the chair, her body completely facing me. I wearily eye the table at the opposite side of the Hall.

"Maybe one day Lily, but not any time soon. I will wait for the day Potter grows up."

"But that will never happen!" She whines. I smirk at her.

"Exactly." I whisper, earning a playful slap and an accusatory "Slytherin".

"How about we eat by the lake?" She compromises. I just nod, take a few slices of toast and follow Lily out of the Hall. It wouldn't matter where I ate, so may as well make the little effort to make her content.

"It seems we're always out here." Lily comments.

"That's because we're safer together out here." I reason, taking a chunk out of a slice of toast. We walk harmoniously to the lake and sit down.

"So, where have you been the last few days? You've been so quiet during classes and every time I try to catch you out of class, you disappear."  
Lily says. I finish my piece of toast and sigh – momentarily basking in the stolen moment of peace – before answering her. I hate having to answer to anybody and feel annoyed that I have to justify myself, but with even more annoyance I remember my promise to 'open up'.

"I've been making potions to sustain my grandmother's health – she was attacked by Death Eaters. Dumbledore only lets me attend to her after classes."

"Where have you been brewing?"

"In one of the less-used Potions' classrooms." I shortly answer, looking out over the lake.

"Considering you live with Professor Slughorn, why don't you ask to use his lab?" Lily questions.

"Playing twenty-one questions today, are we?" I snap back, irritated with the interrogation that was destroying my moment of peace. Lily physically shrinks back from me.

"I've got to go." I excuse as I get up and leave, unable to deal with her emotions as well. I head to the Herbology glasshouses, quelling the notions of guilt with anger – at her, at me, at the whole blasted world. Why does she constantly insist on prying everything from me? Am I never to keep my own counsel? As I near the glasshouses, my thoughts become more rational. Despite Lily's incessant questions, why did I react so much to her question regarding Slughorn? Annoyed, I realize it was in defense of the truth; a truth I'm too ashamed to admit even in the – dare I call it solitude – of my mind. I loathe the idea of being indebted in anyway to the man, to have to ask him for help. And most of all, I dread his questions, the responses, the untrusting glare. He's been eyeing me suspiciously ever since I asked for permission to enter the Restricted Section – and finally, it all makes sense. Slughorn must have known I was searching for the Horcrux book which not-so magically disappeared when he returned, drunk, mentioning the book, then again when I'd found it in my detention! He accidently, in a bid to hide it, put it in another pile of books, and when he realized his mistake, he confiscated it from the pile. I groan in frustration. That would mean that not only would he expect the worst from me and never trust me, but that the book will be more highly unobtainable then before.

Angrily, I shove the fanged geranium sprouts into the enhanced soil, still careful to separate the roots by 120 degrees to mould it into the stronger form of a trigonal planar. There's little point in having to redo the project due to a momentary lapse of control. With a slight huff, I flick my head in an attempt to move a lock of hair that is obstructing my view, made worse by the fact that my face is lightly sheathed in sweat – why must these damned glasshouses swelter? No wonder there are so many manifestations and mutations – I'm convinced that I'd mutate too, if I was constantly subjected to such a stifling climate. Much to my despair the lock of hair falls back into view, only to be matted down even more due to the ever-increasing sweat. All I need is a moment to pull my hair back or roll up my sleeves – something – but am unable to do so: my hands, plunged into the soil and holding the roots in place, cannot move for another thirteen minutes otherwise they will grow crooked and we'd all know what would happen then. In annoyance, I lift my head up and observe the long room, only to realize how truly alone I am. Everybody else is separated into groups of two or three, helping each other out in some form or another. Despite my solitude being of my own design, it'd be nice to have company, to have help and to help with no strings attached. But all I have to do is look closely at the groups – a Hufflepuff flicks dirt at a partner, a Slytherin plunges a pair of scissors into another member's unsuspecting pot to cut the roots – to remind myself of my wise decision to remain solitary, for such dunderheads would be sure to bring me to insanity with their sheer stupidity. It surprises me some of the students can even function, considering the obvious lack of brain cells.

With relief, at the thirteen minute mark I relinquish my hold on the roots and withdraw my soiled hands, managing to clean up with a simple charm. I walk over to the designated window for class projects and quickly levitate a Gryffindor's pot from the most advantageous position so that my pot gets the maximum sunlight the position offers.

Madam Sprout passes by, looks at my project happily and then announces: "You're free to go Mister Snape – well done. Five points to Slytherin."

With a quiet "thank you" I leave the boiling glasshouses and immediately make for the cool solitude of the dungeons.

I'm too worn and lethargic to get any joy out of my day. Lately, I've been feeling like a semi-dead corpse in class, the cloudiness in my mind and my slow thinking acting as a torture for me. After Divination, which only further exhausted my mind with boredom, I'm not even looking forward to having double Potions. Having been brewing endlessly in the previous few weeks, the Potions work quickly becomes monotonous and boring. With the constant brewing, my bicep has further enflamed and adds the extra element of physical pain while brewing, making the experience even worse. And finally, Lily – who I'd never complain of, except for the fact that she always manages to give me some emotional grief. Combining all three, I walk very hesitantly to the Potions room.

I walk into the room to see Lily already set up, despite Slughorn having not entered the room. I sit on my designated stool to her left and offer a curt nod of greeting which she responds to with a gentle squeeze of my hand. I flinch a little at the contact, my urge to completely withdraw difficult to manage in my angry state – for all the times I left her alone, can she not give me peace?

When Slughorn enters, I busy myself with rereading the method in my textbook to avoid actually brewing. I absently rub my (left/right?) arm, the wound screaming for attention. My arms are so fatigued that it's embarrassing to witness my lethargic movements.

"Sev, why don't you let me help you?" Lily asks quietly, breaking my from my internal complaining. I look at her from the corner of my eye to see her continuing to ground the skellets.

"I don't need your help." I answer back roughly, wishing she would just leave me alone.

"Why don't you make it easier on yourself at least and ask to use Professor Slughorn's lab?" She questions, putting the mortar and pestle down on the bench to turn to look at me.

"I wouldn't ask him for anything. I refuse to be indebted to that imbecile." I spit. Instead of recoiling, Lily crosses her arms across her chest but before she says anything, I bark at her to pay attention to the current bane of my existence – the potion. With a jolt, she returns her attention to the now-bubbling substance, but a critical glance at her posture and frustrated expressions signals that the conversation is far from over.

Finally, the class ends, my arm still hurting despite the minimal stirring; cutting newt's eyes seems harder then ever. As the class slowly filters out of the room, I stay behind to help Lily clean up, knowing I didn't really contribute as much as I should have done. But, as my mood slowly becomes more tolerable, Lily crosses her arms again and the melancholic cloud hovers over me once more.

"I seriously cannot believe you men! That is all it comes down to! Pride!" She concludes, never giving me half a chance to respond before she turns on her heel and walks over to Slughorn. I actually groan aloud at her plan which in all its Gryffindor pride is blatantly obvious to me. Noble Lily will ask help for the disadvantaged Severus. With doubt, I listen to the conversation.

"Hello Professor Slughorn!" Lily greets cheerfully.

"Why, hello Lily! How are you today?" Slughorn asks, entranced.

"I'm marvelous, thank you. I'd like to ask you a question though." She phrases.

"Of course, of course!" Slughorn encourages, sitting up straighter in his chair.

"Severus and I have a number of assigned projects set by the Headmaster and we were told we had to brew them out of class. The classrooms are rather daunting and cold – particularly for me, as I am not used to the tranquility of the dungeons. I was hoping to ask whether we could brew in your lab, considering Severus also resides there, making transportation of the ingredients and potions easy." Lily eloquently demands. Professor Slughorn looks at her with trust and adoration but then his eyes flicker to me, a wave of apprehension passing him.

"What projects?" Slughorn asks.

"A selection of potions for his personal stores – he wanted Severus and I to get as much experience as possible, as we're considering pursuing careers in Potions."

"And who better then my top Potions' students, eh? I suppose you can use the lab, provided they are thoroughly cleaned and my stores are restocked – and no late brewing on weekdays!" Slughorn concedes. Lily gives him a triumphant smile and a brief hug which he awkwardly returns before grabbing her books and walking out of the room without giving me a glance. In a scramble, I hurry out of the classroom to catch up with her.

"Your little speech back there made you quite a Slytherin." I compliment as I fall into step with her. She gives me a side look and snorts.

"You say that like you're surprised!" She jokes. "So, when do you want me to meet you at Professor Slughorn's apartments?" She asks.

"Thank you for what you did, but I can handle everything else myself."

She frowns at me.

"I simply have to prove your theory correct, that perhaps we need help when we least believe we need it – as happened with me, mere weeks ago." She justifies. I shift my books from one arm to the other, my wound searing in pain. Perhaps a little help wouldn't be disastrous.

"Slytherin." I mock. "Meet me there at seven o'clock. I'm sure you'll feel quite at home in the dungeons." I tease.

"I'm sure I'll feel quite at home in your chambers too!" She winks before speeding off up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. I shake my head as I go back down stairs to Slughorn's apartments – I had followed her for no reason all the way up to the higher levels of the castle – and seriously wonder, as I slump onto my bed, what I've gotten myself into.

Without intending to, I manage to sleep through dinner and I'm convinced only the incessant knocking could have woken me from my deep sleep. I curse myself for my lapse in concentration as I make my way to the door. Merlin knows I have no time for sleep, especially with Grandma's declining health due to the lack of potions I am supposed to provide.

"What on earth took you so long?" A fiery Lily demands the moment I open the door. She walks in.

"I was asleep. Are we going to start these potions or not?" I snap.

"Yes." She replies somewhat calmly as she pulls of her shoulder bag and readies a cauldron.

"Tonight I will need to make a blood-replenishing potion, blood-thickening potion and an organ enhancer." I list, pacing in front of the table with the cauldrons. "Since you're most familiar with the former, you can begin that while I start on the others." I say. "The storage cupboard is just behind you." I gesture with my hand. "Now that we've finished the preliminaries, let's begin."

"Yes, Professor!" She mumbles sarcastically as we make our way to the storage cupboard. I roll my eyes. She just giggles and briefly touches her lips to mine before grabbing her needed ingredients and walking back to her cauldron.

As the potion continues on and on, the hours steadily passing by, I painfully create the potions while Lily, despite my protestations to get some rest, continues to prepare the ingredients. Good though she is at Potions, I couldn't dare afford to let her make a mistake. She helps me minimally here or there, stirring while I cut ingredients or visor versa. My arm is still burning with pain, but I dare not stop now – and with a groan, I realize I'm still yet to apparate. As we near the end of the last potion, Lily wordlessly begins to increase her control over the potions as my strength and stamina decreases.

"Have you eaten dinner, Sev?" Lily asks as he scoops the last Potion into everlasting phials – to be temporarily borrowed from Slughorn - looking at me as I rigidly collect the notes. I just shrug my shoulders, the words seeming too much effort to speak aloud.

"Any wonder you feel as ill as you look! Did you even bother to think that you would deteriorate further without energy?"

I angrily grab the vials from her. "You're not my mother. And it's all irrelevant – I have to go now." I say.

"No I'm not your mother. I'm your girlfriend and bullocks it's irrelevant! You are unlikely to be in any health to apparate Merlin knows where! I refuse to let you leave until you've eaten something!" She demands.

"Lily, I haven't got time for this." I warn. It's a wonder I thought it a good idea to let her help! She walks over to me and puts one of her hands in mine.

"Please?" She pleads. I narrow my eyes at her minimally.

"I'll be back in a sec." She chirps, swiftly kissing my cheek before running off through the main door.

While I wait for her to return, I gather the vials and pray that I've done enough to keep Grandma alive just one more month – until I can find a better solution. Lily comes barging back into the room, a small plate of roast beef and vegetables in her hands. She orders me to sit down and sets the plate in front of me while she conjures cutlery, yet when I'm about to put the fork into my mouth, I realize she's still watching as though I would trick her into thinking I'd eaten.

"Must you watch me?" I question tiredly. She crosses her arms across her chest.

"Knowing you and your Slytherin ways, yes." She retorts fairly. I roll my eyes for the hundredth time tonight and pick up tempo, all too aware that time is quickly passing by.

"I really must go." I say, standing up once I'd finished. Lily stands up too and gives a short nod before turning away to Slughorn's storage cupboard. Confused, I turn to grab the potions again, only to turn around to face an unsealed potion.

"Drink it." She orders. I eye the substance and give it a quick sniff to determine the nature before accepting it to be a Pepper-Up Potion. Somewhat relieved, I feel a little energy flow back into my body, my strength returning enough to safely apparate. I look at Lily who, I only now realize, is no more then three feet away. Wondering if I'm out of place but then deciding not to care, I slowly step forward and lower my head to hers to give her a kiss, hoping that it would suffice instead of a spoken thank you.

When I pull back to look at her I see that a spoken admission would indeed be required, and so, deciding to my sacrifice my already nearly destroyed dignity, I gather the bunch of vials and call out for Mercury, muttering "Thank you" in a low voice, deciding to let Merlin determine whether or not Lily hears it.

* * *

_Hey all :)_

_Well, I was pretty proud that I managed to put up a chapter before the 6-month mark (sorry, again!) and with exams mere weeks away. Mind, as a result of said exams being close, this chapter isn't edited as much as previous chapters, so I ask for you to please excuse any errors. I fully intend to re-edit it after exams, and just figured that since I finished the chapter I may as well put it up so it can be enjoyed while I suffer in exams!_

_In this chapter, Severus isn't as attentive or alert as normal as a result of the constant stress and the fatigue he's dealing with. I'm really enjoying the way that Lily and Severus' relationship is developing, and hope you're all enjoying it too, just as I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter._

Please read and review. Reviews are love, and love is inspirational!

_Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed - they've been some of the most inspirational words of my life. And we've also managed to hit over 100 reviews, a milestone I never thought to reach. So thank you :)_

_Hope you're all well and looking forward to Christmas which is once again looming (can you believe it?)_

_Love,_  
_Angela_  
_(Missteque)_


	25. Betrayal

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 25.**_

_**Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters, etc.**_

_**Severus Snape's POV:**_

"How has she been, Mercury?" I ask as I dump the potions onto a table and begin to organize them. The spare room which I use to prepare the potions, like the rest of the house, is dead and cold, yet clammy. The air feels saturated and heavy but the chill is bone-freezing. With the room sheathed in black furnishings, the walls hidden by the dead of night, the room seems to be of an infinite space; endless blackness, save for the bubble of light around me thanks to the candle held by Mercury.

"She is not well, sir. Her breathing is better, but she can't move."

I nod in acknowledgement, gathering the prescribed potions for tonight. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I had hoped to see more of an improvement; I've been working so hard for so long, and it makes me feel as though my efforts are fruitless. But I can't give up now. With a heavy sigh and a potion bottle in hand, I enter the room.

In the middle of a double bed lies Grandma who is weighed down by large quilts. The room is large and sparse, filled only with a bedside table, a chair for me and a vanity. Unlike the previous room, this room is filled with the light of a lamp at her bedside which delivers a healthy, inspiring glow to all it touches, except for Grandma for whom it only outlines the many dark lines on her face.  
"I was wondering when you were going to get here." Grandma remarks dryly as I enter the room. Her health obviously hasn't affected her wit - though Merlin forbid if I ever thought it to!

"Amazingly, I have a lot to do in one day. But rest assured, majority of my time is spent on you." I reassure as I sit on the side of the bed. I hate the idea that she doesn't think I'm trying, and I suppose for the little time I'm here and the small progress she has made, she'd have reason to be suspicious. Upon looking at her, she looks even frailer then the day I first met her; a day which already seems a lifetime ago. "How are you feeling?" I ask softly as I uncork the phial, the memories hard to keep at bay. She lets out a long, albeit shaky sigh.

"I'm fine." She replies.

"You're a poor liar." I retort.

"Perhaps you're just a good reader." She proposes. Without remarking back - I gently ease my hand behind her head - trying not to notice the thin whispy hair sticking to my hand due to the condensation, and gently lift her head.

"This is a cell supporting potion." I explain as I empty the contents down her throat. My arm, despite her frail weight, shakes and burns at the pressure. I gently place her head back down, refusing to think of anything else but her recovery; she could be such an important part of my life, as well as the war. If – Merlin forbid – Lily were ever to desert me, at least one person's love existed.

But as I walk out of the room to prepare the next potion, an odd pile in the corner catches my eye. I had not noticed it on previous visits. Empty flask in hand, I walk over to the pile to see an array of smashed potion flasks. "Can Mercury not clean up?" I question aloud as I bend down to look at the smashed glass. There's a light sheet of dust on the shards hinting that it had been here during my previous visits, I'd just failed to notice. Upon hearing no answer, I summon Mercury.

"Yes, Master?" He greets. I turn to look at the small elf.

"Why is there shattered glass everywhere? Did you not think to save and recycle the past flasks?" I ask, annoyed at the sheer lack of care and ignorance. Mercury's eyes grow wide and he begins shaking his head furiously. What is the stupid thing doing?

"Here's an easier question for you: Did you smash the flasks?" He nods affirmative slowly. "Then tell me why you would unnecessarily break property unless you were told to –" I stop mid-sentence and look above Mercury to see the still form of Grandma. As the elf continues to furiously shake his head, the connection steadily forms, crushing me in its entirety.  
"How could you!" I yell, striding up to the bed to look at the once admired figure of Grandma. She doesn't answer. In anger, I whisper Legilimens, ignoring the various memories screaming for release by guiding myself to what I wanted to see. Grandma's Occlumency kicks in a moment too late; I am already watching Mercury enter with my prescribed potions, and at Grandma's order, willed to smash them, substance and all, only to clean the potions off the shattered glass later.

"Why?" I whisper, anger and hurt disenabling my voice.

"How dare you invade my personal space!" She spits back with unexpected energy.

"How dare I? It is not my fault that your walls are weak! How dare you betray me like this!" I shout. In another time, I may have felt guilty for invading an invalid, but such a thought seems impossible at the moment, for all I can think of is that all of that time, effort and stress were for nothing.

"I'm helping you." She retorts.

"Oh, you're helping me? Well, let see how that's progressed. I have been slaving away, night and day to make you better, sacrificing time that could be spent fighting Voldemort or being more educated meanwhile making myself sick in the process, but you disregard all of my effort, destroy it and worst still, don't even tell me?"  
She gives miniscule shakes of her head.

"You misunderstand me again. I'm helping you." She repeats. I glare at her.

"Helping by me not taking your potions and not healing?" I ask sarcastically. Having been not in the least serious, I am momentarily shocked when she nods affirmatively.

"I am soon to no longer be a burden to you. You will be heir of the Princes, Voldemort won't get any more money and I'll join Xavier." She logically lists, only burning my anger up even more.

"HOW COULD YOU ONLY THINK OF YOURSELF! Your ploy is easy to see, old woman! Don't tempt me with what benefits I get, only to list yours last – you know I care not for the money Xavier has saved through You-Know-Who-knows-what savagery. If you had any sort of courage, you could have stopped paying Voldemort since Xavier's death! Don't you get it, I don't want any of it!" I shout again, the energy released somewhat relieving. Her cold eyes continue to look at mine until I decide to drop my gaze. "You have no reason to die; you still have a lot to live for." I mumble, looking back to the pile of shattered flasks. I just can't fathom what has taken place. Surely, it's a mistake. When I look back in Grandma's eyes, however, see the hope extinguishes. Her eyes tell me that she has truly given up; that she has nothing to live for.

"I know that Xavier has moved on." I state albeit insensitively, watching as Grandma flinches a little. "But what about me?" I ask, hating that I must even ask.

"It is for the best." She stubbornly insists, raising her chin in an act of defiance.

"Slytherin snake – you're no better than the rest!" I spit as I turn away and walk out of the room. I grab the potion bottles from the preparation room and walk back in. "Here, let me help you. I spent 10 hours on this potion." I explain, holding a fluoro pink-coloured potion up so she can see it. I then proceed to hurl it at the wall, sending glass shards in my direction. Reflected with a wordless Protego, I continue to smash the other bottles until empty. I conclude with a worded "complete" before walking out altogether. Wordlessly, I apparate with Mercury to Hogwarts. Wordlessly, I fall on my bed. Wordlessly, I constantly destroy and repair my furniture, the tears cascading down my face in a silent procession. Wordlessly, I wonder what the point is.

* * *

I wake with a groan, my injured arm blazing with pain, no doubt enflamed by the repeated use of wordless magic. I roll out of the bed and walk to the bathroom which is thankfully unoccupied. I gently take off my robes and immediately detect blood; it would seem that my wound has reopened, blood oozing with a combination of a yellow sticky substance. With another groan, I magically cleanse myself and change clothes, having concluded that hard-hitting water against my wound ought not to improve it. Were it to be that I were in a more…tolerable humour, I would get Madam Pomfrey to look at it, but as it is, I'm in no mood to be around people of any type. I accio a bandage and to the best of my ability, smother my wound.

As if it could get any worse, the fates have assigned this very morning to Potions which happens to be the last subject I want to go to. Not only would my ill suppressed memories - and I suppose emotions - return upon my rendezvous with potion-making, but physically, I am still exhausted. I suppose it doesn't help with my wound blazing as though on fire, but I cannot bring myself to heal it. In a twisted way, I enjoy the pain which sees to make me angry, effectively drowning my other emotions with the intensity. I feel as though it gives me focus.

Mind you, when Lily accidently bumps into my said arm upon entering the Potions classroom, the pain was more bitter than sweet, eliciting a low, unchecked groan from me. Lily hastily puts her bag down then turns to me, her hands fluttering in the air madly as she chants "sorry". I whisper a quick "fine" and then make to get my books out of a satchel I've been carrying, only to have her hands darting in front of mine to pull them out.  
"I'm not an invalid!" I harshly mutter, swiping her hands away to take the books myself.

"You're arm isn't getting any better, is it?" Lily asks without any preamble. I don't answer but focus on shoving the books on the table. With one useless arm, it isn't so simple anymore. "I thought as much." She says, turning to the bench as I pull a book from my unaligned stack. Professor Slughorn slowly walks into the classroom and blinks at the many faces staring at him – he's more than ten minutes late. The jovial man probably got too caught up in chatting to a female professor to realize that he had a duty of a different kind to perform.

"Now today, I want you to brew Amorentia. You only need to get to stage 12 and then place it under the Statis charm before finishing it next lesson. It's important that you do not sample taste the potion, if you want to avoid total embarrassment." Slughorn warns, purposefully eyeing certain daring people –i.e. Gryffindors. To end his impromptu speech, he nods his head and flicks his wand towards the board, the words magically appearing. His odd behaviour has honestly ceased to amaze me, now that I know how little he sleeps and how much he drinks.

Lily, instead of waiting for me to get the ingredients, deserts the table to hunt for the ingredients herself, leaving me with the task of reading the instructions. Her noble actions are so noticeably Gryffindor; she's trying to save me the pain, and despite hating to be dependent, if I pretend I don't realize what she's trying to do, I have her help me without my losing of pride. How it pays to be a Slytherin!

As Lily hands in the potion I gather my books and walk out. I hate being burdened by others; for too long my life has been dictated and determined by others, or at least my perception seems to think so. It wouldn't be so bad if my efforts were not eventually proved useless: my parents, my Slytherin friends, Grandma…with life against me, Lily's sure to join that list and so I see no reason to provide a catalyst for that reaction by involving more or myself.

Lifeless, I sit through the next class, skip recess and motionlessly attend the other classes. By the time lunch comes around, my mind is consumed more so by emotions then thoughts. Consumed with anger and hate, my body isn't in the slightest hungry, as though the hate fuels my body – but rather parched. Head down, I morosely enter the busy Hall and walk over to the Slytherin table and grab a glass of pumpkin juice, downing the beverage in a few gulps before swiftly exiting, refusing to meet the eyes of anyone; I'm in no mood for the petty discussions or required excuses.  
I walk out into the courtyard, subconsciously holding a breath, waiting for that delicious moment where the cold air numbs all feeling and thought, shocking my body into breathing. Yet, just as I reach the final door, I feel a forceful tug on my arm. With not a moment's hesitation, I spin on my heel with wand in hand, only to face a slightly shocked and fiery Lily.  
"What is it?" I ask, a bit rudely. She glares at me.

"We need to talk." She states.

"I'm listening."

"Severus, stop being a prat! The middle of a courtyard isn't the best place to discuss your – " I cut Lily off with a scowl.

"Fine." I mutter, exiting through the doors which a moment ago almost gave me freedom. Rather than walking to the intended Forbidden Forest, I lead Lily to our beech tree.

"What is it?" I repeat, my arms naturally crossing over my chest. In contrast, Lily's hands fly to her hips.

"What's wrong, Severus? I've barely seen anything of you and of what I have you've been in the foulest of moods! Is it your arm? Or is it your Grandmother?" She says in a rush, the words jumbling in her anger. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised with her tactless, Gryffindor method.

"Merlin's balls, stop interfering! So what if I'm not okay? What does it matter anyway?" I rhetorically question as I walk back to the castle.

"I'm your girlfriend!" She shouts at my retreating figure.

"Are you?" I reply, unable to help myself. I hear her gasp and can easily formulate the image in my head despite not seeing it; she is, after all, predictable. Unable and not wanting to deal with her and the many issues she creates (my emotions being one) I walk straight into the next class which happens to be a shared class with Gryffindor – also, inevitably, Lily – of Defence. I've no doubt that she, in all her stubborn pride, will accost me in the lesson. The mere thought makes me frustrated: my loved ones are always set to stun.I choose the furthest seat from the front – where she'll be bound to sit – and breathe a sigh of relief as Evans sits next to me, though such an emotion isn't outwardly portrayed.

"Today, we're going to practice wordless magic. In pairs, you'll be using simple hexes – stinging hex – and no more." Professor Reimers announces from the front of the room. Immediately, the dynamics of the class change as students shift and swap places and partners, the desks disappearing to provide space for duelling. We all form into the expected two lines and with mild surprise I see Lily opposite me – she's never paired up with me in Defence before.  
"Now, on page 296 under 'Wordless Magic' the motion for a simple…" Reimers' voice drags on, quickly losing my interest. Lily carefully watches his face as he walks around the perimeter of the classroom, the intense curiosity on her face almost inspiring to watch.

"Ladies first." I motion once Lily turns her attention to me. Seeming somewhat stressed, Lily turns her wand towards me and begins to make the appropriate motions. It takes a few moments before finally I feel a rather mild sting graze my thigh. I nod to Lily to let her know that she did hit me as intended – momentarily erasing the worried look on her face – before pointing my wand at her. Wordless magic, for such simple spells, should be easy for me and indeed it takes all but a second to send a stinging hex at Lily's arm, but the strain of the motion and the flow of the magic make me involuntary gasp and clutch my wand arm. My eyes slowly open – having shut during the immense pain, only to see a seething Lily, complete with the hands on hips. Her wand directed at me coupled with the determined look on her face truly makes me wonder. Without a moment's hesitation, a spell fires from her wand and the moment it makes contact with my skin, I know it's no ordinary stinging hex. Boils, filled with pus, start to appear all over my exposed skin. I look at Lily furiously but she just ignores me, instead trying to grab the attention of Reimers.

"Sir, I accidently thought of a boil hex – he was annoying me, you see – and being wordless magic, I barely realized! Now my partner is covered in these disastrous boils." Lily explains in a rush. Professor Reimers looks over to me then back at Lily.

"5 points from Slytherin for being such a hindrance. Take him to the Hospital wing Miss Evans and while you cure him of the boils see if you can fix his temperament."

"Yes, sir." Lily replies dutifully, turning around and grabbing my good arm.

"I don't see any difference." Narcissa remarks as I walk out, earning a laugh not only from her Slytherin followers but also the blasted Marauders.

"Couldn't have said it better myself Cissy!" Black compliments. How lovely to think my demise unites the evils of the world!

As we walk, I take a quick side look at Lily who seems to be frustrated. I can't help but admire her Slytherin-esque ploy, which, though it was executed with Gryffindor boldness, was very subtly handled. But said admiration quickly disappears as a pimple on the end of my nose bursts. In a humph, I cross my arms, letting my hair fall around my face in a mediocre attempt to cover it. Lily doesn't say a word.

"You know, I could just go to the library and find the counter-curse." I state, needing an outlet for my anger.

"I could just tell Madam Pomfrey of your arm anyway." She retorts, the anger clear in her voice. As we near the double doors, she halts me gently.

"Severus, I really care for you and it's about time you did too." She says simply, placing a simple kiss on my cheek before pushing the doors open. Madam Pomfrey gracefully walks towards us. How can Lily be so forgiving?

"Ah, overdone a hex have we Miss Evans?" Madam Pomfrey asks lightly, ushering me to a chair.

"Yes ma'am." She replies sweetly. I glare at her.

"Right then, a simple spell should do it!" Madam declares, brandishing her wand. In the next second the boils and their pus residue disappear. "All done, Mister Snape!"

"But Professor, I'm worried I may have accidently cast another spell –we're practicing wordless magic you see – and Severus is sometimes too noble for his own good. I think it hit his wand arm, the right." Lily interrupts. Madam Pomfrey looks at her and nods.

"Very wise, dear. I'll do a quick medical check; I just have to grab your previous files." She replies, ready to turn away. "Mister Snape, while you're here, we may as well see your arm wound." Madam Pomfrey decides. I glare at Lily again who only stares back, all oblivious to Pomfrey. "You may want to sit down, dear." Pomfrey advises Lily.

Madam Pomfrey turns away to get my medical file. My eyes narrow even further at Lily who betrayed me with a kiss.  
"Thank you, but I best return to class, I'm weak when it comes to such things." Lily lies at her retreating back. I glare at her even more.

"Of course, dear." Pomfrey says. Lily leans in closer to me.

"Don't you start." She warns, apparently about to see my barrage of words.

"Slytherin." I hiss. She gives me a scowl as Pomfrey turns around and starts making her way back again. Lily makes her way out of the room, mouthing as she closes the door for me to find her after. After a betrayal like that, not likely.

* * *

_Hello everyone,_

_Well, it's updated. I'm not too happy with the way this chapter has turned out and I fully intend on changing it a bit later on, but figured it was about time I'd updated!_

_I hope you all had an exciting, relaxing and magical festive season coupled with a thrilling beginning to the New Year. _

_Please, as usual, read and review - it makes a world of difference to me._

_Thank you all again for all of your support,_

_Love,_  
_Ange_  
_(Missteque)._


	26. The Answer Within

_**BitterSweet, Chapter 26  
**__**  
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters, etc.**_

_**Severus Snape's POV:**_

It seems such an impossibility, yet the feeling, the haunting feeling that my blood is constantly pouring out of my body, the life seeping out- a thought, a strand of emotion that was unidentified and unchecked until now – makes perfect sense.

"What do you suppose I do, then, Madame Pomfrey?" I ask gently. She clicks her tongue; an obvious habit.

"I will have to run a few complex tests on you Mister Snape and inform the Headmaster – to think that a student used such evil within Hogwarts!" She exclaims, setting the blood-soaked bandages alight in a metal bowl with all but a murmur, as she obtains new ones...

"What you will have to do, however, is rest. We need to move as swiftly as possible to coddle the infection. Indeed, I think I ought to locate it now. Demonstrami tutto" Madam Pomfrey chants. She taps the tip of her wand on the centre of my bloody wound. The wound darkens into a most unfathomable black, and with curiosity I watch little black dots appear underneath my skin, perfectly visible due to my near-translucency.

"Merlin!" Madam Pomfrey swears. My eyes snap from following a curious trail of black dots down my forearm to Madam Pomfrey's face.

"Madam?" I query. Her face is one of almost awe.

"Sorry dear, I didn't mean to startle you. Mister Snape; I have only worked this spell twice in my life, but it doesn't fail to astonish me each time. The dark magic is imbedding itself in your tissue; thankfully it would seem that he curse was, for the Dark Arts, relatively weak. Its hold is not strong, but enough that, unhealed, it could create severe damage." She explains. She cancels the spell with a simple 'finite incantatem'. "I must fetch the Headmaster immediately."

Trust Mulciber not to be able to cast correctly, I snort. But as my eyes turn back to my wound, I wonder that perhaps, just this once, I should be grateful for such stupidity. Begrudgingly, I ought to be grateful to Lily, too, were it not that she out-manoeuvred me – to think that Gryffindor's Princess was able to out-do a Slytherin at his own game! Needless to say that perhaps my bloody wound is not the only wound in need of healing.

My mind begins to race. Resigned, I lean my head against the wall and let my eyes take in the Hospital Wing. White walls, starched sheets and that clean smell that is both welcoming and eerie. If I just close my eyes, block my mind and simply breathe, it amazes me that in the midst of it all, I can find peace. Safety. A simple reprieve from my worldly woes in but a sweeping breath.

Yet, eyes open again, the mental sanity that had briefly returned like a candle on a dark night, was snuffed out by the veracity of my thoughts. Grandma. Could the dark curse have contributed to my anger towards her, that night?

Before I can answer my own question, Madam Pomfrey returns with the Headmaster in tow. He immediately glares at my arm, with not a sign of his sublime twinkle-eyes.

"How are you feeling, Severus?" He asks politely, edging towards the bed slowly before gracefully sitting at my bedside. He lifts a gentle hand to trace the black, protruding dots.

"As well as can be expected, Headmaster" I reply. He nods his head in understanding.

"Severus, I am going to have to remove the Dark Magic from you. It will not be painless, nor quick. Despite the inadequacy of the curse, I expect that you will be unable to use your arm for at least a week." He explains.

I feel the blood drain from my face as I think of the implications; one week in which I cannot defend myself properly. One week in which I cannot brew properly. One week in which I cannot brew to protect Grandma.

"Must it be done now?"

"It is of utmost importance it is done now. The longer it is left, the stronger it will become, making the removal and your consequential recovery worse each moment."

I nod. Of course, it's only logical; Merlin knows how I have studied the theory of blood magic, and I scorn at my own naiveté.

"What about my classes, sir? And my grandmother?"

At this, some joy enters Dumbledore's eyes, his taut face slackens.

"Your classes, Severus, will continue on without you, which shouldn't worry you in the slightest. Your grandmother, however, will need to be sustained. Perhaps Miss Evans can take your place?"

I, despite my avowal to never gawk like a fish, do just so. Let Lily meet Grandma? Let my grandmother, the sly bint of Slytherin herself, meet Lily? And further still, ask Lily to carry such a burden as to sustain my grandmother?

"I cannot see how that is possible, sir. Lily is stressed enough as is" – he holds a hand up to hush me.

"I am sure that Miss Evans would love the opportunity to help you, Severus, as you are among her closest friends. Moreover, I am sure you can assist her still by guiding her through the potions."

"Indeed Miser Snape. You should be released later on tonight and from then on, no direct brewing for you!" Madam Pomfrey interjects with ferocity. The frustration in me runs rife, and I can't conceive of how she can possibly expect me to abide by such rules, but with each beat of my heart, the more I feel the weight of my arm…

"Fine. I obviously have no true say in the matter." I scowl. Madam Pomfrey deals me a very unsympathetic look.

"Severus, I need you to lie down." Dumbledore instructs as he retrieves his wand from somewhere in his beard. "I need you to put every ounce of thought into that wound, how it feels physically and in turn, how it makes you feel emotionally. It will help me to identify and locate the dark magic streams and remove them. I will begin on three. One."

I take a deep breath and explore my senses, my thought on that one part of my body that feels numb yet painful; a paradox that begins to tear at the seams of my mind,

"Two." Pain, blood, death. The more I think about the wound, the more I feel it is eating at my flesh, the more I feel it consume me.

"Three." With every heart beat I feel my body twist and turn into darkness. The dots become bigger, and start expanding across my skin, covering me in black bile. The more I think about the wound, the inevitable, inescapable pain, the more my vision blurs. Fear and dread drown me, sheath me in a cloak of darkness. The abyss is cold, lifeless – and yet pain and fear exist. What hope is there in such a place? As my thoughts catapult me into the realm of insanity, just as I feel my body fight no longer against the dark swell – with some modicum of consciousness to register Dumbledore's angry exclamation of "Merlin!" a small light bursts into my lonely abyss.

What seems to be a pinprick at first, akin to a lone star in the night sky, grows and grows. The light chases the darkness from the recesses of my mind, the shell of my body, and feels almost blinding in its intensity. Replacing the dark magic within, the light creates an undeniable energy, fills my body with flesh and bone whence once it felt hollow.

Finally, as if the porthole to another world, the light –as I physically feel it repel the dark bile - pushes the darkness out of my wound. With excruciating pain, the light breaks off the final threshold of the dark on my arm, and as I – half blindly – look at my arm, before my eyes I see my wound knit back together, as if by an invisible thread.

With the knowledge that it is gone, my mind finally collapses into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

When I come to, my eyes are difficult and heavy to open. I must blink away the blurriness to make out the concerned figures of Madam Pomfrey and the dishevelled Headmaster. I look down at my arm and see the healed wound, and my arm covered in thick black bile.

I try to sit up, but my body shakes too much. I cough, and try to speak instead.

"What on earth was that, Headmaster?" I ask shakily.

"That, my dear boy, was more than expected – it should have been a simple extraction, but instead the rudimentary darkness sought strongholds within your personality. From there, it tries to spread. I hadn't realized how strong it had become, nor recognized the complexities in your personality. You are beyond your age, Severus, and must be extremely careful."

"Sir?" Was my pathetic response.

"You must avoid the Dark Arts, the truer forms of dark magic of any capacity, whether it be reading, writing – thinking. Too easily could the Dark seduce you to a most unsavoury and painful path, so you must ensure that you never encounter it. The fact that young Mulciber was able to affect you so strongly with what is, relatively speaking, a weak dark spell is testament to the danger you face."

Madam Pomfrey retrieves a washcloth and proceeds to wash off the residue on my arm.

"I understand sir." I earnestly reply. Dumbledore nods.

"Fortunately Severus, the struggle of the dark signifies that you are indeed a powerful wizard, who will find an endless, undeniable, unrivalled ally in the light." Were it not for the sombre timbre of his tone, I would have passed his comment off as the result of his barmy ways, perhaps even have ventured a guess that he spent too much time in the heady, seedy Divination classroom. But it was in that one moment; truly seeing beyond the shallow façade of such words, labels as 'light' and 'dark'. For once, recognizing every harsh line on Dumbledore's centennial face, feeling the dull yet painful throb of my wound. And perhaps also for the first time, considering the reality of it all.

In that same moment the bizarre realization dawns: how odd that one can be amidst and a victim to a war, despite not even being aware. For how long had Voldemort's suave mannerisms, which shielded his ill intent, seeped into the lives and attitudes of my classmates, of I, since we were children?

My always-grey world seemed to become more overcast and murkier, as my philosophies spiral beyond my grasp. I am shaken by a cool cloth pressed to my wound, and the fear – the shock – recedes with Dumbledore's following words: "Never despair, Severus, for despite the overtness of evil, purity and goodness still exist, forever white against a dim background, that must be the foundation of our hope. With that, Mr Snape, I must leave you. I know that you are in good hands. Rest assured, also, that your attackers will be punished." He says, as he clasps his hands and begins to retreat to the door, looking worse for wear than he did upon entering.

"I would bloody expel those little pests…" Pomfrey mutters. I murmur my thanks as he heads towards the Infirmary door, one shaky hand outstretched to the use-worn door handle.

My head lapses back onto the pillow, my body slackens into the mattress. I vaguely feel the cloth of Madam Pomfrey's cooling towel now wiping my forehead. But beyond that, as I ever sink into a state of unconsciousness, I feel the ever quiet yet persistent drum of the wound, as if beckoning me to test it.

* * *

I awaken, not to the dull thrum of my wound, but to a sweet, enchanting scent. As I open my bleary eyes, spots of flame-coloured orange form themselves to frame a most beautiful picture indeed. Lily, sweet, _maddening _Lily, is but inches from my face. Swiftly, quickly, with braveness akin to a Gryffindor, she effortlessly leans down and kisses my chapped lips.

Brief though that single touch was, the warmth of it – of her love – spread throughout my body. The maddening desire to capture her lips once again startles my body into action. The incredible feeling drowns away all of the dark thoughts of before, as I accept the truth – this is what I have to live for; this is 'light'. The revelation of that alone makes me soppier than I care to admit, and before I can recall my limbs back to reasoning, my uninjured hand reaches up to the nape of her neck, and pulls her back down for more truth and wonder.

An eternity or less, Lily pulled away with a shaky giggle, one hand pushing away my hair.

"How do you feel, Severus? Madam Pomfrey told me you had a significant operation." Lily said, a tiny crease forming on her flawless face.

"Yes. Well, no thanks to you and your Slytherin stunt." I scowl. Despite the fact, unknowingly or not, she saved my life to a degree, I had a cunning plan to exact my revenge…but now it feels too unjustified to proceed. Lily just rolls her eyes.

"For goodness sake, Sev, if it was an operation performed by no less than Dumbledore and at Hogwarts rather than St Mungo's, I concur that it was a significant and urgent event. Indeed, Severus, I don't know about your ability to apply logic outside matters of the cauldron, but my superior deductions in reasoning leads me to suggest" she pauses for breath, straightens out imaginary creases on her skirt, "that I may well have saved your sorry, admittedly cute arse." She finishes, eyes aflame with delight, cheeks flushed with either exertion or her ending comment.

I feel something within me swell, but I bottle the desire to capture her pursed lips; muffle the desire with another quip. Two can play the dangerous game of half-serious flirtation.

"The cheek! And to think I was going to give you a kiss of appreciation, at least now I know what you would think of it!" I mock back, frowning at her. For a moment, I fear she believes my words. Her face shifts from one of pride to one of confusion. Her eyes narrow almost imperceptibly, and that neat little frown returns to mark its territory upon her forehead. Yet, whether it be the amusement in my eyes or the slight and completely accidental quirk of my lip, doubt is erased from her face by a dazzling smile.

"Is that so, Severus?" She says as she leans in, her beautiful red hair cascading around my face, as if to create our own little world. She tantalisingly touches her lips against mine, and gives my bottom lip a nibble, before pulling away. "How was that for cheek?" She responds. The moment is so delicious, I cannot help but grin at her.

"I think that your Gryffindor bravery has found its place!" I laugh, to which she playfully slaps me on the stomach and hops off the bed.

"C'mon Sev, I can't imagine you would want to be lying around here all day" she reasons, already folding the sheets at the bottom of the bed.

"That depends…" I mutter as I cautiously sit upright and wing my legs around. Lily immediately comes up to me, her eyes fixated on the scar, the previous light mood darkening somewhat.

"It looks a lot better, Sev. Is it tender to touch?" She questions.

"That's because it is, and yes Lily, it is tender – both superficially on the surface of the skin, and deeper." I turn to look into her eyes. "It was a dark curse, Lily." I explain. Her eyes widen, in shock and her face changed to disbelief.

"What does this mean, Sev?" She asks, her voice noticeably controlled.

"Come on, Lily. We'll discuss it with a glass of pumpkin juice and muffliato by the lake. I could do with seeing the outdoors, and fancy a drink before we start this topic." I reason as I get off the bed. As I walk towards the door, Lily swiftly picks up her belongings and follows me.

_"_Cute butt, indeed!" Lily comments, to my horror, as we exit the infirmary, winking at me as she grabs my hand.

* * *

_Dear, dear Readers,_

_How I must apologize! I am so very sorry it has taken me so long - it scares me to look back, and for the time to feel like but a day, rather than years. I promised to never give up on this story, and I never shall. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope that you enjoyed reading it. I am well aware I may be very, very rusty at writing FanFic, and that I've only edited it once, but I feel it is just time for me to upload it...the mistakes, I shall fix up later!_

_This chapter is really about Sev coming to terms about the complexities in his nature, about the seductiveness of the 'Dark Side', and realizing what the purpose of life is all about - what makes standing strong in the face of Darkness worth it._

_I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and for those of you who continue to read my story after so long - a true, from the bottom-of-my-heart thank you. Also, thank you to all of the people who have reviewed my story and, without even knowing it, made my day, my week, that much brighter._

_With love, excitement and enthusiasim for the adventures to be had ahead,_

_Angela_

_(Missteque)._


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